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When Chaos Strikes and Life Strips You of Your Identity
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William Bridges
“Change can happen at any time, but transition comes along when one chapter of your life is over, and another is waiting in the wings to make its entrance.”
The Stages of Transition
The experience of Transition has 4 main stages:
- Disengagement: the feeling of separation from what is lost
- Disidentification: the destruction of the old identity
- Disenchantment: tearing out of the old reality
- Disorientation: the feeling of being lost and bewildered by the loss experienced.
Change is Inevitable
Change is the only constant in life.
It is always a certainty and failure to cope with change is not an option.
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Key Ideas
Exploring solitude
We tend to see solitude as grim and imprisoning. But in fact, the exact opposite can be true. Solitude can be seen as freeing, as an opportunity for exploration and growth.
You develop strengths you need
It’s always better to learn to stand on your own two legs. And once you are self-sufficient, then relying on someone else from time to time is an act of strength, not weakness.
Take small, consistent steps in the right direction, day in and day out.
Comfortable being alone
Learning to be comfortable with being alone does not mean you can’t be in a relationship. It means that you will not be codependent and entitled.
What we need is a healthy dose of self-sufficiency. The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development.
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Re-evaluate and reprioritize
There was likely a reason you gave up on your goals. Think about why you lost momentum and what you truly want to accomplish next. To set new goals:
- Make sure this is the right goal t...
Use the deadline as motivation
At the beginning of the year, you had a blank slate of 12 full months ahead of you. Now, you’re on a downhill run toward the end of the year. Use this as your deadline.
With a more limited time frame, now you need to be more specific about what you want to accomplish–and realistic about what you need to let go for now.
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False positivity
We are caught up in a rigid culture that values positivity.
However, when we put aside our difficult emotions in order to embrace dishonest positivity, we fail to discover skills that can hel...
Tough emotions are essential for living
How we deal with our emotions affects how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead.
We should not view our emotions as good or bad, positive or negative. We need our emotions for real resilience.
Moving Beyond Emotional Rigidity
When we go through tough situations, we cannot ignore our negative emotions with the hope that they don't matter.
Write down what you are truly feeling in a personal notebook. Move beyond the rigidity of denial.
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