Defenses are anything we do to avoid feeling either core or inhibitory emotions. Depression is a defense because in that state we are out of touch with our core emotions. There are an infinite number of defenses but some of the other common ones in our culture are: joking, sarcasm, too much “screen time,” criticizing, spacing out, procrastination, preoccupation, negative thinking, misguided aggression, working too much, over-exercising, over-eating, under-eating, cutting, sex, obsession, addiction, etc.
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The Change Triangle is a tool, a map and a guide that we can turn to to manage upsetting moments, or when we are in conflict with ourselves or those we love, or when we’re looking to understand ourselves more deeply. Practiced often enough, it can become practice. And with practice, comes change; hopefully, a change towards emotional resilience and stability.
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