We all want to share our lives with another person. The compassion, intimacy, and understanding that comes with love give life a special meaning.
To love is to want to own. We want someone whom we can never fully have, so we have him or her in every way we possibly can.
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We want to become a part of our partners. We want to know their thoughts, history, beliefs, the way they see the world. We want to give the people in our lives things because in doing so we are becoming a part of their lives and therefore owning a piece of their history.
All these things revolve around you as a lover. You are all that really matters in the equation.
You love people for the way they look and act. You love them for the way you interpret that person, but your interpretations may not always be accurate and may change over time.
If you can learn to have better control of those interpretations, and the person doesn't stray too far from the outline you've created of him or her, you can happily own them until the day you die.
To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.
Our brains are also wired to fall in love. Dopamine provides a natural high and ecstatic feeling that can be as addictive as cocaine.
Gratitude doesn’t seem to come as easily as grumbling does, and you will likely resist this exercise. Waiting for the resistance to pass is futile. Just do it.
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