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The Inner Game: Why Trying Too Hard Can Be Counterproductive
Stop trying so hard
There is a time for instruction and putting in the effort. But trying too hard may produce negative results.
Instead, step back and take in less feedback. On a deeper level, we know what to do. We just need to overcome the habit of the mind getting in the way.
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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:
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Key Ideas
The Inner Game
The phenomenon of winning or losing something in your mind before you win or lose it in reality is called "The Inner Game."
This is the subject of the book The Inner Game of Tennis (written in the 1970s by W. Timothy Gallwey). It's about overcoming the external obstacles we create that prevent us from succeeding. You don’t need to be interested in tennis or even know anything about it to benefit from this book.
Self 1 and Self 2
When we are learning something new, we often internally talk to ourselves. Self 1 is the conscious self. Self 2 the subconscious. The two are always in dialogue.
If both selves can communicate in harmony, everything goes well.But more often, Self 1 gets judgmental and critical, trying to instruct Self 2. The trick is to calm Self 1 and let Self 2 follow that natural learning process.
Stop trying so hard
There is a time for instruction and putting in the effort. But trying too hard may produce negative results.
Instead, step back and take in less feedback. On a deeper level, we know what to do. We just need to overcome the habit of the mind getting in the way.
Forget about positive thinking
We are often encouraged to think positively, but this is not always the right approach.
We need to stop attaching judgments to our performance, positive or negative, and see things as they are. This action unlocks a process of natural development. As soon as you understand the effort and accept it as it is, a natural process of change begins.
The Inner Game way of learning
We should pay attention to how we learn and if we're learning in the best possible way:
- Observe your existing behavior without attaching judgment to it.
- Once you are aware of what you're doing, picture the desired outcome.
- Trust yourself and "let it happen."
- Continue a "nonjudgmental, calm observation of the results" to repeat the cycle and keep learning.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Emotional Intelligence
Reduce Negative Emotions
... so they don't overwhelm you and affect your judgment.
In order to change the way you feel about a situation, you must first change the way you think about it.
Increased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for my dream job. I’ll be devastated if they don’t hire me.”
Decreased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for three exciting positions. If one doesn’t pan out, there are two more I’m well qualified for.”
Stay Cool and Manage Stress
How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool.
- If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air.
- If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself.
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Defensiveness and toxic shame
Toxic shame is an emotion that most of us get to know throughout our lifetime: deep inside, we feel that we have failed ourselves or the others.
The actual issue, when...
Obsessed with perfection
Anybody who is obsessed with the idea of being perfect will most probably end up having a major frustration. To put it simply, making mistakes is just natural for us, humans.
On the other, even though feeling ashamed for what you have done is quite upsetting, not taking responsibility or pretending to be someone you are not is way worse.
Shame and apologies
When making a mistake, some individuals find it extremely difficult to admit and apologize. This often leads to misunderstandings and even more tense relationships.
On the contrary, self-confident people will freely admit whenever they have made a mistake or have been wrong about something, as self development is possible only by acknowledging our own weaknesses.
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The Impostor Syndrome
It is the feeling that you are not worthy of your designation, title, position or success.
Your accomplishments may be due to luck or effort, but you feel you lack the talent or skill ...
The Reality of Impostor Syndrome
- The impostor syndrome is like a nagging feeling that our success might be due to luck, good timing, or even a computer error.
- It makes us think we have done nothing, and that we secretly are a fraud for taking undue credit.
- The person suffering from an impostor syndrome lives in fear that soon the 'secret' about his true nature will be uncovered.
Self-Efficacy is the Answer
The antidote to the impostor syndrome is self-efficacy, which is about learning one's own value.
Self-efficacy is described as a perceived ability to succeed at a particular task. It means having rock-solid confidence, a supercharged belief in your ability.
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