Positive power struggle

Not all power struggles are destructive. Some types of power struggles allow growth within the relationship and encourage a deeper understanding and respect for each other.

While it is still a struggle, by the end of it, you have reached an understanding about which lines can be crossed, which not, and how much each partner is able to compromise.

@rhettm40

Love & Family

MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

Power in relationships is the ability of each person in the relationship to influence each other and direct the relationship.

Being in control makes people feel good and may place the drive for rewards above the intimacy and connection we have with our partners.

  • The demand-withdrawal dynamic. One partner seeks change, discussion and a resolution to issues within the relationship, while the other partner is withdrawn, and tries to avoid the issues.
  • The distancer-pursuer dynamic. One person tries to achieve a certain degree of intimacy with their partner, while the other considers this affection to be "smothering."
  • The fear-shame dynamic. The fear and insecurity of one partner would bring out the shame and avoidance in the other. 

Elements that produce a healthy balance in relationships:

  • Attention: The emotional needs of both partners are being met.
  • Influence: Both partners can engage with and emotionally affect the other.
  • Accommodation: Most decisions are made jointly.
  • Respect: Each partner has positive regard, respect, and admiration for the other person.
  • Selfhood: Each partner can be their own person both within and outside of the relationship.
  • Vulnerability: Each partner is willing to admit faults, weakness or uncertainties in themselves.
  • Fairness: Both partners feel that the responsibilities and duties are divided in a way that supports each person.

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RELATED IDEAS

There are four ways a partner response to something he or she doesn't like in the other:

  1. Ignore.
  2. Talk and find some solution.
  3. Keep sulking while providing silent treatment.
  4. Try to break up or start looking for other partners.

8

IDEAS

Getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger will allow you to reconstruct appropriate relationship dynamics. You will know you are on track when:

  • You nurture your own wants and desires
  • You say goodbye to abusive behavior.
  • You respond rather than react to your partner.
Building "Love Maps"

It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.

Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”

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