Dealing with your peers - Deepstash

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A Stanford psychologist on the art of avoiding rude people

Dealing with your peers

Your chances of getting rid of assholes that are colleagues or peers are higher. A simple strategy is to freeze them out. Don't invite them to events or gatherings. Shun them politely and smile if necessary, but otherwise, just ignore them.

Sometimes you have to speak to them in a language they understand.

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Maintain Physical Distance

The best way of avoiding workplace contagion by toxic workers is to minimize contact.

People are four times more likely to communicate regularly with individuals who are seated two met...

Slow the Rhythm

Slow the rhythm of your exchanges with toxic workers as much as possible. By doing so, you'll deny the abuser the positive reinforcement and pleasure they crave when they abuse others.

Reduce the frequency of communications. Limit meetings such that they are only scheduled on an as-needed basis. As well, when possible, minimize email communications and delay email response times.

Develop an Early Warning System

Oftentimes, an early warning system is best developed with the succor of a toxic worker's secretary or executive assistant. 

Because these individuals are best suited to predict rash behavior and/or mood swings. If you're able to successfully enlist individuals in the know, they can be invaluable in terms of alerting you not only of an asshole's presence, but also of his/her daily levels of "asshole-ness."

What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges ...

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

Leadership is about ownership

The most fundamental and important truth at the heart of Extreme Ownership: there are no bad teams, only bad leaders.” - Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, Extreme Ownership

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How to set the right example
  • Expect from others what you expect from yourself. Never ask for something you're not doing.
  • When things go wrong, try to stay calm. Life is nothing but a series of solved problems. 
  • When you screw up, admit it. There’s no place for your ego.
  • Be clear about your values and rules. People must take you seriously.
  • Respect others and don’t try to change them. It’s impossible to change people. You can only change yourself.