Defining closeness
- Intimacy means being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others.
- Reciprocation means that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person.
MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE
We are social beings and we need to create intimacy with other people, for the well-being of our body, mind, and heart.
Close friendships regulate our emotional distress because in difficult times, being close to someone you feel attachment in a safe way is the most effective way to calm yourself.
- Create a foundation of security.
- Look your friends in the face and give them your full attention.
- Help people understand and accept you. Be honest and stop pretending to be somebody cooler than you are.
- Ask for help even when you don’t need it so you’ll feel more comfortable reaching out when you'll know ho they respond to this kind of request.
- Accept that closeness varies from person to person. We all need it in different doses.
- Consistency (Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)
- Availability (How available are they to spend time together?)
- Reliability (Can I count on them if I need something?)
- Responsiveness (Do they reply to my emails and texts? Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)
- Predictability (Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)
RELATED IDEAS
Don’t be interesting. Be interested.
- Listen to people and ask them to tell you more.
- When they mention something you have in common, point it out.
- Be enthusiastic and encouraging.
- Look for friends with common interests.
- Schedule a "first date. There is nothing wrong with inviting someone for coffee or dinner because you think you have something in common with them.
- Make a commitment. Once you begin a friendship, you must be purposeful in developing it.
- Have fun. These fun activities become the moments that offer the perfect balance to the challenges in life.
In order for a relationship where both people feel seen, it must develop vulnerability.
As we spend more consistent time together, we are also incrementally revealing and sharing more of who we are with each other. The more we let someone see us (always increasing our positivity with responses such as affirmation, acceptance, and empathy) then the more loved we’ll feel for who we are.