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You’ll find that practicing self-compassion is more effective when directed towards supporting your needs, rather than being a vague promise to be kinder to yourself.
To understand your needs, you must first have some sense of what you value most in life. It’s in the moments that you’re not living in line with your values – and subsequently not practicing self-compassion – that you tend to suffer the most.
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Self-compassion is being an ally to yourself rather than an enemy.
It involves three closely connected components:
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When you offer compassion to a younger version of yourself, you’re stepping out of the cognitive rigidity that typically fuels your self-criticism and feelings of shame.
By externalizing and connecting with a version of yourself that isn’t technically present, you might find you can more e...
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Recognizing that you’ve fallen into self-criticism is the crucial first step in saving yourself from it and practicing more self-compassion:
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Despite the extensive research demonstrating the mental and physical benefits of self-compassion, it’s an often unknown, overlooked, or even avoided practice.
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If your inner critic said: ‘I’m so nosy. I shouldn’t have asked such personal questions,’ you would restate this as factually as possible. For example: ‘I asked one question about my boss’s marriage that, in this moment, I wish I hadn’t asked.’
Stripping down the situation to its i...
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You can do this in retrospect or in the moment you catch your inner critic speaking to you.
Imagine your inner critic as a being that lives inside your brain and talks to you. Rather than taking what it says (eg, ‘You’re so pathetic’) to be true or criticizing it for speaking up at all...
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Other curated ideas on this topic:
Think of three to six people you most admire or love. Consider why they are so important to you.
See a career counsellor as they are able to help match their clients to a compatibl...
By identifying your core values you become more aware of what pursuits are worth your resources and can better employ them. There will be necessary tasks that don’t align with your core values, but you still have tremendous freedom to make your choices matter.
Select your top six to eight values. Some of these values may change as you face new situations.
Examples of values: financial security, compassion, health/fitness, nature, accomplishment, creativity, dependability, loyalty, beauty, bravery, gratitude, love, connection/relationships, lea...
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