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Forget "Balance." The Secret to Happiness is Alignment.

Balance

Balance

Most people believe that balancing their lives, making sure everything is in the right proportions, whether it's work, family, social life, finances, etc., is the key to happiness.

The problem with 'balance' is that it is based on society's norms and values.

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Forget "Balance." The Secret to Happiness is Alignment.

Forget "Balance." The Secret to Happiness is Alignment.

https://medium.com/@VernaMyers/forget-balance-the-secret-to-happiness-is-alignment-ae91b7879d51

medium.com

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Key Ideas

Balance

Most people believe that balancing their lives, making sure everything is in the right proportions, whether it's work, family, social life, finances, etc., is the key to happiness.

The problem with 'balance' is that it is based on society's norms and values.

Alignment

Creating a joyful and fulfilling life isn't about balance, but about Alignment. An Alignment of our lives can:

  • Clarify our values and priorities.
  • Remove any noise or distraction of other's expectations.
  • Help us find the flow in life.
  • Make us let go of things that cause friction.
  • Bring order to life, rather than just trying to be everywhere, doing everything for everyone.

Taking Responsibility for our Life

Most of us have been bought up to behave in a certain socially acceptable and normal way, and we simply stick to the script and 'fit' ourselves in a certain mold, living a stereotyped life.

We need to take responsibility for creating a life that makes sense for us, as we are the authors of our own lives.

Asking for Specialized Help

The people we normally speak to regarding our lives: our partners, friends or family members, usually have their own set of agendas and assumptions.

Getting professional help to sort out your life is one of the best ways to heal and remember who we are.

No Fear

Aligning your life requires courage. Deciding what you care about and not being afraid to make difficult choices is the way forward.

We all have our logical reasons and excuses postponing difficult decisions, but true courage is in making the right move.

Direction

Life isn't perfect for anyone, and being your best self makes the daily challenges, struggles, and stress easier to handle.

You need to step back and look at the big picture, finding out if the elements of your life are lined up with what matters to you and what you believe in. Alignment is not about perfection, but direction.

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Balance is not the same as rest

It’s not about rest and finally getting that much-needed break, though it does include these aspects.

Balance is about distributing demands so we can stay on track. And sometimes that...

Balance is dynamic

Momentum helps us stay on course. It’s the same for all the corrections and adjustments we make along the way. 

Balance requires tweaking our schedule, task lists, and more. If you have it right one week, it still requires attention the next.

Balance is intentional

We have to make purposeful decisions and actions if we want balance. It’s not accidental. 

Those decisions and actions will look different for each of us, but they’re essential for all of us just the same.

The Four Burners Theory

Imagine that your life is represented by a stove with four burners on it: family, friends, health, your work.

The Four Burners Theory says that “in order to be successful you...

Life is made a tradeoffs

Everyone has constraints on their time and energy. And every choice has a cost. You cannot have it all. You have to choose. You can be mediocre in everything, or excel in some and ignore the rest

Options to maximize all areas of life:

  1. Outsource Burners: you can keep the burner running without spending your time on it.
  2. Embrace Constraints and try to be effective within those limits. Well designed limitations can improve your performances.
  3. Break your life into seasons: You don’t have to give up on your dreams forever, maybe you need to let go of something for this season.