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That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief
Feeling overwhelmed with grief
There is something powerful when we name the feeling of grief. It helps us feel what's inside. You don't have to tell yourself that you feel sad but shouldn't feel sad. Just feel sad for a few minutes.
If we allow the feelings to happen, they'll happen in an orderly way, and this empowers us. Then we're not victims.
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Key Ideas
Anticipatory grief
Conventional grief, the kind of grief that occurs after the loss of a loved one, or even loss of one’s dreams, is commonly discussed and understood.
Anticipatory grief is a lesser-known dimension of grief, something which occurs before death (or any great loss).
A Cauldron Of Emotions
Grief involves anger and loss of emotional control, often a state of confusion.
Anticipatory grief, for those who experience it, is sometimes even more severe and stressful. It does not lessen the burden of actual grief after the loss has been experienced, and is not a substitute for it..
Purpose of Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is a chance of closure and personal growth which comes at the end of life. It is a chance to reconcile differences and heal the heart with forgiveness.
The value of complaining
As important and healing as gratitude is, we can't be grateful all the time. There is a time when we also have to make room for complaints.
For weeks, we've been going through phases. Hoarding and planning move into anxiety and stress, and now we've entered the stale phase. We've planned to be productive, but struggle to self-motivate.
Complaining is a survival tool to help you cope if you use it wisely.
Complaining is better with others
- Make space for other people to vent aloud. They know that they are powerless, and they have to accept the situation. Venting gives them the illusion that they are in control.
- Have a little competition with your best complaints.
- Create a house chart of complaints where your kids can let out their own.
- Avoid complaining mistakes (such as: getting carried away by anger, firing too many complaints at a time or thinking that complaining alone will save us from our problems).
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Key Ideas
Experiencing Grief
Everyone has to experience grief at some point in life. It is an evolutionary trait that is present in mammals in general.
There seems to be a certain purpose for this internal response that we all have naturally.
The Five Stages Of Grief
The stages of coming in terms with grief are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
These widely accepted stages are considered rigid and obsolete as modern psychologists update the understanding of grief.
The Attachment Theory
It focuses on the psychological connectedness of grief, looking at the quality of bondings that are made during the course of our lives.
Grief, and even the behaviour of babies in the absence of parents suggests it is not just a mental experience, but has physiological effects, like raising the level of the stress hormone cortisol in our bodies.