It took time to realize that his love language... - Deepstash

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It took time to realize that his love language is 100 percent words of affirmation and zero percent quality time or acts of service. It seems strange to me, but that's him, and that's how he expresses (or doesn't express) affection. Once I got that, his lack of phone calls stopped hurting my feelings. And it works the other way, too. Recently, he complained that my dad and I always want to talk to him on the phone and he doesn't understand why.




Love languages can't fix everything, of course. They're not going to solve your joint money problems, for example. They're not going to make your in-laws more tolerable or get your partner to help out more around the house. But the concept does go a long way in communicating better, and we all kn...

As Chapman points out, there are different "dialects" for each language, too. For example, my primary language is quality time, but I also express and feel affection through words of affirmation and physical touch to some degree.

On the flip side, it's useful to know how you don't

You can probably figure out what your language is by simply giving it a little thought, but Chapman offers a 30-question quiz on his website . This is helpful because, if you identify with more than one language, the quiz tells you which ones ...

It can help in business, too. Business strategist Marie Forleo says the love languages concept is her "secret weapon" in maintaining a happy team . As a leader, she finds out how each person on her team feels appreciated, and she ca...

This term was coined by longtime relationship counselor Gary Chapman. His book,

In short, knowing what makes you tick and what doesn't can help you empathize with people a little better .

When you realize what your partner does and doesn't care about, you can empathiz...

In his own words, here's how Chapman breaks down the five love languages in his book:

The five languages are pretty straightforward, but here's a brief description of what each of them mean:

  • Words of affi...

Chances are, you can relate to a few of these. Maybe you relate to all of them. But most of us have one or two that are much more important to us than the others, and it's different for everyone. As Ch...

In his own words, here's how Chapman breaks down the five love languages in his book:

"My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages-five ways that people s...

"I hate talking on the phone," he said. "So I don't do it. I don't know why that hurts people's feelings."

I joked, "Because when you don't keep in touch, we think you don't love us anymore." "Oh shit," he laughed, and since then, he's been better at reaching out.

It's worth no...

I've found that the concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship, not just romantic ones. It's useful to understand what matters to people.

For example, I used to get angry at my brother for being terrible at keeping in touch. He rarely calls, and it hurt my feelings. ...

Getting to know a person in a romantic relationship is a gradual process. Over time, you learn more and more about them, including their likes and dislikes, and how they think.

When I realized "gifting" wasn't his love language at all, everything suddenly made a lot of sense, and I learned to show that I care in ways that speak to him. And conversely, when I do give gifts, he now understands that's my way of saying I love you, and it means more to him now.

That's sort of the idea behind the concept of love languages : they let you in on what makes your partner tick. The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differ...

When you know what your partner does and doesn't care about, it's a pretty big eye opener. For example, for years, I've been giving my significant other small gifts to show that I care. I put a lot of thought into those gifts, and I loved surprising him. It would piss me off when he'd receive the...

Overall, it all comes down to knowing what's important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better. Everyone is different. We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.

Of course, the concept is also helpful in simply expressing your love in the best possible way. For my fiancé's birthdays, I'd always put a huge amount of thought into his physical gift. Now that I know quality time is more important to him, I cater to that instead. I put more energy into plannin...

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The five love languages

The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationships. 

We all show affection in different ways. These “languages” simply label those ways so you can understand people a little better.




It refers to the idea that we all give and receive love differently. The five languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch




The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages is the concept, from Dr. Gary Chapman, that there are five different ways of communicating love.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts