Learn more about personaldevelopment with this collection
How to strengthen your willpower
How to overcome temptation and distractions
The role of motivation in willpower
Mistakes during arguments
- "Holding: the absolute truth: We think that when we say something during a conflict, it is an absolute truth rather than a reflection of an experience. If I feel it, then it must be a fact.
- Using the words "always" and "never:" I always do all the work/You never help with the work. Nobody likes to be defined by someone else.
- Chronic criticism: It happens when you criticize so much that you leave the other person feeling like he can never do anything right.
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Switching from reacting to reflecting
When you’re in an argument, before you disagree, try telling the person you’re speaking with what you heard them say.
When you’re in a disagreement, you are able to repeat what the other person said for only 10 seconds. After that, you go on with your answer or tune out....
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It’s not necessarily a bad thing to fight
Certain lines should not be crossed, and it’s important to repair them.
For that, keep in mind you have to validate the other person’s feelings and acknowledge the fact they experience things differently than you do.
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The form fights take
- The first dynamic of an argument: you gather the information that reinforces your beliefs and neglect information that challenges them.
- The second dynamic: the negative attribution theory. If I’m treating you poorly, it’s because I had a bad da...
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Validating and empathizing
We get into arguments because we want to feel that the other person respects what we’re experiencing. Saying "I can see where you’re coming from" is a great form of validation.
When your experience is acknowledged, you feel sane. So even if you don't agree with the other point of ...
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Learning from mistakes
It doesn't happen automatically. It requires thinking and reflection. No one likes to fail, lose time and energy. That’s why we need to make an effort to learn from the things that we wish we didn’t do.
Overgeneralizing
When something happens that they don’t like, some blow it out of proportion by making sweeping generalizations. Avoid starting sentences with, "You always," and, "You never," as in, "You always come home late!" or, "You never do what I want to do!" Stop and think about whether or not this is real...
Handling Conflict
Learn to fight constructively. The aim is to leave you feeling better about your partner.
- Identify the complaint, not the criticism.
- Avoid "you" phrases. '"You never" and "You always" followed by criticism.
- ...
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