Being a people-pleaser - Deepstash

deepstash

Beta

deepstash

Beta

What You Need to Do to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Being a people-pleaser

Being a people-pleaser

If you ever say "yes", when you want to say "no", or nod in agreement when you don't agree, you've probably experienced people pleasing.

People-pleasing is linked to a person's self-worth. A people pleaser hopes that saying yes will help him/her feel liked, but this could lead to feeling burned out, or cause unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.

The good news is that behavior can be changed. It is not easy, but making small changes will bring the desired result.

989 SAVES


This is a professional note extracted from an online article.

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

What You Need to Do to Stop Being a People Pleaser

What You Need to Do to Stop Being a People Pleaser

https://www.lifehack.org/856814/people-pleaser

lifehack.org

8

Key Ideas

Develop Awareness Of Your Behavior

People are often unaware of their people-pleasing behavior. The habit can become so ingrained that it's automatic.

It takes full commitment to stay aware with an intention to change. Write a list of all the things you would normally do in an effort to please. Take note of each time you do them and figure out how you will change it next time.

Drop the Label

When you label yourself with "I am...," it has the potential to become your identity. "I am a people pleaser. I am not liked."

Never describe yourself as a people pleaser. Instead, describe your behavior as you make a decision to change it.

Become Clear On Who You Are

When we get clear on who we really are and what we stand for, we have a strong sense of self.

If you have been pleasing others for a long time, you may have lost sight of what is important to you. You may not have an opinion of your own.

Find out what your core values are - what aspects of your life are most important to you. Our values drive every decision and choice. Your values will assist you to say "no" when you mean "no."

Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma Gandhi

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits and your habits become your values.”

Beliefs And Values

You have a set of beliefs behind each one of your values. If your beliefs around your values are too general, they can prevent you from changing your people-pleasing habits.

For example, "I am always there for people who need me" is too general and could include every person. "Always" implies no exception to that rule. When you adjust those beliefs to "I do my best to be there for my loved ones and friends," you have allowed space for exceptions.

The Word "No"

If we always say "yes" to others, we are saying "no" to ourselves. We lose sight of our own priorities and instead live by other people's standards. Saying "no" at first may bring feelings of guilt. But "no" is just a word.

You may find it difficult to say no or may fear to disappoint the other people. Because of this, you may try to find lengthy excuses for why you can't help with their request. You don't owe an explanation, but it can feel easier to give one.

Pause Before Responding

Decide to pause before you respond. It could prevent you from responding the usual way. If you are unsure of how you would like to respond, let the person know you will get back to them. Or let them know you will need to check your calendar first.

Don't beat yourself up for the times you slip up. Do notice where you make small changes and pat yourself on the back. Your confidence will increase with practice.

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The People Pleaser
It's the person that feels that most of the time there is no other option but to adjust to the expectations of others, and yet harbors a lot of hidden resentment.
A Type Of Lie
People-pleasing is essentially a form of lying.

And we do it not to obtain some sort of advantage over someone, but because we deeply fear the annoyance and dissatisfaction of the people around us.

Origins Of People Pleasing
It is related to being around people (usually our parents) who seem to have a really hard time and even be unable to accept and forgive some odd but sometimes necessary facts about their child.

To survive, we decide to be responsive to what others expect us to do and be, leaving aside what we really want.

2 more ideas

The Fear Of Disappointing Others
The Fear Of Disappointing Others

If one’s goal is to please everyone, the road then leads directly to failure and disappointment. Even if we are absolutely right, it is a subjective figure in the eyes of others, due to eve...

Comfort Stands In The Way of Growth

Our comfort zone stands in the way of our growth and learning. The only way to conquer fear is to push yourself into uncomfortable situations.

Even small tasks that make you uncomfortable gets the momentum going towards bigger challenges.

The Fear of Disappointing Others And Past Trauma

Our fear of disappointing others could just be something created because of our childhood, past relationships or some traumatic experience in our lives.

How we react tells us about who we are.

3 more ideas

Stuck in a state of passivity
Stuck in a state of passivity

Passive behavior is the sense of feeling a lack of motivation, energy, and willpower. It is often the cause of people feeling stuck at work or in their life.

It occurs whe...

Lack of motivation leads to passive behavior

The most common cause of passive behavior is being unmotivated.

It is a myth that motivation needs to come before action. More often, it is action that leads to motivation. You forced yourself to get in your workout gear and then suddenly felt ready to go. You forced yourself to meet friends and ended having a great time.

Action comes first, then motivation follows. When you feel unmotivated and passive, do something. Motivation and productivity will follow behind.

Lack of goals lead to passivity

When your only goal is to make it through the week, you may feel like you spend your life going through the motions with the same tasks week in and week out. It can become very dull. Finding meaningful goals can change all of that.

Meaningful goals can be spread out across all areas of life. Find purposeful goals within the work section of your life. Volunteer for a charity or get involved in other projects. Doing so will inevitably lead you out of passive behavior.

5 more ideas