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How To Get People To Open Up

Share something weird

To show that someone is safe to open up with you, share something that is considered to be somehow weird. Just be careful to not seem too crazy.

Sharing something slightly odd about you will signal to the other person that you don't really care about what others think and also that you are not a judgemental person, so they'll feel safe in your presence.

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How To Get People To Open Up

How To Get People To Open Up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKO6MidWggs

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Key Ideas

Reducing your personal filter

The reason we are afraid to open up, to share some things is the fact that we are afraid of how others will react.

If you want to make someone be comfortable in your presence and feel safe to open up, consider reducing the filter you use for "judging" the world around you.

Why we use small talk

Because we are afraid of being judged, we keep out a lot of ideas and feelings.

So instead of talking about what we really want, we put on a sort of filter and spend the time discussing the weather, classes or sports, because all these are safe topics.

Share something weird

To show that someone is safe to open up with you, share something that is considered to be somehow weird. Just be careful to not seem too crazy.

Sharing something slightly odd about you will signal to the other person that you don't really care about what others think and also that you are not a judgemental person, so they'll feel safe in your presence.

Make sure your value is high enough

Before sharing something weird about yourself, make sure your value is high enough; this means you have proper hygiene, you have a decent amount of social proof,  you are in decent shape, you dress well and make eye contact.

The higher your value, the easier it is to get away with saying something weird.

Assumption questions

You can use them to guide the conversation in a way that leads a person to open up.

How they work: you make assumptions about someone based on your observations and see if you are right or not.

How they help you: these questions show that you pay attention and care about what is being said. And if the assumption is wrong, they will react to it; you can use this reaction and start a new related conversation.

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Common errors when reading people
  • Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests. 
  • Not looking for clusters: It’s a consisten...
Trusting your instincts

Your first impressions are usually pretty accurate. But whether they are wrong or right, first impressions affect us in a big way and we are slow to change them.

You have to be willing to update them quite rapidly. 

Reading first impressions
  • Studies show that if someone seems extroverted, confident, religious or conscientious, they probably are.
  • We all pay more attention to pretty people, and so we tend to take the time to evaluate them.
  • If you want to know if someone is good at their job, watch them do it for 30-60 seconds. 
  • Funny people are smart: Effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.

one more idea

Addicted to Consuming Information
Addicted to Consuming Information

The amount of content on the Internet is huge and it’s practically impossible for us to consume it all. But we struggle with it anyway.

This creates a situation where we are constantly diges...

Information Clutter

In the case of information, reading several articles and sources on the same topic can create a lot of clutter. Because it creates internal struggles and questions:

  • What sort of information is important?
  • This post said this is important while another post said it wasn’t important. What information is relevant here?
  • What information should I internalize and apply?
The LATCH principle

... for organizing information:

  • Location: put the most relevant stuff to be within reach.
  • Alphabet: for organizing lists of people and statistics, dictionaries, and official documents.
  • Time: used when providing step by step instructions or when things have to be in chronological order.
  • Category: organize information by similarity or relatedness.
  • Hierarchy: organizing information that is used collectively to compare things.

4 more ideas

Google once, then start sketching

When you need to understand something unfamiliar to you, do some searches to have a quick overview of what other people have said about the topic. 

But to avoid going down on...

Get inside the right people's heads

Knowledge often comes not only from asking the right questions but meeting with the right people. So don't just seek smart people. Seek the right smart people.

There are key insights experts can’t reveal. The most valuable insights often come from people who are closest to a product, policy, or service but outside your sphere.

Teach to know

If you can't explain it with simple words, you don't really understand it. So write out everything you know about a subject as if you were teaching it to someone else.

Go beyond the professional jargon and assess if you really understand that complicated terminology.