How To Get People To Open Up - Deepstash





How To Get People To Open Up

How To Get People To Open Up

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Reducing your personal filter

Reducing your personal filter

The reason we are afraid to open up, to share some things is the fact that we are afraid of how others will react.

If you want to make someone be comfortable in your presence and feel safe to open up, consider reducing the filter you use for "judging" the world around you.


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Why we use small talk

Because we are afraid of being judged, we keep out a lot of ideas and feelings.

So instead of talking about what we really want, we put on a sort of filter and spend the time discussing the weather, classes or sports, because all these are safe topics.


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Share something weird

To show that someone is safe to open up with you, share something that is considered to be somehow weird. Just be careful to not seem too crazy.

Sharing something slightly odd about you will signal to the other person that you don't really care about what others think and also that you are not a judgemental person, so they'll feel safe in your presence.


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Make sure your value is high enough

Before sharing something weird about yourself, make sure your value is high enough; this means you have proper hygiene, you have a decent amount of social proof,  you are in decent shape, you dress well and make eye contact.

The higher your value, the easier it is to get away with saying something weird.


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Assumption questions

You can use them to guide the conversation in a way that leads a person to open up.

How they work: you make assumptions about someone based on your observations and see if you are right or not.

How they help you: these questions show that you pay attention and care about what is being said. And if the assumption is wrong, they will react to it; you can use this reaction and start a new related conversation.


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Having An Open Mind

Having An Open Mind

Being open-minded is a quality that makes us receptive to a diverse range of ideas, arguments and perspectives that may not align with our own.

If we are not open-minded, w...

Closed-Minded People

They are the individuals that only entertain their existing viewpoints, not being receptive to new ideas and previously unknown beliefs.

Having strong beliefs is not an indicator of a closed mind. One can have strong convictions and yet be empathetic towards others who have a different viewpoint.

Cognitive Dissonance

When a new piece of information that we learn from ourselves conflicts with our existing beliefs, and we are unable to deny the authenticity of the new idea, we experience Cognitive Dissonance.

If we are able to revise and update our outdated or incorrect belief patterns, we move towards learning and personal growth.

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Pitching involves mainly the fact of making somebody else contribute to a certain activity, by inviting them to do so.

Studies have shown that individuals tend to feel more involved...

Ownership and its effects

Whenever people feel that they have created or, at least, helped create something, they tend to become even more involved in that very activity that led to the creation of their possession. Furthermore, they try to find new solutions and ideas to improve their creation.



Motivation is not a switch. Motivation is a flow. 

If you can create a self sustaining motivation engine, you’ll not only be able to find more meaning and purpose in your life, bu...

Motivation Engine in 3 parts

  1. Core. Your purpose. It is sustained by two things: Having Meaning, and Forward Movement.
  2. Support. What enables your goals. They can magnify the motivation core you have, or speed up the momentum that you build.
  3. Surface. Any type of external recognition that might give you motivation.