The actual words don't matter. What counts is the lightness of tone that comes from an impression of the legitimacy or our position. For example:

• I love this song as well, but at the moment, I need to get some sleep (when someone is playing their music loudly near you)
• I know it's not your fault, but a fly does seem to have entangled itself in the minestrone (when you're in a restaurant and you found something inappropriate in your food)

We're seldom very good at perceiving someone's motives when an incident drives us mad. We see intention where there was none and escalate a situation when the agitated response is not warranted.

The less we like ourselves, the more we may appear in our own eyes as plausibl...