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How to Stop Being Passive and Start Getting What You Want
Stuck in a state of passivity
Passive behavior is the sense of feeling a lack of motivation, energy, and willpower. It is often the cause of people feeling stuck at work or in their life.
It occurs when your life situation is unhappy. You may know that you should learn how to stop being passive but are not sure how to do that.
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Key Ideas
Lack of motivation leads to passive behavior
The most common cause of passive behavior is being unmotivated.
It is a myth that motivation needs to come before action. More often, it is action that leads to motivation. You forced yourself to get in your workout gear and then suddenly felt ready to go. You forced yourself to meet friends and ended having a great time.
Action comes first, then motivation follows. When you feel unmotivated and passive, do something. Motivation and productivity will follow behind.
Lack of goals lead to passivity
When your only goal is to make it through the week, you may feel like you spend your life going through the motions with the same tasks week in and week out. It can become very dull. Finding meaningful goals can change all of that.
Meaningful goals can be spread out across all areas of life. Find purposeful goals within the work section of your life. Volunteer for a charity or get involved in other projects. Doing so will inevitably lead you out of passive behavior.
Analysis paralysis and passivity
Anything that involves analysis can cause passive behaviour. Analysis paralysis is so common today due to the numerous sources of information available. You can spend hours analysing expert opinions instead of just doing and learning through experience. Reading expert books on how to ride a bike is not the same as getting on the bike.
Your brain will give you reason after reason why you should continue to analyse. However, listen to your intuition and ignore your intellectual impulse to have all the details figured out first.
The good form of “passive”
Passivity is not always bad. Passive can also relate to peace, contentment, creativity, and inspiration. Great individuals throughout time emphasized stillness and reflection.
The good form of passivity is used in intervals to take your life to the next level.
Being proactive, not reactive
An effective way to stop being passive is not to react to other people and situations as soon as they happen. When we immediately react to an issue, we may often respond angrily or view a situation bigger than it really is.
Instead, watch your reactivity. How do you respond to unexpected situations? The closer you watch, the more proactive and effective your response will be.
Live in the present, but consider the future
While we can never accurately predict the future, it is useful to consider how it might play out. Keep in mind the goals you want to achieve and the circumstances you want in life.
From this position, focus all your attention back into the present moment. It is important to plan for the future, but don't live there because it doesn't exist. You can only work with the things in front of you. Take care of them one by one, and your life will fall into place.
Being passive as an emotional issue
The reason for your passivity is probably because you are convinced that you need to be motivated before you can take action.
Being passive and uninspired is often an emotional issue that needs addressing. It usually requires you to take action and then let the motivation follow. You could attach some reward with the action you want to take to bridge the emotional gap.
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Manipulation by passive and covert aggression
- Passive-aggression is an indirect way to go on the offensive. An example is when someone tries to "get you back" by resisting cooperation and giving you the "...
What a covert aggressive looks like
- They pretend to be innocent, ignorant, or confused when they did something awful. This tactic is to make you question your judgment.
- They don't give a straight answer to a straight question, but evade the question or change the subject when cornered.
- They lie by omission or distortion by deliberately being vague.
- They may either respond with charm and flattery, of will suddenly be angry.
- They'll play the victim and make themselves out to be the one in distress.
- They rationalize by giving a plausible excuse for engaging in inappropriate behavior, or they will downplay their behavior.
- Covert aggressives don't feel bad, but they know you do. They will send you on a guilt trip so you will lighten your accusations.
How to deal with a covert-aggressive person
- Let go of the pretense that if you play nice, they will play nice.
- Know your vulnerabilities and focus on the one thing that really needs to change: yourself. You can only control what you do.
- Set some boundaries for yourself. Be prepared for the consequences and set a support system.
- Memorize the list of tactics used by an aggressive person. Then it is easier to recognize the attack.
- If you're willing to accept an excuse, know that they will fling excuses at you until one stick.
- Stay calm and polite, and avoid sarcasm, hostility, or threats.
- Without being rude, be specific about what you expect or want from the other person. Aggressives will only participate if they can get something out of it. If they have to lose, they'll make sure you go down too. Ensure you propose win-win solutions
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Key Ideas
Diffuse the fear of being rejected
... by acknowledging and expecting it can and will hurt.
To overcome the sting of rejection, stop trying to avoid feeling that stings. Stop pretending your unaffect...
Interrupting rumination
Make a contract with your partner, family, and friends allowing them to catch you in the throes of verbal diarrhea when you were unfairly treated.
Work out three or four different activities that will distract you and turn your attention to something productive.
Regulate the number of rejection opportunities
... you expose yourself to.
We all have a different threshold of the amount of rejection we can handle. Wisely considering how much more you can handle is essential.
Before you take another step forward, ask yourself if you have the right resources and support in place to catch you.
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