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10 Reasons Why You Fail

Bad behaviors cascade

That reticence to ever ask someone out on a date probably plays out in your failure to move to a new city, to take that new job or the timidity around your co-workers.

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10 Reasons Why You Fail

10 Reasons Why You Fail

https://markmanson.net/why-you-fail

markmanson.net

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Key Ideas

Bad behaviors cascade

That reticence to ever ask someone out on a date probably plays out in your failure to move to a new city, to take that new job or the timidity around your co-workers.

Standing out of the crowd

People don’t like it when someone changes or does something that makes them feel awkward or insecure. They will think he’s crazy, selfish, arrogant. If you want to do something incredible, you have to become comfortable with being different from the rest.

Nothing worth having comes easy

As cliche as that sounds. Most of us give up on something we’re passionate about too soon. But anyone who’s been successful has a tale of struggle and perseverance to share.

Humility

It means knowing what you don’t know. 

Many people accomplish a little bit and decide that they are experts. But successful people often downplay their successes (or usually never even mention them) - they regularly point out their weaknesses and how they need to learn more.

Success and strong relationships

Success means building strong relationships. Creating a wealth of social and romantic relationships hinges on the ability to meet people and connect with them in a meaningful manner. And living without regular social contact is as unhealthy as smoking cigarettes.

Don't argue against feedback

The feedback loop goes like this: try something -> get feedback and results -> learn from feedback and results -> try something new.

People who are dead set on arguing why what they already believed is right (despite not working) are effectively breaking the chain off and not accepting feedback. Therefore they will never change.

Distractions and social media

Distractions are not limited to social media. Sports and politics are in this category too, when they come in the form of sensationalized infotainment meant to keep you clicking rather than informing and influencing your life.

Take responsibility

... for what happens to you. It’s tempting to blame your problems on some external factor, but to fix your problems you must have power over them. You can’t have power over aspects of your life unless you take responsibility for them. 

You are capable to handle stuff

Trust the process. This isn’t some sort of manifestation/affirmation mantra. The mind’s unconscious beliefs about possibilities inform the level of effort and expectation of success from the body’s behavior. So, a little delusion of grandeur goes a long way. 

Indifference as a defense mechanism

Some people are terrified to invest themselves into something because it could potentially lead to failure and failure could potentially lead to a lot of thoughts their psyche is not yet prepared to face: questions about self-worth, competence, being worthy of love, etc.

Success and self-worth

Something inside us makes us feel uncomfortable with the idea of accomplishing too many great things as a result. Deep down, you don’t think you deserve what you want. The heights and burdens of success make some feel like a king and others like a fraud.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Fear of Failure

People are considered sub-par or 'not up to the mark' if they are not good at the preset measurements and examinations, which are designed by others, that have a risk-averse outlook towards life.

Being Average 

Being average should not be looked down upon. There are a lot of successful people, who are good at what they do and are average at best.

Being consistent and reliable is more important than being exceptional. We should know our strengths and weaknesses, and move smartly towards success.

Lack of Willpower

It takes discipline and strength of character to effect a fundamental change in any of our ingrained habits, but once the momentum has been created, and the sense of satisfaction and well-be...

Poor Support Structure

Behind every successful person is a positive and reinforcing social structure.

Surround yourself with positive, reinforcing characters who want you to succeed and buy into your long-term happiness and fulfillment.

Unrealistic Expectations

If you are 50lbs overweight and give yourself five weeks to get ripped abs or tight buns, you are quite simply setting yourself up for failure.

This body is achievable, it isn't going to happen overnight, but if you set yourself a goal and motivate yourself it is achievable. 

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Fail Fast!

In our Success obsessed society, failure is rampant, as every successful person has a string of past failures, and may have been a loser before eventually finding success.

Learning from Failure

The person who eventually succeeds after failing is the one who is using failure to learn, as a feedback mechanism, and applying those lessons in his future decisions.

Importance of Failing Fast

Failing Fast is crucial considering the first lesson of learning and taking feedback from failure.

The speed of failing ensures we take the path to success sooner rather than being stagnated and then having to pay the opportunity cost. 

Our eventual success depends on our failing fast.

Failure

At some point in life, all of us have failed. It could be something as simple as not getting through a driving licence test or something as big as losing in an international competition.

F...

Failure is good in achieving success
  • Failure Strengthens You. Failure can tear you down but it also builds you to be a stronger person.
  • Failure Gives You a Sense of Direction. You get a sense of clarity on everywhere you have gone wrong and how to take a better path to reach where you want to be.
  • Failure Teaches You to Value all the right things in order to succeed.
  • Failure Gets Rid Of Fear. Once you are accustomed to failing you have nothing left to fear anymore.
  • Failure is an Opportunity. It shows us everywhere we might have gone wrong and gives us the opportunity to correct it.
  • Failure is an Experience and could give us a deeper understanding of life and alter the way we look at everything that happens around us.
Not Celebrating Your Success

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated.

Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believ...

Pursuing Perfection, But Never Feeling Perfect

Even if you have a clear goal of what perfection means, obsessively pursuing it is a sign of insecurity.

And insecurity, when not addressed directly, doesn’t go away because a concrete objective has been achieved, it manifests itself into self-criticism or a new overvalued goal.

Not Allowing Yourself To Fail

Instead of forgiving and viewing mistakes as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less than perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing productivity.

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Your Body is a Clock

Around 30 to 50 percent of people sleep between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am. Another 40 percents are either slightly morning people or slightly evening people.

To understand...

Early Bird or Night Owls

The body is an orchestra of organs, each providing an essential function. In this metaphor, the circadian rhythm is the conductor. The conductor makes every neurotransmitter, every hormone, and every chemical in the body cycle with the daily rhythm.

This makes us our sleep habits unique and tailored.

Sleep Habits

Being a morning (or evening) person is inborn, genetic, and very hard to change.

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The Dunning-Kruger effect

It's a type of cognitive bias in which people believe that they are smarter and more capable than they really are. Inexperience masquerades as expertise. And we tend to see it in other people,...

Intellectual humility

It means being actively curious about your blind spots. It’s not about lacking confidence, or self-esteem. It’s about entertaining the possibility that you may be wrong and being open to learning from the experience of others.

Why we need more intellectual humility
  1. Our culture promotes and rewards overconfidence and arrogance; 
  2. At the same time, when we are wrong — out of ignorance or error — and realize it, our culture doesn’t make it easy to admit it. Humbling moments too easily can turn into moments of humiliation.

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You focus more on what's wrong

... rather than what's right.

You can focus on what a lazy, forgetful, good-for-nothing partner you have or you can see them as a wonderful and loving partne...

You'd rather be right

... than in love. Even though it may seem justified when your partner falls short or makes a mistake, choosing a righteous response will only damage trust and create lingering resentment. 

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. It builds up appreciation, good will and a desire to do even better to please you next time.

Don't make it about you
  • Acknowledge that your partner has needs that also deserve to be met. Do your best to be the one who can help them meet their needs better than anyone else. 
  • When you take things personally and get your feelings hurt too easily, it closes off communication, makes problem-solving nearly impossible and leaves you both at risk. Look for the common ground instead of the insult.

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The Impostor Syndrome
The Impostor Syndrome

It is the feeling that you are not worthy of your designation, title, position or success.

Your accomplishments may be due to luck or effort, but you feel you lack the talent or skill ...

The Reality of Impostor Syndrome
  • The impostor syndrome is like a nagging feeling that our success might be due to luck, good timing, or even a computer error.
  • It makes us think we have done nothing, and that we secretly are a fraud for taking undue credit.
  • The person suffering from an impostor syndrome lives in fear that soon the 'secret' about his true nature will be uncovered.
Self-Efficacy is the Answer

The antidote to the impostor syndrome is self-efficacy, which is about learning one's own value.

Self-efficacy is described as a perceived ability to succeed at a particular task. It means having rock-solid confidence, a supercharged belief in your ability. 

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