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7 Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

Trying to control your emotions

People with low emotional intelligence think they have to solve difficult emotions. They try to get rid of any painful feelings.

Emotionally intelligent people see emotions as messengers. They validate them even if they don't like the content of the message.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

7 Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

7 Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

https://nickwignall.com/7-signs-of-low-emotional-intelligence/

nickwignall.com

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Key Ideas

Avoiding talking about your feelings

People with very low emotional intelligence will refuse to talk about their feelings because they aren't good at it. They may use vague language to describe how they feel, such as "I'm a little stressed" or "I'm kind of overwhelmed."

People with high emotional intelligence aren't afraid to describe their feelings. "I feel sad," "I'm angry," or "I'm disappointed."

Judging your own feelings

Emotions like fear or sadness feel bad. People with low emotional intelligence criticize themselves, thinking it is wrong to feel afraid. Or shameful to feel sad.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that if something feels bad doesn't mean it is bad. They treat themselves with compassion and kindness when they feel this way.

Trying to control your emotions

People with low emotional intelligence think they have to solve difficult emotions. They try to get rid of any painful feelings.

Emotionally intelligent people see emotions as messengers. They validate them even if they don't like the content of the message.

Noticing only your loud emotions

People with low emotional intelligence tend only to notice the loudest emotions. If they get cut-off on the road while driving, they feel "mad" but aren't aware they're also feeling afraid.

People with high emotional intelligence have enough self-awareness to see all their emotions, even the secondary emotions.

Blindly following your emotions

Emotions can give important information, but they can also mislead us, such as feeling anger when our spouse points out a problem and asks us to correct it.

Emotionally intelligent people listen to all their emotions but never overvalue them. They don't put blind trust in any of them.

Trying to ‘fix’ the emotions of other people

People with low emotional intelligence are afraid of painful feelings in others, so they try to make them go away. For example, they try to explain why you shouldn't feel the way you do or attempt to solve your bad mood.

A sign of high emotional intelligence is when someone is willing to sit with your emotions without judgment or advice.

Pretending to be happy all the time

People with low emotional intelligence pretends to be happy all the time and don't want to admit or show when they're feeling sad, afraid, ashamed, or upset.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that there are no good or bad emotions. They're secure enough to feel bad and show it.

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Emotions are not easy to be directly controlled, and in trying to do so, people may make it worse. But the most common advice provided by friends and family is to control one’s emotions or to manage one’s mood.

Accepting your emotions instead of controlling or suppressing them may be painful in the beginning but is a more holistic approach.

Judging Our Emotions

Our judgement of emotions, something extremely common, is the fastest way to end up in a therapist's office. Getting judgemental never works in making you feel better.

It is not a good idea to feel bad about feeling bad while you are feeling bad.

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Emotional Granularity: Becoming An Emotional Expert

If the brain has a large, flexible range of diverse emotions in any given situation, it’s emotional intelligence is wide-ranging and finely tailored. This ability of a flexible, emotion-rich brain is called granularity.

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Accepting sadness
Accepting sadness

As we associate sadness with a negative feeling, we tend to try to run away from it.

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Embrace your sadness

You might feel sadness from time to time, which actually makes you want to run away from this mood and focus on something happier.

Nevertheless, running has never been a solution and it will certainly not start being one in this specific case, as embracing your sadness is a surer way to control and get rid of it on a long term.

Scheduled sadness

In order to better understand and control your sadness, check out the below steps that lead to a so-called 'scheduled sadness' that will eventually help you reach your goal:

  • schedule a consistent time to focus only on your sadness
  • start by spending ten minutes on the task
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Emotional Intelligence( EQ/EI)

Is the measure of an individual’s abilities to recognise and manage their emotions, and the emotions of other people, both individually and in groups.

Benefits of a higher EQ
  • Ease in forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships and in ‘fitting in’ to group situations.
  • A better understanding one's own psychological state, which can include managing stress effectively and being less likely to suffer from depression.
IQ and EQ

There is no correlation between IQ and EQ scores.

IQ has no connection with how people understand and deal with their emotions and the emotions of others (EQ). 

You simply can’t predict emotional intelligence based on how smart someone is.

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  1. Self-Awareness: understanding of one’s emotions.
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  3. Motivation: having an intrinsic desire to achieve things.
  4. Empathy: the ability to understand emotions of other people.
  5. Social Skill:  the ability to build rapport and manage relationships.

There are 3 types of empathy
  • Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!”
  • Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.”
  • Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”

Compassion is what we focus on for emotional intelligence.

What Emotional Fitness is

It's the idea that in order to lead healthy, happy emotional lives we need consistent habits and exercises that support our mental health and wellbeing.

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  • Decreased stress: you learn to manage your triggers.
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  • Decreased anxiety: you train your mind to stop fearing its own emotional reactions.
  • You stick with your goals: you learn to deal with emotions like anxiety, shame, regret.
  • Increased self-awareness: you learn to build a better relationship with your emotions.
Get to know your emotions
  • Emotional clarity: Taking the time to deliberately reflect on our emotions, to observe and label them.
  • Emotional myth-busting: Eliminating myths and misconceptions floating around people’s minds about emotions. 
  • Emotional tolerance: Learning to resist short-term gratification and instead invest in long-term values.

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Example: Some office team members demean and embarrass their colleagues, using emotion to hurt their psyche.

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Use assertive communication

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Respond instead of reacting

The emotionally intelligent person knows how to stay calm during stressful situations. 

They don't make impulsive decisions and understand that in times of conflict the goal is a resolution.

Utilize active listening skills

Emotionally intelligent people make sure they understand what is being said before responding. 

They also pay attention to the nonverbal details of a conversation. This prevents misunderstandings, allows the listener to respond properly and shows respect for the person they are speaking to.

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