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Every Successful Relationship Is Successful for the Same Exact Reasons

Trust builds intimacy

If something bothers you in the relationship, you must be willing to say it out loud to your partner. Doing so builds trust, and trust creates intimacy. If you cannot trust, you cannot be trusted.

  • Share those insecure things you hate sharing with people. You and your partner need to have a good understanding of each other's insecurities.
  • Make promises and then stick to them.
  • Learn to discern your partner's shady behaviour from your own insecurities and vice-versa.

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Think in terms of a “bank account”
You can save or withdraw money from your bank account.

Save your criticism and deposit your compliments. 

It’s essential to have more deposits (in the form of praise, kindness, exp...

Don’t get defensive
There’s a difference between seeking the truth versus automatically getting defensive. 

When an argument arises, you should both work from the position of 'what can we do to move our shared life forward?’ instead of investing energy into showing why one point of view is correct and the other one is not.

When you’re wrong, own it
If you’re wrong, don’t shy away or hope it just goes away. 

Take responsibility for your actions, be sincere, and work to make the other person feel accounted for and reassured that you’ll behave better next time. 

Creating routines
Creating routines

Too much is expected of modern relationships: your partner is supposed to fulfil roles that historically used to be spread out within communal structures. Your partner is supposed to be your be...

How to respond to the "invisible work"

During the pandemic, being at home with a partner reveals the "invisible work" they're doing, which may be taken for granted. This expanded view of ourselves and our partners can go in two directions.

  • In one direction, you are curious and say, "I never knew. I really appreciate it. I realize how I let you do everything." It becomes a source of connection.
  • It the other direction, it becomes a source of blame where you want to complain and tell your partner just how much you are doing. This way, you're not going to get help.
How people should fight

Couples go through harmony, disharmony, and repair. So they will inevitably get into arguments. However, what matters is how you fight. Don't highlight everything negative while taking the positive for granted.

  • Start by saying to yourself, "What are the one or two things that they have done that I can appreciate?" If you start with that, you will fight differently.

  • Stay focussed on the one thing that you're upset about at this moment. Don't end up talking about other things.

Chapman’s Five Love Languages
Chapman’s Five Love Languages

Author Gary Chapman developed the theory that there are five basic ways romantic partners give and receive love.

The five love languages are:

  1. Ph...
The Receiving Gifts Love Language

We often speak the love language to our partners that we ourselves want to receive.

If your partner's love language is gifts, they'll put the item on display or wear it every day, But the surest way to find out if your partner's love language is gifts is to ask them.

Our Partner’s Gift-Giving Language

If the gifts love language doesn't come naturally to you, you should still learn the language if your partner speaks it.

Look at things in your daily life from a gift-giving perspective. It doesn't have to be expensive, just little reminders that they're always on your mind. If you know someone who speaks gifts as their love language, then not getting them a gift on a special occasion would be very hurtful to them, as would approaching the gift-giving as more a chore than an opportunity.