Be honest

It can be tempting to slip into platitudes and white lies in an attempt to stay likable — a new study has shown that we associate a lot of fear with being honest, because we expect a negative reaction (and perhaps dislike) from our conversation partners as a result. But these fears are actually largely unfounded: People don’t usually have the negative reactions to honesty that we expect, and we end up feeling really great, too, after speaking up honestly.

The study notes two main kinds of honest talk that you can draw on for this: Give honest feedback (at work, this might mean some constructive criticism about a colleague’s performance), and answer personal questions honestly — if someone at a party asks you how you’re doing, answer with how you’re really feeling, even if that means saying something like, “Actually, I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now.” Then use the opportunity to follow up with a question about your conversation partner: “Have you ever felt like you were struggling to keep up with everything? How do you cope when you do?”

Let your partners talk about themselves

A study by several Harvard researchers found that talking about yourself is a pleasure akin to eating. As in, people love it. Study participants went as far as to give up money for the opportunity to talk about themselves. What this ...