Marriage: Then And Now
- In the old days, the institute of marriage was rarely about love and passion, but about safety, respect and security. The husband or the wife had reasons to stray from their bond, due to the lack of mystery, love, passion and excitement that they craved.
- Modern love is further complicating the phenomenon of marriage, where it almost always fails to live up to the promised ideals of love, passion, undivided attention and purity.
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Modern love is harder than ever, as commitment becomes synonymous with the loss of self. The western world has always cherished a sense of individualism, and each person is to be a complete package, being able to provide compassion, sexual excitement, financial freedom and even self worth.
The result: Love is commodified
Marriage would ideally mean that our chosen one would offer us stability, safety, dependability and predictability. Apart from the laundry list of perfection, it is also an expectation to provide mystery, adventure, awe and wonder.
The wedding band comes with the weight of anticipations, of being ten different people and keeping the show going, juggling the various balls of expectations. If one ball falls, the marriage breaks down.
- Studies show that people with more social resources, who can talk to a wide range of friends about the issues they face, are better in their marriage.
- One need not think of love as a disposable commodity, and has to work on a relationship by investing time and energy.
- One has to be patient and work towards making the expectations become reality, together.
RELATED IDEAS
Thus, you should give up the hope that you can be flawless and put together every day in a relationship.
That idea is not realistic, puts you in a continuous state of feeling that you're not good enough, and can stop you from developing real confidence in yourself.
Certain lines should not be crossed, and it’s important to repair them.
For that, keep in mind you have to validate the other person’s feelings and acknowledge the fact they experience things differently than you do.
There are new trends in the intimate relationship landscape. We want to maintain unclear relationships - too afraid to be alone, but unwilling to fully engage in intimacy building.
This stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels constant uncertainty, and neither person feels really appreciated or nurtured.