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Three types of expectations
Our expectations are mostly formed in the context of our relationships with others. When they are breached, we tend to feel offended.
- Foreseeability expectations. They drive us to expect others to predict the potentially negative impact of their words and actions: "I did not expect to hear this from my friend."
- Reciprocity expectations. They are based on hoping that our favours or kindness are returned in kind.
- Equity expectations. They are about our desire to be treated fairly and equally.
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Taking offense
Most of us have felt offended at a remark. However, we have probably also experienced the shock of finding out that others were offended by our comments, even if we had no intention of hurting them.
We take offense at explicitly rude language directed at us. We also take offense a...
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Avoid causing offense
If you are not sure if you will cause offense, try to put yourself in the shoes of the people you are talking to. Ask yourself if you are saying what they would realistically expect you to say and if you are treating them fairly.
If you feel you take offense too qu...
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Taking offense outside personal relationships
We often take offense outside our personal relationships—for example, a comment on Facebook that ridicules or questions something we find important or of value.
We use our values and beliefs to make judgements. Our belief in specific values may be an important part of our identity and expl...
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Kinds Of Expectations
- Foreseeable expectations are those which we assume others will know based on our interpersonal relationship with them and feel offended when we see it is breached.
- Reciprocity expectation is a hope that our favors and kind deeds towards someone are repaid by them.
Feeling Offended
Taking offence is an experience of negative emotions triggered by a word or deed which conflicts with what is expected or believed to be correct, suitable, moral and acceptable behaviour.
This feeling of being offended is deeply rooted in our expectations, which are usually f...
Let Go Of Expectations
We cannot even understand ourselves, so it is futile to think that we can fully understand other people.
- Normally, we would not do something inconsistent with our values and goals, so we cannot demand others to fulfill our expectations if it is not consistent with th...
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