These are the reasons why you find something offensive

Most of us have felt offended at a remark. However, we have probably also experienced the shock of finding out that others were offended by our comments, even if we had no intention of hurting them.

We take offense at explicitly rude language directed at us. We also take offense at what was meant or implied by a comment.

Our expectations are mostly formed in the context of our relationships with others. When they are breached, we tend to feel offended.

1. Foreseeability expectations. They drive us to expect others to predict the potentially negative impact of their words and actions: "I did not expect to hear this from my friend."
2. Reciprocity expectations. They are based on hoping that our favours or kindness are returned in kind.
3. Equity expectations. They are about our desire to be treated fairly and equally.