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Christopher the Coherent
@coherent
Kinds Of Expectations
- Foreseeable expectations are those which we assume others will know based on our interpersonal relationship with them and feel offended when we see it is breached.
- Reciprocity expectation is a hope that our favors and kind deeds towards someone are repaid by them.
- Equity expectations happen when we want to be treated fairly and equally.
These expectations, values and beliefs are all based on our past experiences.
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Most of us have felt offended at a remark. However, we have probably also experienced the shock of finding out that others were offended by our comments, even if we had no intention of hurting ...
Three types of expectations
Our expectations are mostly formed in the context of our relationships with others. When they are breached, we tend to feel offended.
- Foreseeability expectations. They drive us to expect others to predict the potentially negative impact of their words and actions: "I did not expect to hear this from my friend."
- Reciprocity expectations. They are based on hoping that our favours or kindness are returned in kind.
- Equity expectations. They are about our desire to be treated fairly and equally.
Taking offense outside personal relationships
We often take offense outside our personal relationships—for example, a comment on Facebook that ridicules or questions something we find important or of value.
We use our values and beliefs to make judgements. Our belief in specific values may be an important part of our identity and explains why we take offense when those values are not respected.
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Being assertive means learning to manage your energy, plan your approach and craft your message in a way that maximizes potential for the other person, to be open to receiving and accepting it.
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Acknowledge and don't react
- Make it known you noticed that underhanded insinuation by pausing and directing your attention to it.
- Calmly state you will revisit what they said, the action they took or the decision they made at another point. And you don’t ask it as a question; you make a statement.
Pause and reflect to gain clarity
Give yourself space to come to terms with what you experienced before being able to consider what action to take next.
Get clear on your values. It’s important that you understand within yourself first, the nature and reason behind the battle you choose to fight.
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