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Why people take offence
Kinds Of Expectations
- Foreseeable expectations are those which we assume others will know based on our interpersonal relationship with them and feel offended when we see it is breached.
- Reciprocity expectation is a hope that our favors and kind deeds towards someone are repaid by them.
- Equity expectations happen when we want to be treated fairly and equally.
These expectations, values and beliefs are all based on our past experiences.
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Feeling Offended
Taking offence is an experience of negative emotions triggered by a word or deed which conflicts with what is expected or believed to be correct, suitable, moral and acceptable behaviour.
This feeling of being offended is deeply rooted in our expectations, which are usually formed in the context of our relationship with others.
Kinds Of Expectations
- Foreseeable expectations are those which we assume others will know based on our interpersonal relationship with them and feel offended when we see it is breached.
- Reciprocity expectation is a hope that our favors and kind deeds towards someone are repaid by them.
- Equity expectations happen when we want to be treated fairly and equally.
These expectations, values and beliefs are all based on our past experiences.
A Sense Of Entitlement
Believing in our values forms our identity and provides us with a sense of entitlement to feel offended because we feel these 'sacred' values should be respected.
This is amplified by being exposed to a lot of different points of view on social media.
Changing Perspective
If you want to avoid offending someone, you can start by seeing the problem with the other person's point of view and finding out the root cause of the problem, understanding that there may be:
- Many things you don't know about the other person.
- Many things they don't know about you.
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