deepstash

Beta

How to Be an Exceptionally Good Listener

Validate your own emotions

Defensiveness sabotages your ability to be a good listener. People become defensive when they feel threatened in a relationship.

The best way to avoid defensiveness and continue to listen well, even when you're upset, is to practice validating your own emotions. Say to yourself that it is okay that you feel angry or hurt. But, you get to decide how to act moving forward.

256 SAVES

896 READS

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Becoming a better writer
Becoming a better writer

You can become a better writer by simply becoming more aware of your surroundings.

Writing is mostly strategy. And a big part of writing strategy lies in listening.

Writing is not about what you write

It's about how you write. Every person has a different way of expressing themselves. We can all spot which writers are fake and which ones are real. But when we write, we forget about that. We fail to think of someone a bit sceptical.

When you write, you need to be convinced of what you write. Your biggest enemy is not the sceptic, but the reader who calls you out by simply discarding your writing.

How to write something that catches people's attention

Start becoming aware of things that actually matter by listening to your friends, family, spouse, readers, and yourself.

See yourself as a researcher who is studying your particular subject. The better you observe the details of daily life, the better you can explain them.

Anger and Aggression
  • Anger: An emotion felt when we believe we have been wronged.
  • Aggression: is an act of expression of the anger, by our words our actions. Aggressio...
Validation and Boundaries
  • We can try and validate the anger felt by an individual by making them know that their anger is maybe justified while putting firm but respectful boundaries on their aggression.
  • We then need to be clear about what type of aggression we are willing to tolerate, setting boundaries on the unacceptable.
  • We may have to put our foot down and be ready to leave the conversation or escalate the issue, without falling into the trap of guilt and emotion.
  • If possible, we need to restart the conversation when things have cooled down, and diffuse the issue in a calm way.
Avoiding Speculative Self-Talk

Unchecked self-talk can easily turn into self-delusion. The stories we create almost always make you look like the good guy and cannot be termed as objective.

  • The way to get out of this speculative self-delusion is to avoid any speculation about other people's anger, at least initially.
  • Make sure to note down the facts of the situation. This can make the story less according to your gut instinct, and more towards the objective reality.
Avoiding talking about your feelings
Avoiding talking about your feelings

People with very low emotional intelligence will refuse to talk about their feelings because they aren't good at it. They may use vague language to describe how they feel, such as "I'm...

Judging your own feelings

Emotions like fear or sadness feel bad. People with low emotional intelligence criticize themselves, thinking it is wrong to feel afraid. Or shameful to feel sad.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that if something feels bad doesn't mean it is bad. They treat themselves with compassion and kindness when they feel this way.

Trying to control your emotions

People with low emotional intelligence think they have to solve difficult emotions. They try to get rid of any painful feelings.

Emotionally intelligent people see emotions as messengers. They validate them even if they don't like the content of the message.