More intimacy, less sex - Deepstash
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More intimacy, less sex

More intimacy, less sex

The level of intimacy in a couple is usually inversely corelated with sexual desire:

  • Intimacy increases the amount of care for one another. But great sex requires egoism.
  • In a close couple, the distance between the two shrinks. Distance is a prerequisite for desire. We need a private physical , emotional and intelectual space.
  • Autonomy diminishes. But we tend to love independence.

Love is to be had while desire is to be wanted. Love is confort while desire cares about the unknown.

252

2.84K reads

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Porn works because it's selfish

Porn works because it's selfish

There is no person to judge you when you are watching porn. There is a psychological safety coming from this selfish act that is inhibited by a loving intimate relationship.

198

2.36K reads

Predictable relationship -> Lousy sex

Predictable relationship -> Lousy sex

Passion requires uncertainty. It thrives on mystery. A stable relationship however is based on predictability. And this is the core conflict modern couples need to resolve.

It is a rather new phenomenon as it's recently that marriage came with the expectation of eroticism. ...

241

3.85K reads

Sexual fantasies

Sexual fantasies

... are mental activities that generate desire. They can be fuzzy or very descriptive.

Most of them are hidden as are not very adequate: aggressiveness, power, revenge, gelosy are the impulses driving most people fantasies. They are complex psichological creation with simbolic not l...

182

2.08K reads

Sex is politically incorrect

Sex is politically incorrect

Equality assumes that women and men have to behave the same in bedroom.

But sex is a power-game, where some want to dominate or be dominated. That's normal, even as it goes against our current western political sensibilities.

207

2.56K reads

The equilibrium of a relationship

The equilibrium of a relationship

Intimacy and passion are a paradoxical relationship one needs to accept. You can not have them both at the same time.

You can have them at separate times. It's like flux and reflux. Keeping them in an equilibrium is the challenge and the opportunity of a couple.

207

2.32K reads

The Spontaneity Myth

The Spontaneity Myth

Spontaneity is not a requirement for good sex. And most of our memories about spontaneous interactions were actually pretty well plenned.

Planning is the antidote. Planning creates anticipation and should not be seen as a task. It should be a game, where imagination takes over. Some ideas:

213

2.04K reads

CURATED FROM

CURATED BY

vladimir

Life-long learner. Passionate about leadership, entrepreneurship, philosophy, Buddhism & SF. Founder @deepstash.

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More Dopamine, Please!

More Dopamine, Please!

  • For humans, rats, and all animals , the desire and motivation to pursue sex arise largely from a neurochemical called dopamine.
  • Dopamine amps up the centerpiece of the primitive part of the brain—the reward system. It’s where we experience cravings and pleasu...

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