Personalization or excessive responsibility - Deepstash
Personalization or excessive responsibility

Personalization or excessive responsibility

You see yourself as the cause of a negative event for which you probably weren’t responsible (or you weren’t the only one responsible). Self-blame for others’ misfortunes or for everyday mishaps, or relating external events to oneself when there’s no basis for it, can negatively impact your daily life and how you see yourself.

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MORE IDEAS FROM 5 irrational thinking patterns that could be dragging you down - and how to start challenging them

“Should” statements
“Should,” “ought to” or “must are words of constraint and constriction; they can lead to your feeling like you have few options and too-high expectations. Expanding your sense of choice starts with changing the language you use in your self-talk.

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Overgeneralizing
When you draw general rules from specific events, and apply them across unrelated situations. Your rules are usually negative rather than positive.

For example, when you don’t get a job you want, you think, “People don’t like me, I’m going to die alone.”

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All-or-nothing thinking
Seing people and situations in either/or categories, without allowing for complexity(e.g.: the best/the worst). In reality, our lives unfold in shades of gray.

Finding one alternative path between the 2 extremes can help break the pattern, and conceiving of a few more develops your skill in seeing the nuances in every situation.

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Disqualifying the positive
When you reject positive statements or occurrences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or another. For example, your boss praises you in front of your colleagues. When someone mentions it to you later, you say, “She said that because I was standing in front and she couldn’t avoid me.”

Whenever you disqualify the positive, you’re wrongly reinforcing negative beliefs about yourself and your world.

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RELATED IDEA

Narrative Habits

The way we talk to ourselves about the events in our lives is subject to the same laws of learning and habit formation that physical behaviors are.

That means we can learn to talk to ourselves in specific ways just like we can learn to tie our shoes or say please and thank you.

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It's a method of looking at things in ways that create less stress and promote a greater sense of peace and control. 

It means changing the way you look at something and thus changing your experience of it.

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  • Seeing the world in terms of black and white extremes. 
  • A tendency to magnify our faults and minimize our achievements. 
  • Taking an isolated event and assuming that all other events will follow the same pattern. 
  • Jumping to conclusions.
  • Catastrophising: 

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