Resilience is becoming a buzzword, a mainstay of many books telling us to recover and grow from difficulties. This substitute word for mental toughness may not be enough to adjust or recoup from misfortune, heartbreak, or a tragedy.

• The first question we need to ask during or after a crisis is what is it that matters to us the most? What must we protect and hold on to? We need to look at what is possible in this new reality and what choices we have.
• One has to pull the pieces together and craft a workable life...

Bouncing back from a profound loss or suffering may be impossible for many, as the crisis has created a black hole in their universe, which they have now entered. It is not the time to look back, as the past self is suddenly useless and irrelevant.

Imagination reduces the cognitive, neural and physiological conditioned threat response.

Pain narrows down our choices and creates a tunnel vision that can lead to negative thinking and even self-harm. Positivity by itself feels shallow.

An alternative to resilience is a mysterious, unknown potential towards a future that yet unseen, but can be imagined.