Why Imagination—Not Resilience—Might Help You Heal From Heartbreak - Mindful

Resilience is becoming a buzzword, a mainstay of many books telling us to recover and grow from difficulties. This substitute word for mental toughness may not be enough to adjust or recoup from misfortune, heartbreak, or a tragedy.

Pure resilience, it seems, is hard to cultivate and may be difficult to maintain even for people who use mindfulness to become mentally tough and strong. It is an ineffective coping device for people who believe they are weak.

Bouncing back from a profound loss or suffering may be impossible for many, as the crisis has created a black hole in their universe, which they have now entered. It is not the time to look back, as the past self is suddenly useless and irrelevant.

Bouncing back does not take into account the dynamic mind shift that has happened to the individual.

An alternative to resilience is a mysterious, unknown potential towards a future that yet unseen, but can be imagined.

Hardships can be dealt with imagination, curiosity, openness and adaptability towards the expansive potential of a new future.

Imagination reduces the cognitive, neural and physiological conditioned threat response.

An individual can use imagination to plan for the future by thinking from the perspective of the past. It is a creative approach which can be practised while handling life’s challenges.

• The first question we need to ask during or after a crisis is what is it that matters to us the most? What must we protect and hold on to? We need to look at what is possible in this new reality and what choices we have.
• One has to pull the pieces together and craft a workable life by imagining and implementing small things that are extremely heavy at that time.
• Feelings of gratitude, connection, bonding and compassion are crucial in the times of suffering as they give us space and relief.

Pain narrows down our choices and creates a tunnel vision that can lead to negative thinking and even self-harm. Positivity by itself feels shallow.

Imagination comes with a choice of action, which offers a possibility to feel something apart from pain.

1. Use deep breathing or a mantra to acknowledge the reality of the traumatic event.
2. Choose a positive word or phrase that helps you stay grounded, like love, peace or connection.
3. Imagine what the future can be using the chosen word.
4. The simple act of imagining unglues us from the negative and bleak mindset we may be stuck with.