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Understanding how people feel appreciated

The idea of Gary Chapman's love languages is that everyone gives and receives love in different ways. If we want to show people that we care about them, we need to understand what behaviours they interpret as an expression of appreciation.

The five love languages are:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Acts of service
  4. Physical touch
  5. Receiving gifts

Most people prefer one over the others. Knowing which one a person prefers will free you from the need to spend money on fancy presents.

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Overcoming an unhealthy behavior

It is useful to map out the habit loop.

  • The trigger: what thoughts or feelings are driving your behaviour?
  • The behaviour: What action do you take when you experience that trigger?
  • The result: What i...

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Gift giving: Equating worth with giving

If you equate love and worth with things and giving, it doesn't mean you have to repeat the pattern. You have the autonomy and agency to decide what feels okay for you.

Love, care, and appreciation can be shown in other ways, such as a phone call or a glass of wine with your ...

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Unhealthy gift-giving

Some people are obsessed with giving gifts, even if they can't afford it.

Science says we do this because giving to others genuinely makes people happier. Even if you’re struggling to meet your own basic needs, you’re more likely to derive happiness from ...

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The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages is the concept, from Dr. Gary Chapman, that there are five different ways of communicating love.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts

The concept of the 5 love languages

It refers to the idea that we all give and receive love differently. The five languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch

The Five Languages Of Love

The Five Languages Of Love

We express or receive love in five fundamental ways:

  • Acts of service (like washing the partner’s car).
  • Spending quality time.
  • Words of affirmation or motivation.
  • Gifts
  • Touch, intimacy and closeness.

Often, the two partners have differ...

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