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How to Say No to Requests (Without Damaging Your Relationships)
Ignoring Is Common
Social media has made unwanted requests and their ignoring easier, training us to quietly ignore anything we don’t like, or cannot commit to, but with the security of the other person not getting any kind of rejection.
The best way to say no apparently is to say nothing at all, at least on the virtual front.
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Key Ideas
Being “too nice” can cause you problems
You're asked to do something, and you feel you should say no. However, if you say no, you'll be resented, so you are tempted to say yes. If you say yes, you're going to be frustrated wi...
Saying NO without guilt
- Notice how often people around you say no to each other every day. Also watch how others handle these situations.
- When you feel pressured for a yes, ask for time. It will allow you to calm down and evaluate whether you really want to do it ( "I need to check my calendar; I'll get back to you"/ "I've got to think about that; I'll let you know.")
- Saying no comfortably requires you to think what your values are. When you live by clear principles, it's easier to make decisions. People are more likely to respect your responses.
- Keep telling them that you can't help them. Then stay on repeat, even if they bring new angles of reasoning.
- When you want to help but can't commit to the specifics, make a counteroffer. You can offer someone a different resource or the name of someone else who might help.
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Key Ideas
Fear of rejection
The main reason why we are having a hard time declining other people's requests is that we are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid that people might think negatively.
Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
- Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person: Saying no doesn't mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all unhelpful beliefs that make it hard to say no. Learning where these beliefs have come from is a great way to learn to let go of them.
- Knowing Your Value: Learning to say no is realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion about yourself over others.
- Is It Really Worth It?: Learning to say no is also deciding if saying yes is really worth it. Think about the anguish, stress, and resentment that saying yes has caused you. Wouldn't it be so much easier and straightforward to just say no in the first place?
Helpful Tips for Saying No
- Be direct.
- Don't apologize and give all sorts of reasons.
- Be honest.
- Don't delay your response.
- Be polite.
- Practice saying no. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
- Know your worth. Don't mind what other think of you.
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Key Ideas
Our inner 'demons'
Our inner Demons, or inner voices, make us do irrational, stupid and selfish things, based out of fear.
We hide and distract ourselves from our inner voice, which is nothing but our fear and ...
Our common negative parts
Some of our common 'demons' are:
- Procrastination
- Laziness
- Self-loathing
- Comparing yourself with your peers, leading to envy
- Loser mentality.
The downward spiral
Our inner demons lead us to negatively judge ourselves, further leading to avoiding that judgment, and eventually starting the internal self-destruction, if the negative downward spiral is left unchecked.