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How to Say No to Requests (Without Damaging Your Relationships)
Just Say No
Sometimes a clear No is actually a stronger option than a weak Yes. A well-focused rejection makes you a powerful person.
One can look for engagements and clean out one’s calendar, making sure that the time is only spent on valuable, productive activities that help towards your own business interests.
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Key Ideas
Being “too nice” can cause you problems
You're asked to do something, and you feel you should say no. However, if you say no, you'll be resented, so you are tempted to say yes. If you say yes, you're going to be frustrated wi...
Saying NO without guilt
- Notice how often people around you say no to each other every day. Also watch how others handle these situations.
- When you feel pressured for a yes, ask for time. It will allow you to calm down and evaluate whether you really want to do it ( "I need to check my calendar; I'll get back to you"/ "I've got to think about that; I'll let you know.")
- Saying no comfortably requires you to think what your values are. When you live by clear principles, it's easier to make decisions. People are more likely to respect your responses.
- Keep telling them that you can't help them. Then stay on repeat, even if they bring new angles of reasoning.
- When you want to help but can't commit to the specifics, make a counteroffer. You can offer someone a different resource or the name of someone else who might help.
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Key Ideas
Fear of rejection
The main reason why we are having a hard time declining other people's requests is that we are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid that people might think negatively.
Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
- Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person: Saying no doesn't mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all unhelpful beliefs that make it hard to say no. Learning where these beliefs have come from is a great way to learn to let go of them.
- Knowing Your Value: Learning to say no is realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion about yourself over others.
- Is It Really Worth It?: Learning to say no is also deciding if saying yes is really worth it. Think about the anguish, stress, and resentment that saying yes has caused you. Wouldn't it be so much easier and straightforward to just say no in the first place?
Helpful Tips for Saying No
- Be direct.
- Don't apologize and give all sorts of reasons.
- Be honest.
- Don't delay your response.
- Be polite.
- Practice saying no. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
- Know your worth. Don't mind what other think of you.
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Key Ideas
The people pleaser
There's a high price for continually saying yes to the thing you just don't want to do.
When your top priority is to be liked all the time, you suppress and repress who you are. The...
Know when you can safely say "no"
- Over one week, observe how you spend your time and energy. Keep note of how many times you say yes, no, or maybe to a request. Notice and record how each request made you feel.
- Identify the times you say no and everything still works out fine. This will help you to know how you can respond in the future.
- The requests that caused you anxiety: Ask yourself what the baggage behind it is. Does it remind you of old hurts and loss? The habit can also be a survival tactic to repress who you are.
Once you know where you can safely say no, try cutting back on saying yes.
Understand your bandwidth
Try to document your energy level and your calendar. How much did you have to do? Did saying yes to too many things mean your days were too busy?
Next time someone makes a request, assess your time and energy before taking on more tasks.