Emotion And Cognition

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

“… if people can change how they mentally represent a stimulus, they can exert self-control and escape from being victims of the hot stimuli that have come to control their behavior."

Walter Mischel 

“Reappraisal, by contrast, has no detectable adverse consequences for social affiliation in a laboratory context. Correlational studies support these findings: Individuals who typically use reappraisal are more likely to share their emotions— both positive and negative— and report having close...

Suppressing feelings works but it makes them stronger. When you suppress, your ability to experience positive feelings decreases while your stress soars as the amygdala (a part of the brain associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

“Our emotional responses ultimately flow out of our appraisals of the world, and if we can shift those appraisals, we shift our emotional responses.”

Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long

Suppressing your feelings uses our limited supply of willpower, meaning you’re more likely to do things you regret after you’re angry.

Meanwhile, neither sadness nor neutral arousal results in destructive risk-taking.

“Correlational studies support these laboratory findings. Individuals who typically use suppression report avoiding close relationships and having less positive relations with others; this dovetails with peers’ reports that suppressors have relationships with others that are less emotionally c...

1. Suppress rarely. You’ll feel worse inside and hurt the relationship.
2. Don’t vent. It increases anger. Distract yourself, instead.
3. Reappraisal is often the best option. Think: “It’s not about me. The...

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

But that said, telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usual...

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

Telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go. 

Scientific evidence suggests that when someone goes off on you, simply thinking: “It’s not about me. They must be having a bad day,” can soothe anger. 

Shifting your beliefs about a situation makes your brain calm down the amygdala,...

“…focusing on a negative emotion will likely intensify the experience of that emotion further and thus make down-regulation more difficult, leading to lower adjustment and well-being.”

Handbook of Emotion Regulation

When you get angry and you think “people are out to get you” you are reappraising, too. You’re telling yourself a story that’s even worse than reality. And your anger soars. So don’t do that.