“When you have to talk with someone different from you, that can be the most enlightening and interesting experience.”

“We want to be liked, or at least accepted by other people, In order to not break these norms, we sometimes act like we’re treading on eggshells.”

Can you make yourself more likable? Absolutely, experts say.

Ask questions. Is the person wearing an article of clothing that’s noteworthy? Why did they decide to come to whatever event you’re both at?

2. Be curious

Even if it’s uncomfortable, be brave and just do it, Sandstrom says. The person is probably going to like you more than you think and you’re both probably going to enjoy it more than you think.

1. Be brave, worry less

“We tend to overestimate how different people are from one another and how different they are from us, in reality, you probably have lots in common, but you just don’t know what that is yet.”

Start with a statement: “This painting really confuses me” or “I can’t believe how crowded the train is today.” Statements are invitations to share curiosities, Nightingall says.And whether you’re asking a question, replying, or making a statement, be authentic, she adds. “People want to get the real you so they can express the real them.”

3. Don’t be afraid to go off-script

﻿“Both extroverts and introverts are social beings. ”

People want to get the real you so they can express the real them.

We’re social beings. Even uncomfortable conversations are good for our wellbeing.

The more you have, the more likely that you’re going to have good conversations, Sandstrom says. You get better at asking better questions, and answering with more interesting responses. “There’s some skill, but its as much confidence that come from just doing it more often,” she says.

6. Have more conversations with people you don’t know

We fear social rejection — that the person won’t respond positively or will ignore us, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-28833-001">Research </a>shows the opposite, however, that people nearly always are willing to engage in a conversation when prompted by someone else. (Our fear assumptions fail to take into account the social norms of politeness, Schroeder says.)

Sandstrom says in her experience, she would describe the stages of having a conversation with a stranger as follows: First, they look at you as if asking, “Do I know you?” Then there’s recognition they don’t know you. Then it’s, “Wait, are you a weirdo?” Then they get past all of that and realize you’re just being friendly.“You have to be OK that it might be awkward for a bit,” Sandstrom says. “But if you keep going, hopefully you’ll get to that stage where you’re having a real conversation.”

7. Don’t let the awkward moments trip you up

It shifts the focus to the other person and should make them feel good, Sandstrom explains.When it comes to our anxieties about having conversations with people we don’t know, we tend to be in our heads a lot, overthinking what we’re doing wrong or what we could do wrong, she explains.Focusing the attention on the other person in those moments can help us get past those awkward spots, she says.

4. Give someone a compliment

At the very least, you’re in the same place and experiencing the same weather. But don’t be afraid to dig deeper and find more interesting commonalities: <ul><li>maybe you’re from the same place, </li><li>maybe you have a mutual friend, </li><li>maybe you have a shared hobby, or </li><li>maybe you work in similar roles.</li></ul>

5. Talk about something you both have in common

Psychologists say push past the awkward moments. Even if conversation feels uncomfortable, it’s probably doing you more good than you think.  

JULIANA SCHROEDER, PHD

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