Start with praise to engage with a narcisist

Acclaim in the begining, can be a powerful antidote to a narcissist’s insecurity. And most leaders are a bit narcisists. It doesn’t help to bury criticism between two compliments: Beginnings & ends are more likely to stick in our memories than middles, & narcissists are especially likely to ignore the criticism altogether.

In 1997, Jobs was discussing a new suite of technology at the company’s global developer conference. During QA one man harshly criticized Jobs: “It’s sad and clear that on several counts you’ve discussed, you don’t know what you’re talking about” (Ouch.)

Jobs showed humility: “I readily admit there are many things in life that I don’t have the faintest idea what I’m talking about. So I apologize for that….We’ll find the mistakes; we’ll fix them.” The crowd erupted into applause.

How did the critic elicit such a calm reaction? He kicked his comments off with a compliment: “Mr. Jobs, you’re a bright and influential man.”