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Start with praise to engage with a narcisist
Acclaim in the begining, can be a powerful antidote to a narcissist’s insecurity. And most leaders are a bit narcisists. It doesn’t help to bury criticism between two compliments: Beginnings & ends are more likely to stick in our memories than middles, & narcissists are especially likely to ignore the criticism altogether.
In 1997, Jobs was discussing a new suite of technology at the company’s global developer conference. During QA one man harshly criticized Jobs: “It’s sad and clear that on several counts you’ve discussed, you don’t know what you’re talking about” (Ouch.)
Jobs showed humility: “I readily admit there are many things in life that I don’t have the faintest idea what I’m talking about. So I apologize for that….We’ll find the mistakes; we’ll fix them.” The crowd erupted into applause.
How did the critic elicit such a calm reaction? He kicked his comments off with a compliment: “Mr. Jobs, you’re a bright and influential man.”
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Steve Jobs, the adaptable visionary
The legend of Steve Jobs is that he transformed our lives with the strength of his convictions. However he started oppoaing the greatest 🍏's innovations:F
- Foryears Jobs insisted he would never make a phone.
- When he built a phone, he banned outside apps
- Etc
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You gotta fight for your right to party
Leaders are mostly disagreeable, determined to crush the competition, and when you urge them to reevaluate their strategy, that’s what you become. You have to stand your ground. Studies have shown that successful projects are associated with the combativeness of the managers.
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Plant seeds to overcome stubbornness
Intractable people see consistency & certainty as virtues. Once made up, their minds seem to be set in stone.
Research shows that asking questions instead of giving answers can overcome people’s defensiveness. “
35
156 reads
Explaining complexity can overcome arogance
The first barrier to changing someone’s view is arrogance. If you call out their ignorance directly, they may get defensive. A better approach is to let them recognize the gaps in their own understanding.
Trying to explain something complex can be a humbling experience—even...
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