Each individual has different resources and experiences that play a role in how they are affected by different emotions. just as not all people feel joy the same way, not everyone fee;s pain in the same way.
there is not a hierachry of emotion that says that one person's feelings are better or worse, stronger or weaker that someone else's.
For example, if you are going through an emotionally painful loss, you might be tempted to compare what you are feeling to someone else who has gone through something that seems objectively worse.
It is important to remember that hurt is hurt. Comparing your pain to someone else who seems to be suffering more only serves to minimize what you are feeling.
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The next time you are tempted to compare feelings to someone else's, take a step back. Will it be helpful? Or are you using it as a way to dismiss your emotions? Instead of comparing:
Even if someone else's sitation is objectively "worse" than yours, it doesn't mean that you are not experiencing very real, very valid emotions.
You are allowed to feel upset when someone hurts you or disappointed when something doesn't work out the way that you wanted it to.
Yes, other people also have their own pain and disappointments to face, but those experiences don't diminish or eclipse yours.
Negative feelings can increase stress when they aren't dealt with properly. But even difficult emotions can be important sources of information. They can tell you that something needs to change and help motivate you to make positive changes in your life.
Comparisons often lead people to think that they can just deal with there problems on their own. Rather than reach out for help and support, people are often left feeling that their issues aren't serious enough to warrant attention.
A person who is experiencing symptoms of depression, for example, might not seek out help because they think that they don’t have any “reason” to feel depressed, especially when they compare their life and experiences to other people who seem to have it worse.
In such cases, comparisons can lead to avoiding your problems rather than finding ways to address them. Even if you feel like your problems "aren't that bad," you still deserve support and help.
The reality that some defree of comparisons iss inevitable. people are simply wired to notice what other people are experiencing adn then consider how it compares to their own sitation. And in some cases, it can actually have a positive effect, including:
minimizing your pain is not a part of gratitude. you can be grateful for the good things in your life and still feel dissapointed, sad, or upset
The focus of comparing your emotions is often to minimize ether what you are feeling or what they are feeling. some examples include:
But someone else's experiences do not negate your own. In such cases, comparing feelings is a way of minimizing your own experiences.
This is something that you might do to avoid feeling a negative emotion. Rather than face it, it is easier to dismiss it as being "not as bad as it could be."
When you are coping with something difficult in your life, it isn't uncommon for someone else to say " it could be worse."
Comparing your own pain and other emotions to others is common, but that does not mean that is always helpful
In other cases, comparisons can stifle growth, prevent self-compassion, and even make it more difficult to empathize with other people.
Some ways that comparing feelings might be harmful are listed below.
A social comparison happens when we are measuring ourselves by the success or the failures of others. We all use social comparisons to motivate ourselves.
Science suggests that while venting your emotions feel good in the moment, it might make matters worse in the long run.
Sharing our emotions reduces our stress and make us feel closer to others. When we open up, and people respond with sympathy, we feel understood and supported. But, expressing our emotions often to others may make us feel worse if we fail to gain some perspective and don't take steps to soothe ourselves.
Saying "I'm fine" is a form of avoidance. You may say you are fine to protect yourself from painful feelings.
Generally, codependents are uncomfortable with emotions and try to suppress them. After years of suppressing their feelings, they may be unaware of them. They say I'm fine because they don't recognise how they feel.
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