Why Comparing Feelings Isn't Helpful

The focus of comparing your emotions is often to minimize ether what you are feeling or what they are feeling. some examples include:

• You might think that you don't have the right to be upset about something because someone else is going through something worse.
• You might feel like you don't have the right to feel lonely because you have more friends and family than another person does.

But someone else's experiences do not negate your own. In such cases, comparing feelings is a way of minimizing your own experiences.

This is something that you might do to avoid feeling a negative emotion. Rather than face it, it is easier to dismiss it as being "not as bad as it could be."

Even if someone else's sitation is objectively "worse" than yours, it doesn't mean that you are not experiencing very real, very valid emotions. 

You are allowed to feel upset when someone hurts you or disappointed when something doesn't work out the way that you wanted it to.

Yes, other people also have their own pain and disappointments to face, but those experiences don't diminish or eclipse yours.

Negative feelings can increase stress when they aren't dealt with properly.  But even difficult emotions can be important sources of information. They can tell you that something needs to change and help motivate you to make positive changes in your life.

Comparisons often lead people to think that they can just deal with there problems on their own. Rather than reach out for help and support, people are often left feeling that their issues aren't serious enough to warrant attention.

A person who is experiencing symptoms of depression, for example, might not seek out help because they think that they don’t have any “reason” to feel depressed, especially when they compare their life and experiences to other people who seem to have it worse.

In such cases, comparisons can lead to avoiding your problems rather than finding ways to address them. Even if you feel like your problems "aren't that bad," you still deserve support and help.

The next time you are tempted to compare feelings to someone else's, take a step back. Will it be helpful? Or are you using it as a way to dismiss your emotions? Instead of comparing:

• Allow yourself to sit with your emotions without judgment.
• Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling and remind yourself that your emotions are valid.
• Lean on others but don't feel the need to minimize your struggles or compare your problems to theirs.
• Avoid judging other people’s emotions. Instead, focus on valuing the fact that they are willing to share what they are feeling with you.
• Listen to what people are saying. Acknowledge what they are feeling. Simply saying that you can see how hard it must be and that you are there to listen can be a crucial way of offering validation and support.

The reality that some defree of comparisons iss inevitable. people are simply wired to notice what other people are experiencing adn then consider how it compares to their own sitation. And in some cases, it can actually have a positive effect, including:

• Comparisons may help you feel gratitude for your own life.
• It may help you consider options and think about what you want.
• It can lead to observational learning where you gain knowledge without actually having to go through that experience yourself.
• It can help you see what you need to do in order to achieve what you want in life.
• It may help you feel more compassion for others, which can help compel you to volunteer to help.

minimizing your pain is not a part of gratitude. you can be grateful for the good things in your life and still feel dissapointed, sad, or upset