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"The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. The latter will help you discover the former."
"Great negotiators seek 'No' because they know that’s often when the real negotiation begins."
"Negotiation as you’ll learn it here is nothing more than communication with results. Getting what you want out of life is all about getting what you want from—and with—other people. Conflict between two parties is inevitable in all relationships. So it’s useful—crucial, even—to know how to engage in that conflict to get what you want without inflicting damage."
Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.
The passage of time is one of the most important tools for a negotiator. When you slow the process down, you also calm it down. After all, if someone is talking, they’re not shooting.
It happens when people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.
People place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points.
A “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting
It means getting the other person to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation.
In doing so, it uncovers problems before they happen. It’s really hard to repeatedly lie or fake conviction.
Instead of ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify or influence them.
Labeling is a technique used to acknowledge a counterpart’s emotion, leaving them feeling validated:
Knowing their negotiation style will help you to find the correct way to approach them.
People who are lying are more worried about being believed, so they work harder at being believable.
The researchers dubbed this the Pinocchio Effect because, just like Pinocchio’s nose, the number of words grew along with the lie.
Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs (it conveys true understanding of someone's reality).
Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right.” The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “the world according to . . .
Your most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice.
There are essentially 3 voice tones available to negotiators:
Tactical empathy means balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.
Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view.
"Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do."
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