You are in control of your emotions and thoughts. No matter how big the storms may come, you will be a solid, foundational rock that will never budge. Whatever may happen in the external world, your inner world will remain untouched and will remain strong.
MORE IDEAS FROM Stop Blaming Others And Take Responsibility
Rather than thinking about what the other person could have done better, It's better for us to think about how we could have done better to make the best of every situation. Let's try to think about how we could have done better to bring out the best in other people and about what we could improve upon so that fewer miscommunication and mishaps happen around us.
“When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings."
— Richard Carlson
When things go wrong in our lives, we have two ways of looking at the situation: look around to see who we can blame, or we can look within and see if we had a part to play in bringing about the misfortune.
By choosing the former, we relinquish responsibility and allow ourselves to become victims. Because, by choose this, we’re able to pat ourselves on the back and also gain support and sympathy from others for being subjected to undue, undeserving suffering.
Jocko Willinck’s idea of Extreme Ownership says in every situation, rather than choose to be a victim and blame others for your suffering, you decide to take responsibility for whatever happens to you.
Even you think that the odds were stacked against you, that you were objectively a victim and suffered unnecessary consequences, you must train yourself to think about what you could have done better to possibly prevent a specific incident from happening.
Naturally we have idea of justice. So, when we found injustice, we instinctively react emotionally. When we feel betrayed or wronged, we will view ourselves as victims and expect the other party to make things right again.
It's difficult for us to consciously move against this natural instinct. So, we must practice patience and develop emotional stability. We must be conscious of moments when we jump to blame others and replace that instinct with the deliberate thought to focus on the things we can control.
What's the benefit of adopt this mindset? It's empowering you. It tells you that you alone are responsible for your happiness, and you can always do something about it.
Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It’s a “drag-me-down” mind set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is not contingent on the actions and behaviors of others, which you can’t control.
— Richard Carlson
We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.
We can learn enough to recognize if someone is a "high-conflict person" and avoid them as much as possible.
A lot of self-care rhetoric has gotten mixed into the rise of “treat yo self” mentalities.
This is unsurprising, as capitalism likes us all best when we’re spending money. Our economic system is supremely skilled at neutralizing threats by turning them into commodities.
It’s had a lot of success in doing the same thing to the feminist movement, and it’s absolutely running wild with “self-care.”
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