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Rule 79: Stop Blaming Others
When things go wrong in our lives, we have two ways of looking at the situation: look around to see who we can blame, or we can look within and see if we had a part to play in bringing about the misfortune.
By choosing the former, we relinquish responsibility and allow ourselves to become victims. Because, by choose this, we’re able to pat ourselves on the back and also gain support and sympathy from others for being subjected to undue, undeserving suffering.
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Choose to Take The Responsibility
Jocko Willinck’s idea of Extreme Ownership says in every situation, rather than choose to be a victim and blame others for your suffering, you decide to take responsibility for whatever happens to you.
Even you think that the odds were stacked against you, that you were objectively a victim and suffered unnecessary consequences, you must train yourself to think about what you could have done better to possibly prevent a specific incident from happening.
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Focus on Things We Can Control
Naturally we have idea of justice. So, when we found injustice, we instinctively react emotionally. When we feel betrayed or wronged, we will view ourselves as victims and expect the other party to make things right again.
It's difficult for us to consciously move against this natural instinct. So, we must practice patience and develop emotional stability. We must be conscious of moments when we jump to blame others and replace that instinct with the deliberate thought to focus on the things we can control.
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Better to Think About What We Can Done Better than Blaming Others
Rather than thinking about what the other person could have done better, It's better for us to think about how we could have done better to make the best of every situation. Let's try to think about how we could have done better to bring out the best in other people and about what we could improve upon so that fewer miscommunication and mishaps happen around us.
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Take Responsibility is Empowering
What's the benefit of adopt this mindset? It's empowering you. It tells you that you alone are responsible for your happiness, and you can always do something about it.
Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It’s a “drag-me-down” mind set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is not contingent on the actions and behaviors of others, which you can’t control.
— Richard Carlson
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You're The Pilot of Your Emotion and Thoughts
You are in control of your emotions and thoughts. No matter how big the storms may come, you will be a solid, foundational rock that will never budge. Whatever may happen in the external world, your inner world will remain untouched and will remain strong.
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“When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings."
— Richard Carlson
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IDEAS CURATED BY
Hafid Isna's ideas are part of this journey:
Learn more about personaldevelopment with this collection
Practicing empathy in relationships and communication
Understanding the importance of balance in personal and professional life
Defining your path in life
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