Our Expectations Are The Problem
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Before expecting something, we have to understand two psychological facts:
Example: We start driving and expect to reach by 15 minutes, but due to construction work on the road, we get late and feel resentful.
Psychologist Jean Piaget found that young children have expectations and believe that their thoughts have direct effects on the things around them, something referred to as Magical Thinking.
According to the psychologist, we outgrow this tendency by age 7, but it is clear that many adults keep believing that their thoughts affect their surroundings, as evident by the popularity of the Law Of Attraction books.
We cannot even understand ourselves, so it is futile to think that we can fully understand other people.
Expectations sound logical when things are in our own hands, but expecting others to behave in a certain way will not automatically make it so. And when our expectations are not lived up to by others, we feel shocked and resentful.
These resentments become premeditated, as we set them up ourselves, albeit unconsciously. Example: Ordering medium-rare steak at a restaurant, but ending up being served a well done one.
Just merely using magic thinking and expecting something is not going to get us anything, setting us up for eventual disappointment. If we want something to happen, we have to take the necessary steps to facilitate the same.
Example: Simply wishing for a cup of coffee will not make it come to us. We have to get up from the bed and actually make it in the kitchen.
Whether you want to be happy or improve your performance at work, it would be useful to improve how you manage expectations to create the right dopamine levels.
We often fantasize about the day when things will finally go our way. We have highly positive expectations of the future, but once what we expected did not match our reality we feel hurt and lost.
Expectations frustrate us when we idealize a certain future but our actions and our behavior is not in accordance to what we were expecting for. Oftentimes our behavior falls short of our standards.
To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.
Our brains are also wired to fall in love. Dopamine provides a natural high and ecstatic feeling that can be as addictive as cocaine.
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