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10 Ways to Start and Hold Dazzling Conversation With Anyone
Step #3: Bookmarking
Use the ‘Bookmarking’ technique to create a deeper connection by adding verbal markers or emphasis to parts of the conversation:
- Future Mentions: saying something that will require follow up on later.
- Inside Jokes: making jokes that refer to something interesting or funny you and the listener was involved in.
- Same Same: exclaiming how crazy it is you have something in common and talking about it.
- You Have to See: saying that you will share something they are interested in with them later.
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Step #5: Exits
Use bookmarks to end well. Examples:
- Future Mentions: “Well, I can’t wait to see you at that ___ coming up—I’ll email you!”
- Inside Jokes: “It was great laughing with you. I’ll be sure to ___ in the future ;)”
- Same Same: “I’m so glad I met a fellow ___ fan. You made my night!”
- You Have to See: “I’ll be sure to send that link your way, great talking to you!”
Step #4: Evaluate Your Conversational Performance
After an event ask yourself what went well, what did you learn and who should you follow-up with so you can keep learning and honing your ability.
This can help you identify patterns and remember to follow up on bookmarks, LinkedIn connections and promises.
Better At Conversations
- Research has found that “Hello, how are you?” is the most effective conversation starter, but you can use context, like impressions or the location, in its place.
- Bring up topics, look for ideas and ask questions that spark energy or get the person excited.
- The eyebrow raise is what we do when we hear or see something interesting. It clues you in to a topic that they might like discussing.
- Stories are great to hold attention, instigate emotion and are more easily remembered. Keep in mind your favorite ones, the ones that can backup claims and how you can answer with anecdotes.
- When we share something, we often want someone else to share something. Give back as much as you get.
- Don’t be a conversational narcissist. Ensure you do equal parts talking and listening.
- Don’t try to constantly outdo others or their stories. Let people enjoy their moment and celebrate with them, don’t one-up them.
Step #2: Approach
We make our first impression in the first 7 seconds of seeing someone, sometimes even before we interact. You can signal friendliness by:
- Keeping your hands visible
- Rolling your shoulders down and back so they are nice and relaxed
- Smiling when you see someone you recognize or you want to talk to
Step #1: Intention
Purpose provides confidence, boosts influence and is contagious. To be more purposeful in your conversations answer the following:
- Who is hosting the event?
- What kinds of people are going?
- When is it and what’s the schedule?
- Why are you going?
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If you're in the midst of a heat wave, cold snap, or torrential downpour, remarking on the unusual weather is often a good way to start a conversation.
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The Most Awkward Conversational Pratfalls
- Approaching for the first time someone you don’t know: focus on them, ask about them and approach humbly.
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"People don’t judge you so much for who you are as they judge you for how you communicate yourself.&quo..."
Scott H Young
Be Funny and Interesting
- Humor: It takes a lot of practice until you can figure out the natural timing and flow of a joke. Practice makes perfect.
- Interest comes from having an interesting life. You can be interesting by telling stories or by simply being quick to bring up an interesting fact.
Interest is similar to humor whenever people discover something they didn’t expect.
Tell Great Stories
- You need to have an interesting point to make it worthwhile.
- Your most interesting point should be the last thing you say in your story.
- Keep it short.
- Keep it personal. People prefer stories about people they know.
- The more you tell a story the better you get the natural timing and emphasis.
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