Our past doesn't define us - we have the power to shape our future based on our experiences. We create our own destiny by interpreting our experiences in a way that serves our purpose.You can change any time. You just choose not to.Key Concepts:<ul><li>Self-determination🚀</li><li>Interpreting experiences✅</li><li>Not bound by the past❌</li></ul>

Trauma Doesn't Determine Your Present Or Future

We often employ anger to dominate others with a strong voice and assert our opinions. In this way, anger becomes just a method to achieve our objectives. Those with short tempers often overlook that there are more effective communication tools available that don't rely on anger. They choose to use anger as a tool in order to achieve the objective of making the other person submit to them.

You Fabricate Your Anger To Achieve Your Goals

If someone insults you, think about their hidden agenda. When you get angry because of someone's words or actions, they are challenging you to a power struggle.Do not engage in a power struggle. The belief that "I'm right" leads to thinking that the other person is wrong, and it becomes a competition to win. ❌Admitting mistakes, apologizing, and stepping away from power struggles are not signs of defeat.🤝✅

Don't Engage In Power Struggle

Loneliness doesn't stem from being alone; it arises when you're surrounded by people, society, and community, yet feel deeply disconnected from them. All problems, at their core, are interpersonal relationship problems. It's in these social contexts that a person truly becomes an 'individual,' and without meaningful connections, the sense of isolation intensifies.

All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

The feeling of not being good enough can sometimes motivate us to work harder and grow, it's called feeling of inferiority. But, when this feeling is used as an excuse, it becomes an inferiority complex. It is important to understand the difference between the two.🔹 Inferiority complex: using feelings of inadequacy as an excuse for not trying.🔹 Superiority complex: thinking one is special due to perceived misfortunes and struggles.🔹 Both concepts are closely related despite seeming like opposites. People with superiority complex claim to be unique because of their hardships.

Inferiority and Superiority Complex

In Adlerian Psychology: Tasks are separated by determining "Whose task is this?" All relationship issues arise from either intruding on someone else's task or having our own tasks intruded upon. By differentiating tasks, we can greatly enhance our interpersonal relationships.🌸To improve relationships:<ul><li>Identify your own tasks</li><li>Recognize tasks belonging to others</li><li>Set boundaries for tasks that are not yours</li><li>Let go of tasks that do not belong to you</li></ul>

Separation of Tasks

Trust and confidence are not the same.When we trust someone completely, we may end up being taken advantage of since we have no conditions. But it is not our responsibility to decide if someone will take advantage of us.Instead, we should focus on accepting ourselves for who we are and understanding our own abilities and limitations. This will help us realize that it is the other person's task to take advantage or not, and it will make it easier to truly have confidence in others.✨

Trust Vs Confidence

We can have two types of relationships:1. Vertical - where praise and condemnation create hierarchy and inequality. Eg. Saying "you did a great job" puts us in a superior position as we are judging the other person's ability and providing them external validation.2. Horizontal - based on mutual respect and equality. The emphasis is on encouragement through gratitude, respect and joy rather than praise. Eg. Thank you for helping me out (think about what you would say to your friend)Encourage and foster equal relationships for healthier connections.

Don't Condemn Or Praise

The desire for recognition is harmful. It is often influenced by our education that promotes rewards and punishments. As a result, it can lead to a misguided mindset where we only take action if praised, and do wrong things if not punished.Avoid seeking recognition and instead focus on genuine progress and personal growth. 🚫🏆

Deny The Desire For Recognition

Other people aren't here to meet your expectations. When they don't meet your expectations, don't take it personally. Remember - it's not always about you. Instead, focus on being a good comrade, not the focus of everyone's attention. 😊👫By thinking you're the centre of the world, you risk losing friends. Rather than expecting anything from others, ask yourself what you can do for them. Shift your mindset and focus on giving, not getting. 😌🙏

You Are Not the Centre of the World

To recognize our value, we must feel like we are helping someone else. Even if our contribution is invisible, as long as we believe that we are making a difference, we will find happiness and freedom. 
 Key Points:
<ul>
 <li>Feeling of contribution brings awareness of our worth</li>
 <li>Visibility of contribution doesn't matter</li>
 <li>Subjective sense of being of use can bring happiness and freedom</li>
</ul>

Contribution Is The Key To Freedom And Happiness

In Adlerian psychology, life is seen as a series of moments or "dots," where each moment is a new chance for choice and change, no matter your past. You have the freedom to live differently at any moment.
Key Concepts:
<ul>
 <li>Adlerian psychology - focuses on individual's subjective experience and the importance of an individual's beliefs and ideas</li>
 <li>Series of dots - life is not a linear progression but a series of moments, providing opportunities for change</li>
 <li>Freedom - the power to make choices and change despite past experiences</li>
</ul>
Keep moving forward and choose your own path. 🚶‍♂️

Life Is Not A Line, It's A Series Of Dots

In life, it's important to have the courage to be disliked.Here's why:<ul><li>Other people's opinions are outside our control.</li><li>Our happiness should not rely on being liked by everyone.</li><li>Instead, we should prioritize our own well-being.</li><li>Having the courage to be happy even if others dislike us can improve our interpersonal relationships.</li><li>This mindset can also bring positivity into our lives.</li></ul>So, let's embrace the courage to be disliked and focus on our own happiness. ☀️

The Courage to Be Disliked

All the key takeaways from "The Courage To Be Disliked". Follow for more book notes. . 📖✅

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

philosophy

Philosophy

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

mentalhealth

Mental Health

books

Books

Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University. He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Fumitake Koga has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Fumitake Koga's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Fumitake Koga

Not giving a F*ck doesn't mean not caring at all. It means paying attention to the important things and letting go of the irrelevant stuff.To not give a f*ck, means to choose wisely what you give your time and energy to. <ul><li>Don't sweat the small stuff</li><li>Care about what truly matters to you</li><li>Let go of things that are out of your control</li></ul>🙌 Focus your F*cks on what brings you joy and fulfillment.

What Does Not Giving A F*ck Mean?

Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what's truly f*ck worthy.

Choose Your Values Wisely- Focus on things that matter and improve well-being- Give thought to where you give your attention and energy- Develop values for long-term fulfillment, not just superficial success- Let your values dictate your priorities and guide your actions Remember that giving better f*cks leads to better problems and a better life.

Value-Driven Life

Embrace uncertainty and growth. Being certain can limit your potential. Accepting uncertainty is the key to progress and growing.🎯 Nothing is certain. Trying to be certain leads to insecurity.🌱 The unknown can be uncomfortable, but it allows for growth.💡 Embracing uncertainty is the foundation for progress and growth.

Uncertainty Leads To Growth

⭐️Pain often makes us stronger: it makes us more resilient and grounded. ❤️Neglecting pain only limits us from reaching our full potential. 💪Physical pain helps us build stronger bones and muscles, while emotional pain helps us develop resilience, self-awareness, compassion, and a happier life. 🔑 Don't avoid pain, embrace it and use it to make yourself stronger.

Pain Makes Us Stronger

The desire for more positive is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience.

Why it Matters:✅<ul><li>Fault lies in the past, but responsibility lies in the present.</li><li>Taking responsibility leads to personal growth and learning.</li><li>Blaming others only harms oneself in the long run.</li></ul>How to Take Responsibility: 🌟<ol><li>Accept and acknowledge the role you played in the situation.</li><li>Take proactive steps to make things right.</li><li>Understand that you have the power to make positive change.</li></ol>

Taking Responsibility is Key to Success

Pleasure is not the key to happiness. It is temporary and can disappear quickly. It should not be our main focus in life. We must remember that obtaining material success is not the most important factor in a fulfilling life.• Pleasure is temporary and fleeting• Material success is not everything• Happiness is found in values such as honesty and compassion✅

Pleasure Is A False God

As kids, we don't let failure stop us. But as we get older, we fear it more and more. We need to shift our mindset and understand the value of failure.• Failure teaches us valuable lessons• It leads to growth and development• We can only truly succeed if we're willing to failSo don't be afraid to fail, embrace it as part of the journey towards success. 💪

Embrace Failure and Learn to Succeed

🚀Most people believe that motivation comes before action, but the reality is that action is what creates motivation. If you're struggling to find motivation, take the first step and do something, no matter how small. Use that action to ignite your motivation.🔥<ul><li>Motivation is not magical, it comes from doing</li><li>Small actions can generate big results</li><li>Don't wait for motivation, create it with action</li></ul>

Action Drives Motivation

Living an Authentic LifeIt is important to remember that life is finite. This can inspire you to live in an authentic way and leave behind a meaningful legacy. Reflecting on mortality can be a powerful motivator.

Death And Legacy

You are going to die, and that's because you were fortunate enough to have lived.

All the key takeaways from the book in one place! Follow for more book notes!📒

#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 10 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries. He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net

Mark Manson

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Making small changes consistently over a long period of time can lead to significant results. 🌟 
 Aim to improve by just 1% every day, rather than focusing on one big moment. This may seem small, but over a year, it adds up to 37 times better. 🚀 
 Small changes compound into remarkable results when done consistently. 🔥 
 Don't underestimate the power of daily improvements that may seem small. 💪 
 1% better each day for a year leads to 37 times better, while 1% worse each day for a year causes a drastic decline. 👎

Start Small - Tiny Changes for Big Results

🔥 Small Steps = Big Changes 🚀Just like how boiling water results from small bubbles joining together, your small daily actions build up and lead to a major breakthrough. It may seem like nothing is happening, but keep going - the results will come.🧊 Remember, even at 31 degrees, an ice cube won't melt. But at 32 degrees, it melts instantly. Your hard work may not be visible yet, but it's building up just like that one degree higher. 💡 Pro tip: Stay consistent and don't give up, even if the results aren't immediate. Your breakthrough moment is just around the corner.

Breakthrough Moments

Winners and losers both have the same goals, but the most successful people focus on systems instead.🎯 Instead of just setting goals, focus on creating and implementing effective systems.👉 Problems may be solved temporarily by addressing symptoms, but true improvement comes from addressing the underlying systems.🚫 Don't wait to be happy until you reach your goals - focus on creating effective systems and happiness will follow 🚀

Systems Not Goals

Did you know that your habits are shaped by your identity? 🤯 You might start a habit because of motivation, but only your pride can make it stick. Why? Because good habits can make rational sense, but if they conflict with your identity, you will fail to act on them.

<ul>
<li>Become the best version of yourself 💪</li>
<li>Edit your beliefs and upgrade your identity 📈</li>
<li>Repeat behaviors to reinforce your identity 🔄</li>
<li>Use habits to prove to yourself who you are 👊</li>
</ul>

Identity Affects Your Habits

1st Law (Cue): Make it Obvious
2nd Law (Craving): Make it Attractive
3rd Law (Response): Make it Easy
4th Law (Reward): Make it Satisfying
Eliminate the Cue and Your Habit will Never Start.
Reduce the Craving and You Won't Experience Enough Motivation to Act.
Make the Behavior Difficult and You Won't Be Able to Do It.

The Four Laws Of Habit Formation

Want to create a new habit? Here's how to make it stick: 
<ul> 
<li>Be specific: decide exactly what you want to do and when to do it</li>
<li>Start fresh: choose first day of week/month/year to boost motivation 🎉 </li>
<li>Create a mental anchor: when X happens, I'll do Y 💪</li>
<li>Make it obvious: remind yourself of the habit by placing visual cues in your environment 🏋️ </li>
<li>Stay hopeful: with hope comes motivation to take action 🤞</li>
</ul>

Implementation Intention: Making Habits Stick

Habit stacking is when you pair a new habit with one you already have. 🤝 The formula is: 🧠 After [current habit], I will [new habit]. 💪Here's an example: After I brush my teeth, I will do 10 push-ups. 🦷💪 Habit stacking works best when the cue is specific and doable right away. 🙌

Habit Stacking

If you want to drink more water, fill up a few water bottles each morning and place them in common locations around the house.🍶
Be the designer of your world, not merely the consumer of it. Our behavior is not defined by the objects in the environment, but by our relationship to them.📝
Habits can be easier to change in a new environment. It helps to escape the subtle triggers and cues that nudge you towards your current habits.✅
When you can't manage to get to an entirely new environment, redefine or rearrange your current one. Create a separate space for work, study, exercise, etc.👍

Design Your Environment for Success

In the short run, you can choose to overpower temptation. In the long run, we become a product of the environment that we live in.

Joining a community where your desired behavior is the norm is key to creating lasting habits. Seeing others do it daily makes a new habit seem achievable. When change means fitting in with the tribe, it's more attractive.<ul><li>To build better habits, join a culture where your desired behavior is the norm</li><li>Seeing others doing the desired behavior makes it seem achievable</li><li>Make change more attractive by joining a tribe where you share a common interest🤝</li></ul>

Fitting In - The Power of Community for Building Better Habits

The Law of Least Effort states that people will naturally choose the option that requires the least amount of work. To form good habits, make them easy to do in your environment. Make bad habits hard to do by eliminating triggers and cues for them. Practice environment design to decrease the friction associated with your habits.
Remember: Making good habits easy and bad habits difficult can help you achieve your goals with less effort. 👍🚀

Make It Easy

What is rewarded is repeated. What is punished is avoided. But there is a trick. We are not looking for just any type of satisfaction. We are looking for immediate satisfaction.<ol><li>The road less traveled is the road of delayed gratification.🛣️</li><li>If you're willing to wait for the rewards, you'll face less competition and often get a bigger payoff.✅</li><li>The best way to do this is to add a little bit of immediate pleasure to the habits that pay off in the long run.🤩</li><li>Add a little bit of immediate pain to the ones that don't.😖</li></ol>

Make It Satisfying

Habit tracking is a powerful way to improve yourself and stay motivated with simple tasks that add up over time.It's easy to lose sight of our goals, but with habit tracking, we can focus on the daily progress and enjoy instant gratification along the way. Here are some essential tips:<ul><li>🧐 Keep track of small wins every day</li><li>🏆 Stay committed to the process</li><li>🚀 Avoid missing two days in a row</li></ul>By using habit tracking, you are actively shaping yourself into the person you want to be, one small habit at a time.

Habit Tracking - A Tool for Personal Growth

The secret to achieving lasting results is to continuously work on improving yourself. Even small adjustments can lead to significant progress over time.🚀To create good habits, make them easy to remember, attractive, and achievable. And to maintain those habits, make them satisfying and rewarding. This will help you stick to your goals and achieve long-lasting results.🎉

Secret to Lasting Results

Habits are the compound interest of self improvement.

All the key takeaways from the book Atomic Habits! If you find it valuable, please leave a like!😊

The #1 New York Times bestseller. Over 10 million copies sold! Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results No matter your goals, Atomic Habits offers a proven framework for improving--every day. James Clear, one of the world's leading experts on habit formation, reveals practical strategies that will teach you exactly how to form good habits, break bad ones, and master the tiny behaviors that lead to remarkable results. If you're having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn't you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don't want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Here, you'll get a proven system that can take you to new heights. Clear is known for his ability to distill complex topics into simple behaviors that can be easily applied to daily life and work. Here, he draws on the most proven ideas from biology, psychology, and neuroscience to create an easy-to-understand guide for making good habits inevitable and bad habits impossible. Along the way, readers will be inspired and entertained with true stories from Olympic gold medalists, award-winning artists, business leaders, life-saving physicians, and star comedians who have used the science of small habits to master their craft and vault to the top of their field. Learn how to: <ul><li>make time for new habits (even when life gets crazy);</li></ul><ul><li>overcome a lack of motivation and willpower;</li></ul><ul><li>design your environment to make success easier;</li></ul><ul><li>get back on track when you fall off course;</li></ul>...and much more. Atomic Habits will reshape the way you think about progress and success, and give you the tools and strategies you need to transform your habits--whether you are a team looking to win a championship, an organization hoping to redefine an industry, or simply an individual who wishes to quit smoking, lose weight, reduce stress, or achieve any other goal.

productivity

Productivity

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

habits

Habits

problemsolving

Problem Solving

James Clear is the author of "Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones" He writes about habits, decision-making, and continuous improvement at jamesclear.com. His website receives millions of visitors each month and hundreds of thousands subscribe to his popular email newsletter.His work has appeared in the New York Times, Entrepreneur, Time, and on CBS This Morning. He is a regular speaker at Fortune 500 companies and his work is used by teams in the NFL, NBA, and MLB. Learn more at jamesclear.com

James Clear

Atomic Habits

📺 Watching endless content leads to wasted time and missed opportunities. Here's how to break the cycle and take back your productivity:
<ol>
 <li>🔔 Subscribe only to your favorite content</li>
 <li>🙊 Turn on silent notifications </li>
 <li>🚫 Avoid algorithm-generated content on the Home Page </li>
 <li>⏰ Schedule browsing time and limit it </li>
 <li>🌳 Ditch your TV for more active hobbies </li>
</ol>
💡 Be intentional with your media consumption and regain control of your time and energy. 👀

Limit Passive Content Consumption

Your attention is valuable and can run out quickly. It's important to take breaks that don't require your full attention. Next time you need a break, try one of these activities:<ol><li>Look out of the window 🌳</li><li>Drink some tea ☕</li><li>Stretch your body 🧘‍♂️</li><li>Take a walk outside 🚶‍♀️</li><li>Clean your room 🧹</li><li>Practice meditation 🧘‍♀️</li><li>Talk to a friend 🫶</li></ol>

Your Attention Currency

Don't aim for perfection, just start. Instead of studying everything in theory, focus on the 20% that gives 80% of the results.🎯Divide your work into smaller parts and challenge yourself with tasks that are manageable yet challenging.<ul><li>If it feels too easy, make it more challenging.</li><li>If it feels too difficult, make it easier.</li></ul>Starting is the most important step, don't let the fear of not being good enough stop you.Remember, perfect is the enemy of good.

Tips for Getting Started

Being bored may feel unappealing, but it's actually beneficial! It helps you pay attention, be aware, and remember better. Plus, it's a break from all the clutter in your mind. So don't be afraid to relax and let yourself get bored. 🧘🏼‍♂️Next time you're bored, embrace it. It's the perfect time to be present and recharge. Use your attention wisely and let it wander. You'll be amazed at what you discover. 🌳

Learn to Be Bored

- Don't go through life on autopilot.- Be aware of your daily habits.- Notice when you pick up your phone instinctively.- Create a big widget on your home screen for your top 4 tasks of the day.👀 Be mindful and intentional in your actions 🌟

Live Intentionally

Sucking at something is the first step to being good at it.

Lessons I learned from a 'Time Management' course.

timemanagement

Time Management

Beat Procrastination With Practical Tips

Even the most confident people are just as scared as you are, but they don't let it hold them back. Courage is facing your fears head-on.Here's how to be brave and form connections:<ul><li>Don't let fear stop you</li><li>Show interest and engage in conversation</li><li>Take the first step and approach people</li><li>Be willing to face rejection</li><li>Remember that we all have fears.</li></ul> With courage, you can build meaningful relationships and overcome any obstacle. 💪

The Power of Courage

Confidence is the belief that you have value. It's the belief that if someone rejects you, it doesn't mean you are a pathetic loser and don't deserve to be with anyone. It just means that the person has different tastes than you do.Don't wait for something to happen to "prove" that you have worth, such as "If I make more money, I'll be confident" or "If I lose weight, I'll be confident."You have to take a leap of faith. You have to start believing you have worth and value right now, even if you don't see it. Act like it's there, even if you think it's not.

Confidence

Kindness means treating others well even if you don't particularly like them or don't want anything from them, as long as they treat you well in return. It's not the same as being "nice," which is often just a shallow attempt to avoid conflict or please others. True kindness begins with being kind to yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and making choices based on what is right, rather than seeking validation or rewards. It's not always easy, but being truly kind is a powerful tool.

Kindness

Be direct. If you want to know if someone fancies you, ask. If you're unsure of what they mean, ask. Don't waste time trying to decipher vague signs and hints. While others are finding love, you're stuck overthinking. 🚀Talk to your crush and ask them out. You'll save yourself a lot of time and confusion. Instead of wondering why others have luck in love, be direct and make your own luck. 💘

Direct Communication

Integrity constitutes:<ul><li>Honesty - saying what you mean, not misleading or manipulating others.</li><li>Trustworthiness - meaning what you say, even if you feel hurt or the other person does something you don't like.</li><li>Not taking advantage of others - this goes back to kindness.</li><li>Consistency - other people see that you're reliable and can be trusted to keep your word.</li></ul>

Integrity

Hurting is inevitable. At some point, your heart will break. How you handle it reveals your true character.
🚫Do you build walls or lash out in pain? This only causes more pain. 
👍Accept pain as a part of life. Believe you can get through it. Come out stronger. 
💪You survived it! You can be hurt and still know you'll be okay. No need to fear it anymore.💫

Resiliency

This means being open with who you are and what you want. It relates back to direct communication, but it also means not trying to hide things for fear of scaring off a potential partner.
Key concept: Being true to yourself.
Don't be afraid to show your true self to others. Someone who is scared off by a part of you isn't the right match for you.

Transparency

Treat people as individuals. Women are people. Men are people. Non-binary people are people.If you are trying to figure out what "men want" or what "women want", then you are thinking of them as a vague lump and not as individuals. Treating people as individuals will take you 60% of the way towards finding love in abundance.

Respect

The best way to protect your heart is to be vulnerable, and not build high walls or fortresses around yourself.If you build a fortress around your heart, respectful people will respect your boundaries and stay away. The only people who will get close to you are those who don't respect boundaries and bulldoze through your walls. You will get hurt and will build even bigger walls, and only a full-blown psychopath will be able to get in.Expect kindness and have healthy boundaries. If someone treats you poorly, don't assume that others will do the same. 🫶

Vulnerability

Be yourself. Be who you are. Don't think "well, girls only like this and that" or "guys want blah blah blah" and then try to conform to that. If it works, you have just shot yourself in the foot. Because guess what? You've just attracted a partner who is looking for something you're not. Good luck making that relationship work!There are people out there who share your weirdness. You'll find them by being openly, unabashedly, and proudly who you are. ✅

Authenticity

Other people do not exist for the purpose of giving you what you need. They have their own needs and desires.It's okay to say "Honey, I feel uncomfortable when you have male friends because it makes me worried that you might replace me. Can you talk to me and tell me what you like and value about me so I can work through this insecurity?" ✅It's not okay to say "Honey, I feel uncomfortable when you have male friends, so I don't want you to talk to other men." 🚫It is really NOT OK to say "Honey, give me your phone so I can check and make sure you're not talking to other men." ❌

Respect for Autonomy

How you think shapes the world you live in. What you believe influences how you behave. 🌎When you have a scarcity mindset that says love is hard to find, you act in ways that make you look desperate. But when you have an abundance mindset, opportunities for love are all around. 🚪👉 This belief can make it easier to be confident, open, and authentic. When opportunities for love are abundant, there's no need to act desperate or force things. 💕

Abundance Thinking

While it may be true that love isn't an algorithm, there are a lot of things you can do to optimise your odds of finding it. Here are a few things people who find love easily have that others don't :

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

humanresources

Human Resources

Increase The Odds Of Finding True Love

Make your work the top priority. 👩‍💻Don't spend time with loved ones. Instead, focus on working hard and making progress towards your goals.<ul><li>Why? Time is precious, don't waste it on things that don't contribute to your success.⌛</li><li>Relationships can be distracting and hinder your productivity. 💔</li></ul>

Always Prioritize Work Over Everything Else

Becoming your best self means meeting the expectations of those around you, regardless of your own desires. Choose to prioritize others' expectations over your own. 📃<ul><li>Always consider the impact of your actions on others before following your own desires ✅</li></ul>

Follow What Others Expect Of You

In life, it's best to hold your emotions in check and suppress them. Why? Because they can be a waste of precious time. ⏳Emotions are unpredictable and irrational, they can cloud your judgement and lead to regretful decisions. Therefore, just suppress your feelings. 🙊

Always Suppress Your Feelings

Do you have to plan everything? Your friends should understand that you're busy with work. Why contact them when they know you can't? Let your friendships fade and engage in work instead. 🫶🚫

Let Your Friendships Fade

Don't try new things ever.<ul><li>Stick to what you already know.</li><li>Learning new skills takes time and energy.</li><li>Trying new experiences is not always worth it.</li></ul>It's better to stay in your comfort zone. You'll feel safe and secure. 💆

Stick To Your Comfort Zone

Keep working at the expense of your health. Don't waste time on fitness. Don't waste time on preparing healthy and nutritious food, indulge in fast food instead. 🏥

Never Take Care Of Your Health

Don't think about long-term goals, who knows what the future holds? You only have one life! 🎉<ul><li>Don't worry about tomorrow</li><li>Live in the moment</li><li>Enjoy every day at the expense of the future</li><li>Forget about long-term consequences🍻</li></ul>

Prioritise Instant Gratification

Why should you forgive others? Why should you apologize? ❌Hold grudges, never forget, and never forgive. 🚫

Never Apologize, Never Forgive

Happiness is not the most important thing! 🚫 Focus on completing tasks and achieving goals. 🎯 It's all about reaching that goal, not the journey! 🙌 Once you get there, you might find happiness. 😊Key takeaways:<ul><li>You should prioritize work over happiness.</li><li>Achieving goals is more important than enjoying the journey.</li></ul>

🚨 Don't Let Yourself Be Happy 🚨

Have no intentions, just set random goals and achieve them. Don't think about how you want your life to be in the future, just focus on the present. 🚀

Avoid Having Any Intention While Designing Your Life

These 10 steps will guarantee you regret your life🫠 (yes, reverse psychology is intended).

Join Sunday Snippets, my weekly email where I share what I’m reading & learning: https://go.aliabdaal.com/regretvid/yt

I hope you don't regret watching this vid 😜

📕 Check out my New York Times bestselling book Feel-Good Productivity: https://go.feelgoodproductivity.com/regretvid/yt

🧠 Want to double your productivity? Join Productivity Lab, my online community of ambitious entrepreneurs, creators and professionals: https://go.aliabdaal.com/regretvid/PL/YT

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🍿 WATCH NEXT
My honest advice to someone who feels behind in life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_VPkTYmI_g
How to Stop Wasting Your Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgBF3N3MhYw
How to Make 2024 the Best Year of Your Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_DOG_mXz5w
Slow Down - How to Achieve More by Working Less: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAs9QasnXgA

By the way, you can watch this video in a few other languages by changing the audio settings xx

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🎬 My Vlog Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@AliAbdaalVlog 
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WHO AM I?
If we haven’t met before - Hey 👋 I’m Ali, a doctor-turned-entrepreneur and I’ve somehow become the world’s most followed productivity expert. Through my videos here on this channel, my podcast and my writing, I share evidence-based strategies and tools to help you be more productive and build a life you love.

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📚 Check out my first book Feel-Good Productivity here: https://www.feelgoodproductivity.com/

Hey, I'm Ali, a doctor turned entrepreneur, and the world’s most followed productivity expert 😜 

On this channel, we explore evidence-based strategies and tools that can help us be more productive, and build a life that we love. 

If that sounds interesting, consider subscribing! See you in the next video x

Ali Abdaal

How to guarantee you regret your life

How to GUARANTEE you regret your life

I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Regret No. 1

I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Regret 2

I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

Regret No. 3

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.﻿

Regret No. 4

I wish I had let myself be happier.

Regret No. 5

Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for years. Her patients were those who had gone home to die. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

Top 5 Regrets That A Dying Person Has

Level 1: Ad﻿miration 🤩This level is just a mind trick and should not be given too much importance.Level 2: Mutual Attraction ❤️ It feels good, but just because there is mutual attraction does not mean our intentions will align.Level 3: Commitment 🔐 Commitment can be compared to two people discovering a plot of land together that seems to have potential. If one does not say yes, they lose all value attributed to them.Level 4: Compatibility 👫Who is great at managing our freakouts? Whose freakouts are we great at managing? Can even our differences be a source of pleasure?

4 Levels Of Importance

Not sure why people are distant? Don't blame yourself. Honesty is hard and sometimes overwhelming.
Noticed someone distancing themselves? Maybe they're feeling too much pressure too soon.
Possible Reasons for Coldness:
<ol>
 <li>Fear of vulnerability</li>
 <li>Feeling rushed or pressured</li>
 <li>Need for independence</li>
</ol>
Understanding these reasons can help you communicate better and strengthen relationships. 😊
Example: Imagine someone with no experience being asked to be the CEO starting tomorrow. 😬

Why Do People Go Cold? What Changes?

How to raise your standards, find your person and live happily (no matter what)

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLERUSA TODAY BESTSELLERINTERNATIONAL BESTSELLERAn essential set of tools and principles for healing your heart, finding love, and loving life.Finding love can be hard. Being single can feel even harder. In Love Life, world-renowned coach and New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey provides a practical roadmap for letting go of past relationships, overcoming the fear of getting left behind, and finding the love we want.Sometimes it feels like life and love are working against us. Just finding someone we like can be a struggle. Even when we do, we often find they’re not ready, or they want different things. Then there are the internal fears and anxieties that lead us to self-sabotage—that make us indulge the wrong behavior in others, hold back from expressing our needs for fear of losing someone, or overinvest in people and lose ourselves in the process. Love Life sheds light on these common patterns and how to overcome them, by showing us how to adopt new standards, elegantly communicate them, and develop the deepest levels of confidence that underpin them. Like many of us, Hussey has gone through major life changes over the past decade, and he opens up about his experiences, vulnerabilities, and mistakes.Love Life is about doing love better. More than a book about romantic relationships, Love Life shows us how to take control of each of the major relationships in our lives: our relationship with others, our relationship with ourselves, and our relationship with life itself.Our love lives have the power to elevate or eradicate the adjacent joy in our lives. Love Life sets you on the path to finding the love of your life, while deepening your love for life.

The Courage to Be Disliked

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Atomic Habits

Beat Procrastination With Practical Tips

Increase The Odds Of Finding True Love

Book Panda Notes