Whenever you have something that you want, you have to be patient. In weight loss, you must be patient until the results show up. In a job search, you must be patient until something happens. Looking for love, house hunting, or promotion all generate the necessity of patience.

Patient experiences

A goal creates desire. The waiting period to get to that goal creates restlessness. Patience is all about managing your restlessness. Your patience will be tested like an elastic. The more stretched the elastic, the more likely you are to act unnaturally. For example, your performance level at work will drop if you don't get a promotion after an expected period. A lack of patience can force you to lower your demands. But, the reality is often different.

The goal often forces you to cut corners

<ul><li>Realign the purpose of a goal. A goal shows you where you need to go. It's your actions that get you there. Once you know the direction, only use the goal to check if you are still on the right path.</li><li>Find a suitable distraction. For example, finding a job is a most stressful process. It requires a lot of patience. For example, when you apply and go for interviews, you have to wait for a result. During this period, distract yourself with another activity. Read a book, build your side hustle, watch a movie.</li></ul> The key is not to obsess over a goal but find distractions to keep your mind off it.

How to control the elasticity of patience

<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Patience — or the lack of it — forces us to choose paths we ideally wouldn’t. Learn how to avoid that.</h2><figure><img alt="" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/500/0*UmpPDGJ7SuF" width="692" height="461"><figcaption class="lk bm go gm gn ll lm bn b bo bp co" data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">Photo by <a class="au ln" href="https://unsplash.com/@neonbrand?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr">Kenny Eliason</a> on <a class="au ln" href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Throughout my life, there have been phases when I wanted something but had to wait for eons before I got that.I used to be an impulsive operator. I’d purchase, travel, and eat whatever and whenever I desired.I wasn’t used to patience because I got what I wanted almost immediately.But that started to change when I entered a semi-military boarding school. Back there, my life changed drastically as impulsion was replaced by discipline.I was an 11 years old kid when that happened. My mind started craving elements of my past life. Having lost my father briefly before that, I was missing my family more than anything. I started craving even the smallest things like watching TV, or not doing anything on a lazy afternoon.The situation forced me to learn patience. I’d learn to wait till the turn came for me to do anything.However, that patience was different than what the rest of the world is used to.In that boarding school, we had semesters with fixed end dates. We knew we’d be able to see our families after that. During the semester breaks, we would have the option to experience life as we wanted. Even the duration of the school had an end date. We knew that after six years in school, we’d be free to do whatever we wanted. We just needed to wait for a set period.In real life, that’s hardly the case.In traffic, we often don’t know how long we’d have to wait. For our businesses, we have no clue when we are going to start seeing results.Without seeing results, it’s hard to stay motivated to put in the same effort every day.These patient experiences without an end date made me question the way of things work in this world. And those questions led to a few insights.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Patience is required only if you have a goal</h2>Whenever you have something that you want to do, you have to be patient.A promotion? Be patient till the promotion cycle.Weight loss? Wait a few weeks till the results show upJob search? Looking for love? House hunting?All of these generate the necessity of patience.Let's make it clearer.You need to have patience if you are actively looking for a new job. But you don’t if you get an offer while you were not seeking.Those who seek casual dates don’t feel the same pressure as those who are looking for a life partner.It doesn’t matter how long a drive lasts unless you have somewhere to go.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">The goal often forces you to cut corners</h2>A goal creates desire. A waiting period to get to that goal creates restlessness. Patience is nothing but managing that restlessness.And the longer the waiting period, the more stressed you are going to become.Your patience will be tested like an elastic. The more stretched than elastic is, the more likely you are to act unnaturally.Imagine if you are exercising for 3 weeks and your weight is not decreasing. Your level of patience will decide if you will sneak in a dessert or continue down your path.At work, your performance level will drop if you don’t get a promotion after an expected period.I took jobs in the past that were less than ideal because that wait time forced me to lower my demands.Lack of patience forces you to think that you have less time and options.While the reality is often quite different.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">How You Can Control The Elasticity of Patience</h1>You may think the answer is in learning to be more patient. Not quite. Patience is a good virtue but our mind works better while dealing with certainty.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Realign the purpose of a goal</h2>A goal is like a compass. Nothing less, nothing more.It shows you where you need to go. It’s your actions that get you to that level.Surely you have had friends who wanted to learn a musical instrument but never put in the effort. They had the same goal as a star performer but never put in the effort.We get obsessed with goals and that makes us impatient. A car, a house, a device, or a job- whatever our goal is, we can’t stop thinking about it.Stop doing that. Once you know the direction, only use the goal to check if you are in the right direction. But never obsess about it.Your goal is in the future. Stay in the present by focusing on what you need to do, not where you need to be.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Find a suitable distraction</h2>Let’s take the example of finding a job.Job search is one of the most stressful processes out there. It requires a terrible amount of patience.Usually, you’d network with someone. Then wait for a suitable role to open up in that person’s company. You’d then apply, go through multiple hoops (interviews), and wait for a result. The entire process is likely to take months.However, there’s not much to do from your end after each of these steps. Yes, you can send a thank you mail after the interview. But what if the company takes 2 weeks before communicating the next step?<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">What do you do during that period?</h2>You need to distract yourself with another activity. Read a book, visit a place, build your side hustle, play some games, and watch a movie. You just need to forget about that goal of getting that job by distracting yourself.Another easy-to-understand example is how you lose weight. You exercise in the morning for 1 hour and you have 3 healthy meals throughout the day. And you repeat that for weeks.If you keep on peeking at the weighing scale, you will just get restless. Instead, what about focusing on a completely different project once your exercise is done?The key idea is– that one doesn’t obsess over a single goal. Find distractions to keep your minds off it.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">Finally</h1>The less importance you give to a goal, the less patient you’ll need to be.Of course, there will be situations where things will be out of your hand. Distract yourself in those cases so that you don’t keep on checking for the outcome.Read more:<img alt="Mofrad Muntasir" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/500/1*yUkHFJT5XurmR0WJYQyF5Q" width="20" height="20">

The lack of patience forces us to choose paths we ideally wouldn't.

Throughout my life, there have been phases when I wanted something but had to wait for eons before I got that. But that started to change when I entered a semi-military boarding school. Back there…

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Personal Development

Patience — or the lack of it — forces us to choose paths we ideally wouldn’t. Learn how to avoid that.

Throughout my life, there have been phases when I wanted something but had to wait for eons before I got that.

I used to be an impulsive operator. I’d purchase, travel, and eat whatever and whenever I desired.

I wasn’t used to patience because I got what I wanted almost immediately.

But that started to change when I entered a semi-military boarding school. Back there, my life changed drastically as impulsion was replaced by discipline.

I was an 11 years old kid when that happened. My mind started craving elements of my past life. Having lost my father briefly before that, I was missing my family more than anything. I started craving even the smallest things like watching TV, or not doing anything on a lazy afternoon.

The situation forced me to learn patience. I’d learn to wait till the turn came for me to do anything.

However, that patience was different than what the rest of the world is used to.

In that boarding school, we had semesters with fixed end dates. We knew we’d be able to see our families after that. During the semester breaks, we would have the option to experience life as we wanted. Even the duration of the school had an end date. We knew that after six years in school, we’d be free to do whatever we wanted. We just needed to wait for a set period.

In real life, that’s hardly the case.

In traffic, we often don’t know how long we’d have to wait. For our businesses, we have no clue when we are going to start seeing results.

Without seeing results, it’s hard to stay motivated to put in the same effort every day.

These patient experiences without an end date made me question the way of things work in this world. And those questions led to a few insights.

Patience is required only if you have a goal

Whenever you have something that you want to do, you have to be patient.

A promotion? Be patient till the promotion cycle.

Weight loss? Wait a few weeks till the results show up

Job search? Looking for love? House hunting?

All of these generate the necessity of patience.

Let's make it clearer.

You need to have patience if you are actively looking for a new job. But you don’t if you get an offer while you were not seeking.

Those who seek casual dates don’t feel the same pressure as those who are looking for a life partner.

A goal creates desire. A waiting period to get to that goal creates restlessness. Patience is nothing but managing that restlessness.

And the longer the waiting period, the more stressed you are going to become.

Your patience will be tested like an elastic. The more stretched than elastic is, the more likely you are to act unnaturally.

Imagine if you are exercising for 3 weeks and your weight is not decreasing. Your level of patience will decide if you will sneak in a dessert or continue down your path.

At work, your performance level will drop if you don’t get a promotion after an expected period.

I took jobs in the past that were less than ideal because that wait time forced me to lower my demands.

Lack of patience forces you to think that you have less time and options.

While the reality is often quite different.

How You Can Control The Elasticity of Patience

You may think the answer is in learning to be more patient. Not quite. Patience is a good virtue but our mind works better while dealing with certainty.

A goal is like a compass. Nothing less, nothing more.

It shows you where you need to go. It’s your actions that get you to that level.

Surely you have had friends who wanted to learn a musical instrument but never put in the effort. They had the same goal as a star performer but never put in the effort.

We get obsessed with goals and that makes us impatient. A car, a house, a device, or a job- whatever our goal is, we can’t stop thinking about it.

Stop doing that. Once you know the direction, only use the goal to check if you are in the right direction. But never obsess about it.

Your goal is in the future. Stay in the present by focusing on what you need to do, not where you need to be.

Let’s take the example of finding a job.

Job search is one of the most stressful processes out there. It requires a terrible amount of patience.

Usually, you’d network with someone. Then wait for a suitable role to open up in that person’s company. You’d then apply, go through multiple hoops (interviews), and wait for a result. The entire process is likely to take months.

However, there’s not much to do from your end after each of these steps. Yes, you can send a thank you mail after the interview. But what if the company takes 2 weeks before communicating the next step?

You need to distract yourself with another activity. Read a book, visit a place, build your side hustle, play some games, and watch a movie. You just need to forget about that goal of getting that job by distracting yourself.

Another easy-to-understand example is how you lose weight. You exercise in the morning for 1 hour and you have 3 healthy meals throughout the day. And you repeat that for weeks.

If you keep on peeking at the weighing scale, you will just get restless. Instead, what about focusing on a completely different project once your exercise is done?

The key idea is– that one doesn’t obsess over a single goal. Find distractions to keep your minds off it.

The less importance you give to a goal, the less patient you’ll need to be.

Of course, there will be situations where things will be out of your hand. Distract yourself in those cases so that you don’t keep on checking for the outcome.

How to Master The Painful Elasticity of Patience

Patient experiences

The goal often forces you to cut corners

How to control the elasticity of patience

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