Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage.

Narcissism is linked to behaviors like feeling very important, needing constant praise, and lacking empathy. But what few realize is that shame causes these behaviors, not pride. Shaming narcissists more won't help them - it will likely make things worse.Looking closely at certain behaviors is useful. But zooming out gives the full picture.This shows the biggest influence is not narcissism, but a wider culture of scarcity. This scarcity mindset shapes how we think, act, and connect across all areas of life.

The opposite of scarcity is wholeheartedness - accepting ourselves despite uncertainty, which requires vulnerability.

Vulnerability is not weakness, it is courageously embracing uncertainty and emotion. True weakness comes from pretending to be invincible and shutting down feelings. Vulnerability requires mutual trust and healthy boundaries, it is not oversharing but appropriately opening up with those who've earned it.

“When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity.”

Shame makes us feel flawed and unworthy, but we can overcome it by understanding shame, questioning expectations, connecting with others, and speaking openly. Shame drives unhealthy behaviors, but vulnerability and self-compassion heal shame.

Women and men both feel shame. But what makes them feel ashamed is different. For women, the biggest shame is about looks - not being pretty, thin, or young enough. For men, shame is failure, being wrong, defective, soft, or weak in any way. Men feel shame if they show fear, get ridiculed, or get pushed around. The main message for men is "Don't be weak."Deviating from gender norms triggers shame. Women get shame for acting too strongly. Men get shame for showing emotion.

We build shields like foreboding joy, perfectionism, and numbing to avoid vulnerability. But they prevent true connection. Embracing "enough" and self-compassion helps remove armor so we can live wholeheartedly and build trust through appropriate sharing.

1) Joy comes in ordinary moments - don't miss them. 2) Be grateful - don't take life for granted. 3) Don't waste chances for joy - it builds resilience.

3 lessons on joy: 

Perfectionism is not healthy striving. It is a defense against shame and judgment. The belief is: If I'm perfect, I'll avoid pain and earn approval. But perfection doesn't exist, so it prevents growth.

1) Feel your feelings. 2) Stay mindful of numbing habits. 3) Lean into discomfort. Also, set boundaries.

To avoid numbing, live wholeheartedly: 

Minding the gap is a strategy focusing on the gap between practiced values (what we’re actually doing, thinking, and feeling) and aspirational values (what we want to do, think, and feel), involving cultural values, vulnerability, and shame resilience.It's where we lose employees, clients, students, teachers, congregations, and even our own children.Minding the gap is a daring strategy to reconnect and re-engage with children.

Blame and shame stick together. Blaming happens when we're upset, letting out bad feelings on others. Fixing shame is important in places where blame happens a lot.

THE BLAME GAME

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">supporting leaders, </li><li class="ql-align-justify">identifying shame-functioning areas, </li><li class="ql-align-justify">normalizing and </li><li class="ql-align-justify">training employees.</li></ul>

To build shame-resilient organizations, four strategies are recommended: 

Leaders should accept discomfort as normal. Look at strengths and weaknesses together to understand yourself. Have courage to improve.

There’s nothing more important than having the courage to say, ‘I don’t know,’ and ‘I messed up’—being honest and open is key to success in every part of our lives.”

Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.

In terms of teaching our children to dare greatly in the “never enough” culture, the question isn’t so much “Are you parenting the right way?” as it is: “Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?”

Compassion and connection—the very things that give purpose and meaning to our lives—can only be learned if they are experienced.And our families are our first opportunities to experience these things.

Fitting in and Belonging are not the same thing. In fact, fitting in is one of the greatest barriers to belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.

Engagement means investing time and energy. It means sitting down with our children and understanding their worlds, their interests, and their stories.

Hope isn’t an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process.Hope happens when:- We have the ability to set realistic goals- We are able to figure out how to achieve those goals- We believe in ourselves.

Raising children who are hopeful and who have the courage to be vulnerable means stepping back and letting them experience disappointment, deal with conflict, learn how to assert themselves, and have the opportunity to fail. If we’re always following our children into the arena, hushing the critics, and assuring their victory, they’ll never learn that they have the ability to dare greatly on their own.

**Now on Netflix as The Call to Courage** 'She's so good, Brené Brown, at finding the language to articulate collective feeling' Dolly Alderton Every time we are faced with change, no matter how great or small, we also face risk. We feel uncertain and exposed. We feel vulnerable. Most of us try to fight those feelings - or feel guilt for feeling them in the first place. In a powerful new vision Dr Brené Brown challenges everything we think we know about vulnerability, and dispels the widely accepted myth that it's a weakness. She argues that, in truth, vulnerability is strength and when we shut ourselves off from vulnerability - from revealing our true selves - we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Daring Greatly is the culmination of 12 years of groundbreaking social research, across every area of our lives including home, relationships, work, and parenting. It is an invitation to be courageous; to show up and let ourselves be seen, even when there are no guarantees. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and her latest book, Dare to Lead.Brené hosts the Unlocking Us Podcast and the Dare to Lead Podcast. Her TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 50 million views.

Brené Brown

Daring Greatly

Nice guys believe that if they are good and do everything right, they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life.This attempt to be good typically involves trying to eliminate or hide certain things about themselves (their mistakes, needs, emotions) and become what they believe others want them to be (generous, helpful, peaceful, etc.).

<ul><li>caretaking</li><li>giving to get</li><li>keeping the peace</li><li>avoiding conflict</li><li>seeking approval</li><li>hiding mistakes</li></ul>

2. Behaviors of Nice Guy:

<ul><li>He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.</li><li>He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.</li><li>He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.</li><li>He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.</li><li>He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.</li><li>He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.</li><li>He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.</li><li>He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.</li><li>An integrated male doesn’t strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others.</li></ul>

3. Attributes of an Integrated Man:

<ul><li>Children are born helpless and fear abandonment and are self-centered.</li><li>Unmet childhood needs create abandonment experiences.</li><li>They blame themselves and feel toxic shame and develop coping mechanisms based on powerlessness.</li><li>They believe they are inherently bad due to shame.</li><li>Cope with feeling defective by being overly nice.</li><li>Hide perceived badness from self and others.</li></ul> Root is toxic shame and fear of abandonment.

4. Childhood Origin of Nice Guy Paradigm:

<ul><li>Industrialization & urbanization disrupted traditional family structures.</li><li>Absent fathers and lack of male role models.</li><li>Being raised by women without male guidance.</li><li>Radical feminism portrayed men as "bad".</li></ul>

5. Societal Changes Leading to Nice Guy Syndrome:

<ul><li>Disconnected from manhood and masculine identity.</li><li>Comfortable being defined by women's approval.</li><li>Confused about how to be men and seeking validation through women.</li><li>Hiding "bad" male traits to be "nice" for women's love.</li><li>Dependent on women's approval due to lack of male guidance.</li></ul>

Effects on Men:

<ul><li>Requires constant monitoring of women's sexual availability and moods.</li><li>Gives women power to control the relationship tone.</li><li>Links men's moods to women's moods.</li><li>Allows women to define men's worth.</li><li>Sacrifice own needs to please women.</li><li>Creates self-doubt when women critique men.</li><li>Leads to rage towards women when expectations aren't met.</li><li>Turns women into false gods then despises them for failing.</li></ul>

6. Problems with Seeking Women's Approval:

<ul><li>What do I want?</li><li>What feels right to me?</li><li>What would make me happy?</li></ul>

7. Start asking yourself these important questions:

<ul><li>I am lovable just as I am.</li><li>I am perfectly imperfect.   </li><li>My needs are important.</li><li>I am a strong and powerful person.</li><li>I can handle it.</li><li>People love and accept me just as I am.</li><li>It is OK to be human and make mistakes.</li><li>I am the only person I have to please.</li></ul>

8. Some possible affirmations:

Nice Guys need safe, trusting relationships to reveal their shame and humanity in order to change their core belief that they are bad and unlovable.

Helpless, whiny, wimpy, and needy are not attractive on a man. Confidence and self-assurance are. Most folks are attracted to men who have a sense of self. Putting the self first doesn’t drive people away, it attracts them. Putting the self first is essential for getting what one wants in love and life.

Nice Guys want smooth lives but it's impossible - life is unpredictable. Their childhood made them think if they did everything right, life would be smooth. These beliefs help cope but don't work as adults. Nice Guys use childhood mechanisms, ensuring failure. This failure perpetuates fear and ineffectiveness in a vicious cycle.

Nice Guys need to learn how to set boundaries to take control of their lives. At first, they might go to extremes, but they learn to use the right amount of resistance. Setting boundaries is about changing themselves, not others, and taking responsibility helps relationships grow and get better.

In order to reverse the effects of the Nice Guy Syndrome, Nice Guys have to reclaim their masculinity. Reclaiming one’s masculinity involves:<ul><li>Connecting with other men.</li><li>Getting strong.</li><li>Finding healthy male role models.</li><li>Reexamining one’s relationship with one’s father.</li></ul> As Nice Guys reclaim their masculine energy, everyone wins. Not only does the recovering Nice Guy get to experience deeper bonds with men, but his relationships with women grow too.

Nice Guys struggle to find love because of their feelings of shame, problems in relationships, difficulty setting boundaries, repeating childhood patterns, strong connection to their mother, and challenges in ending things positively.

<ul><li>Avoiding sexual situations and opportunities</li><li>Trying to be a good lover</li><li>Hiding compulsive sexual behaviors</li><li>Repressing their life energy</li><li>Settling for bad sex</li></ul>

15. What prevents Nice Guys from getting the sex they want?

In nature, the alpha male and the bull moose don’t sit around trying to figure out what will make the girls like them. They are just themselves: fierce, strong, competitive, and sexually proud. Because they are what they are and do what they do, prospective mates are attracted.Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man.

<ul><li>Release your sexual shame and fear</li><li>Take responsibility for your own pleasure</li><li>Refuse to settle for bad sex</li><li>Practice being  just who you are</li><li>Put yourself in the position to embrace this cosmic force without fear or reservation</li></ul>

17. This is when the sex really gets good:

Fear is the main thing that holds Nice Guys back. It affects everything they do or don't do. They fear making mistakes, failing, or even succeeding because they worry about being exposed as frauds or not living up to expectations. Instead of facing these fears, Nice Guys settle for less than what they could achieve.This keeps them from being creative, focusing on their mistakes, and taking risks or trying new things.

Nice Guys think there are strict rules for a happy life, but successful people make their own rules based on what works.

<ul><li>If it frightens you, do it.</li><li>Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.</li><li>Put yourself first.</li><li>No matter what happens, you will handle it.</li><li>Whatever you do, do it 100%.</li><li>If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.</li><li>You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.</li><li>Ask for what you want.</li><li>If what you are doing isn’t working, try something different.</li><li>Be clear and direct.</li><li>Learn to say «no.»</li><li>Don’t make excuses.</li><li>If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.</li><li>Let people help you.</li></ul>

20. 30 Personal Rules to achieve everything you want:

<ul><li>Be honest with yourself.</li><li>Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.</li><li>Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.</li><li>Don’t tolerate the intolerable —ever.</li><li>Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.</li><li>Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.</li><li>Accept the consequences of your actions.</li><li>Be good to yourself.</li><li>Think abundance.</li><li>Face difficult situations and conflict head on.</li><li>Don’t do anything in secret.</li><li>Do it now.</li><li>Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.</li><li>Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.</li><li>Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.</li></ul>

If others can do it, so can you. It's time to take control, make your own rules, and turn dreams into reality.

21 Important Lessons of "No More Mr Nice Guy"

Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

communication

Communication

Dr. Robert Glover is the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Running Press, 2003) and Dating Essentials for Men: The Only Dating Guide You Will Ever Need. Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men and the director of TPI University.

Robert A. Glover

No More Mr Nice Guy

<ul>
<li>It's normal to feel down sometimes but doing little things will make you feel better.</li>
<li>Getting exercise, eating healthy, sleeping enough, and hanging with friends all give your mood a boost. </li>
<li>Thinking everything is awful when you're sad just drags you down further. Try to keep things in perspective.</li>
<li>Let painful emotions flow through you and naming them helps you process them.</li>
</ul>

Feeling Down:

<ul>
<li>Lack of motivation is not laziness, it's your brain conserving energy when your mood is low.</li>
<li>Start with small, simple goals and build momentum from there.</li>
<li>Connect tasks to things you care about, that internal drive is stronger than pressure.</li>
<li>Build routines and habits to reduce the effort needed for daily tasks.</li>
<li>Be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up drains motivation more.</li>
</ul>

Finding Motivation

<ul>
<li>Painful emotions are not toxic or dangerous, they are human nature.</li>
<li>Allow yourself to feel, don't fight it. Those emotions gotta flow through.</li>
<li>Do self-soothing stuff like deep breathing, baths, walks to cope when emotions get intense.</li>
<li>Name those feelings and remember they'll pass. </li>
<li>Reach out to loved ones when you’re hurting. Human connection helps a lot.</li>
</ul>

Dealing with Tough Feelings

<ul>
<li>The “stages” aren't neat steps, just common experiences people often have when grieving.</li>
<li>Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time.</li>
<li>Let it out - cry, talk about them, do activities to help process the grief. </li>
<li>Cherish happy memories, let go of blame or anger. </li>
<li>Rebuild slowly - care for yourself, create new routines.</li>
</ul>

On Grief

<ul>
<li>We blow criticism way out of proportion in our heads. Think about how you'd advise a friend instead.</li>
<li>Mistakes don't define your worth. They're opportunities to improve.</li>
<li>Build confidence with small steps outside your comfort zone. </li>
<li>Develop self-acceptance - you're human, imperfect, and worthy of love as you are.</li>
<li>Surround yourself with people who appreciate the real you.</li>
</ul>

Battling Self-Doubt

<ul>
<li>Accept fear as a normal human response, don't fight it.</li>
<li>Name specific fears and break big anxiety into smaller, manageable pieces. </li>
<li>Reframe fear as excitement - it helps you perform better.</li>
<li>Avoiding fears only strengthens them - face them gradually to build confidence.</li>
<li>Focusing on making life meaningful helps reduce fear of de*th.</li>
</ul>

Coping with Fear

<ul>
<li>Stress gives you energy to tackle challenges but constant stress hurts your health.</li>
<li>Relax and recover after stress vs trying to eliminate it. </li>
<li>Manage stress with breathing, meditation, connecting with others.</li>
<li>Reframe stress as helpful fuel, set meaningful goals to stay motivated despite stress.</li>
<li>Mentally prepare for pressure situations - stress sharpens your game.</li>
</ul>

Handling Stress

<ul>
<li>Just being happy isn't enough for a fulfilling life, we need meaning and purpose too.</li>
<li>Figure out your values then make choices and goals based on living them.</li>
<li>Focus on becoming who you wanna be, not just hitting goals.</li>
<li>Build close relationships and connect with others - isolation kills meaning.</li>
<li>Regularly reflect on what matters so you can adjust course if life pulls you off track.</li>
</ul>

Creating Meaning

International bestseller "Smart, insightful, and warm. Dr. Julie is both the expert and wise friend we all need." -Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the "Dear Therapists" podcast? Drawing on years of experience as a clinical psychologist, online sensation Dr Julie Smith provides the skills you need to navigate common life challenges and take charge of your emotional and mental health in her debut book. Filled with secrets from a therapist's toolkit, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before teaches you how to fortify and maintain your mental health, even in the most trying of times. Dr Julie Smith's expert advice and powerful coping techniques will help you stay resilient, whether you want to manage anxiety, deal with criticism, cope with depression, build self-confidence, find motivation, or learn to forgive yourself. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before tackles everyday issues and offers practical solutions in bite-sized, easy-to-digest entries which make it easy to quickly find specific information and guidance. Your mental well-being is just as important as your physical well-being. Packed with proven strategies, Dr. Julie's empathetic guide offers a deeper understanding of how your mind works and gives you the insights and help you need to nurture your mental health every day. Wise and practical, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before might just change your life.

books

Books

Julie Smith

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

1. Get on your de*thbed
<ul>
<li>Imagine yourself on your de*thbed and speak to your loved ones about what you want them to know. This clarifies what's important.</li>
</ul>
2. Stay hungry
<ul>
<li>Create a vision of who you want to be and live into it. Stay motivated and hungry to achieve your goals.</li>
</ul>
3. Tell yourself a true lie
<ul>
<li>Imagine yourself achieving your goals, even if it seems unrealistic now. This visualizes success.</li>
</ul>
4. Keep your eyes on the prize
<ul>
<li>Stay focused on your goals, don't get distracted by obstacles.</li>
</ul>

Motivation and Visualization

5. Learn to sweat in peace
<ul>
<li>Prepare for challenges by doing even harder tasks first. It makes the real thing seem easy.</li>
</ul>
6. Simplify your life
<ul>
<li>Eliminate clutter and distractions so you can focus on what's important. Simple is strong.</li>
</ul>
7. Look for the lost gold
<ul>
<li>See opportunities in every situation, don't dwell on problems.</li>
</ul>
8. Push all your own buttons
<ul>
<li>Know what motivates you and do more of it. Listen to inspiring music, read motivating books.</li>
</ul>

Simplify your life

9. Build a track record
<ul>
<li>Prove beliefs about yourself through real accomplishments. Small wins build confidence.</li>
</ul>
10. Welcome the unexpected
<ul>
<li>Be open to surprises and new ideas. Creativity comes from the unexpected.</li>
</ul>
11. Find your master key
<ul>
<li>Discover sources of motivation to unlock your potential. Books, mentors, experiences can provide this.</li>
</ul>
12. Put your library on wheels
<ul>
<li>Use drive time to listen to audiobooks. Feed your mind while commuting.</li>
</ul>

Welcome the unexpected

13. Definitely plan your work
<ul>
<li>Make plans for what you want to accomplish each day. It brings focus and control.</li>
</ul>
14. Bounce your thoughts
<ul>
<li>Shift negative thoughts to optimistic ones through practice. Like bouncing a basketball.</li>
</ul>
15. Light your lazy dynamite 
<ul>
<li>Jumpstart motivation by easing into tasks slowly. Momentum builds.</li>
</ul>
16. Choose the happy few
<ul>
<li>Surround yourself with positive people who support your growth. Limit time with negative ones.</li>
</ul>

Bounce your thoughts

17. Learn to play a role
<ul>
<li>Act confident and motivated even if you don't feel it yet. Emotions follow action.</li>
</ul>
18. Don't just do something...sit there
<ul>
<li>Make time to reflect in solitude. It fosters creativity.</li>
</ul>
19. Use your brain chemicals
<ul>
<li>Do activities that release motivating neurochemicals: laugh, sing, hug.</li>
</ul>
20. Leave high school forever
<ul>
<li>Don't let others' opinions limit you. Focus on growth, not judgment.</li>
</ul>

Learn to play a role

21. Learn to lose your cool
<ul>
<li>Take risks socially, be vulnerable. This builds confidence.</li>
</ul>
22. Kill your television
<ul>
<li>Reduce passive entertainment. It drains energy. Read, create instead.</li>
</ul>
23. Break out of your soul cage 
<ul>
<li>Leave your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to grow.</li>
</ul>
24. Run your own plays
<ul>
<li>Be proactive in creating your day. Let life respond to you.</li>
</ul>

Kill your television

25. Find your inner Einstein
<ul>
<li>Unleash creativity by imagining solutions. Like Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge."</li>
</ul>
26. Run toward your fear
<ul>
<li>Do what scares you. Growth happens outside your comfort zone.</li>
</ul>
27. Create the way you relate
<ul>
<li>Bring creativity to your relationships. Apply this to business and personal connections.</li>
</ul>
28. Try interactive listening
<ul>
<li>Ask engaging questions. Listen fully. This builds stronger relationships.</li>
</ul>

Find your inner Einstein

29. Embrace your willpower
<ul>
<li>Know you have willpower, it can be developed like a muscle.</li>
</ul>
30. Perform your little rituals
<ul>
<li>Create routines that spark motivation like reading goals or inspirational quotes.</li>
</ul>
31. Find a place to come from
<ul>
<li>Generate happiness now, don't wait for external circumstances.</li>
</ul>
32. Be your own disciple
<ul>
<li>Build willpower through small victories, like resisting temptation.</li>
</ul>

Be your own disciple

33. Turn into a word processor
<ul>
<li>Change self-limiting vocabulary like "have to" to "choose to."</li>
</ul>
34. Program your biocomputer
<ul>
<li>Control what information you take in. Garbage in, garbage out.</li>
</ul>
35. Open your present
<ul>
<li>Appreciate and focus on the current moment. Be fully present.</li>
</ul>
36. Be a good detective
<ul>
<li>Ask questions and listen deeply to understand people and situations better.</li>
</ul>

Be a good detective

37. Make a relation-shift
<ul>
<li>Uplift others instead of focusing on yourself. This builds connections.</li>
</ul>
38. Learn to come from behind
<ul>
<li>View setbacks as natural ups and downs, expect renewal.</li>
</ul>
39. Come to your own rescue
<ul>
<li>Take responsibility for your life. Don't wait for "someone" to save you.</li>
</ul>
40. Find your soul purpose
<ul>
<li>Discover what makes you come alive and pursue that. Serve others.</li>
</ul>
41. Get up on the right side
Shift negative thinking to positive, solution-focused thoughts.
42. Let your whole brain play
Engage both creative and rational parts of your mind fully.

Find your soul purpose

43. Get your stars out
<ul>
<li>Express your gifts and talents fully. Don't play small.</li>
</ul>
44. Just make everything up
<ul>
<li>Approach goals playfully, not rigidly. Make it a game.</li>
</ul>
45. Put on your game face
<ul>
<li>Take on challenges with confidence and motivation. Be a competitor.</li>
</ul>
46. Discover active relaxation
<ul>
<li>Recharge through activities that engage the mind like games or art.</li>
</ul>
47. Make today a masterpiece
<ul>
<li>Make each day meaningful, don't just react. Create purposefully.</li>
</ul>

Discover active relaxation

48. Enjoy all your problems
<ul>
<li>See problems as opportunities to learn and grow.</li>
</ul>
49. Remind your mind
<ul>
<li>Revisit motivational ideas often. Post inspiring quotes, repeat affirmations.</li>
</ul>
50. Get down and get small
<ul>
<li>Set mini-goals and milestones. Achieve them for motivation boosts.</li>
</ul>
51. Advertise to yourself
<ul>
<li>Post your goals and vision where you'll see them daily.</li>
</ul>
52. Think outside the box
<ul>
<li>Get creative, don't limit yourself with assumptions. Break boundaries.</li>
</ul>

Think outside the box

53. Keep thinking, keep thinking
<ul>
<li>Turn obstacles into opportunities through persistent thinking.</li>
</ul>
54. Put on a good debate
<ul>
<li>Argue against your own negative thinking. Develop optimism.</li>
</ul>
55. Make trouble work for you
<ul>
<li>Reframe difficult situations positively. Ask "How can I use this?"</li>
</ul>
56. Storm your own brain
<ul>
<li>Brainstorm solutions, even unreasonable ones. Get ideas flowing.</li>
</ul>
57. Keep changing your voice
<ul>
<li>Build your vocal power through practice like singing. Energizes confidence.</li>
</ul>

Keep thinking, keep thinking

58. Embrace the new frontier
<ul>
<li>Keep growing and learning. Skills matter more than credentials.</li>
</ul>
59. Upgrade your old habits
<ul>
<li>Improve habits gradually through replacements, not elimination.</li>
</ul>
60. Paint your masterpiece today
<ul>
<li>Craft each day purposefully like a work of art. Care about details.</li>
</ul>
61. Swim laps underwater
<ul>
<li>Do exercises that increase lung power and oxygen to the brain.</li>
</ul>
62. Bring on a good coach
<ul>
<li>Seek objective feedback to stretch your abilities.</li>
</ul>

Upgrade your old habits

63. Try to sell your home
<ul>
<li>Let go of old, limiting habits and beliefs. Move forward.</li>
</ul>
64. Get your soul to talk
<ul>
<li>Dialogue with yourself for motivation and answers.</li>
</ul>
65. Promise the moon
<ul>
<li>Make public, bold commitments to drive achievement.</li>
</ul>
66. Make somebody's day
<ul>
<li>Surprise others with generosity and encouragement.</li>
</ul>
67. Play the circle game
<ul>
<li>Align daily actions with longer term goals through planning.</li>
</ul>
68. Get up a game
<ul>
<li>Add fun competition to grow beyond your current level.</li>
</ul>

Get up a game

69. Turn your mother down
<ul>
<li>Don't accept others' limiting beliefs about you.</li>
</ul>
70. Face the sun
<ul>
<li>Focus on the positive, not the negative.</li>
</ul>
71. Travel deep inside
<ul>
<li>Look within to find your potential, don't seek external validation.</li>
</ul>
72. Go to war
<ul>
<li>Create urgency, act as if your life depends on goals.</li>
</ul>
73. Use the 5% solution
<ul>
<li>Take small, gradual steps to achieve big goals.</li>
</ul>
74. Do something badly
<ul>
<li>Don't wait for perfect conditions, just start. Momentum builds.</li>
</ul>

Use the 5% solution

75. Learn visioneering
<ul>
<li>Mentally rehearse goals as if they're already real.</li>
</ul>
76. Lighten things up
<ul>
<li>Add humor and absurdity to disempower fears.</li>
</ul>
77. Serve and grow rich
<ul>
<li>Contribute value to earn more. Help others succeed.</li>
</ul>
78. Make a list of your life
<ul>
<li>Write goals, desires, people to connect with. Makes them real.</li>
</ul>
79. Set a specific power goal
<ul>
<li>Energizing goals are bold, vivid, and have deadlines.</li>
</ul>
80. Change yourself first
<ul>
<li>Lead by example. Live the change you want to see.</li>
</ul>

Set a specific power goal

81. Pin your life down
<ul>
<li>Have a clear plan of attack to drive achievement.</li>
</ul>
82. Take no for a question
<ul>
<li>Don't accept rejection, get creative. Persist.</li>
</ul>
83. Take the road to somewhere
<ul>
<li>Know your purpose. This drives motivation.</li>
</ul>
84. Go on a news fast
<ul>
<li>Limit negative input that breeds pessimism.</li>
</ul>
85. Replace worry with action
<ul>
<li>Act on anxieties instead of feeding them.</li>
</ul>
86. Run with the thinkers
<ul>
<li>Rise above complaints by proposing solutions.</li>
</ul>

Replace worry with action

87. Put more enjoyment in
<ul>
<li>Do activities that fully engage your skills.</li>
</ul>
88. Keep walking
<ul>
<li>Movement drives energy, creativity, motivation.</li>
</ul>
89. Read more mysteries
<ul>
<li>Mysteries build observational skills and wit.</li>
</ul>
90. Think your way up
<ul>
<li>Shift from emotional to rational thinking when stuck.</li>
</ul>
91. Exploit your weakness
<ul>
<li>Turn weaknesses into strengths. Know their benefits.</li>
</ul>
92. Try becoming the problem
<ul>
<li>Take full responsibility, see yourself as solution.</li>
</ul>
93. Enlarge your objective
<ul>
<li>Set wildly ambitious goals to spur creativity.</li>
</ul>
94. Give yourself flying lessons
<ul>
<li>Let heroes inspire belief in your potential.</li>
</ul>

Think your way up

95. Hold your vision accountable
<ul>
<li>Judge goals by their power to motivate, not details.</li>
</ul>
96. Build your power base
<ul>
<li>Control your knowledge intake. Garbage in, garbage out.</li>
</ul>
97. Connect truth to beauty
<ul>
<li>See honesty as empowering, not restrictive.</li>
</ul>
98. Read yourself a story
<ul>
<li>Read aloud for double impact. Like Lincoln did.</li>
</ul>
99. Laugh for no reason
<ul>
<li>Fake positive emotions until you feel them.</li>
</ul>
100. Walk with love and death
<ul>
<li>Reflect deeply on life's meaning to build courage.</li>
</ul>

Build your power base

100 Ways to Motivate Yourself

Modern medicine is much better at treating "fast" causes of death like infections and trauma than "slow" causes like heart disease, cancer, and neurodegenerative diseases.
These chronic "slow" diseases actually begin developing years or decades before they are diagnosed or cause symptoms. But medicine focuses on treating them only after diagnosis.

1. The Long Game: From Fast Death to Slow Death

<ul>
<li>We need to take a more proactive approach, intervening early to prevent or delay these diseases before they take hold. This will extend lifespan and healthspan.</li>
<li>The book will examine evidence on the four main "Horsemen" of death - heart disease, cancer, dementia, diabetes - and how to outlive them through lifestyle change.</li>
</ul>

- Medicine is transitioning from an era focused on infectious diseases (Medicine 2.0) to one focused on chronic diseases (Medicine 3.0).   - Medicine 2.0 evolved to treat acute injuries and infections but has made little progress against chronic illnesses like heart disease and cancer.   - These "slow" diseases begin years or decades before diagnosis, so we need to intervene earlier.   - Medicine 3.0 takes a more preventive, proactive approach to reduce risk before disease takes hold.

2. Medicine 3.0 - Rethinking Medicine for the Age of Chronic Disease

- It aims to optimize healthspan (quality of life), not just lifespan. Medicine 2.0 just prolongs life.   - Patients must be active participants and "captains" of their health in Medicine 3.0, not passive.   - Medicine 3.0 represents an evolution in mindset, not just technology. We already know enough to start this transition.

- The objective is to extend lifespan and healthspan - to live longer and better.   - To achieve this requires first developing an effective strategy, not just rushing to tactics. Strategy derives from the objective.   - The strategy is to understand and address the aging process itself, which makes us vulnerable to chronic diseases like the "Four Horsemen."   - Aging leads to deterioration in 3 areas: cognitive, physical, emotional. The goal is to minimize decline in all 3 over time.

3. Objective, Strategy, Tactics - A Road Map for Reading This Book

- Tactics flow from the strategy and include exercise, nutrition, sleep, emotional health. Drugs/supplements are also considered.   - Exercise is the most powerful longevity "drug." Nutrition matters, but calories are key, not any one diet.   - Sleep and emotional health are critical and ignored at our peril.

- Centenarians live to 100+ often in relatively good health, delaying chronic diseases for decades.   - This phase shift in time is key - they stay biologically younger than their age. We want to emulate this.   - Centenarian longevity is partly genetic luck, but behavior likely also plays a role. We can mimic their resilience.   - They seem to lack common high-impact longevity genes; many genes make small contributions. This is encouraging.

4. Centenarians - The Older You Get, the Healthier You Have Been

- Centenarians delay onset of cancer, cardiovascular disease, diabetes by up to 30 years compared to averages.   - We can't copy some of their vices, but can learn from their ability to resist chronic diseases for so long.   - Tactics like nutrition, exercise, sleep can help build resilience even without longevity genes. But we must start early.

- Restricting calories extends lifespan in nearly every animal tested, by 15-45%. This points to a link between nutrition and longevity.   - The drug rapamycin, discovered in soil on Easter Island, also extends lifespan in mice and other animals.   - Rapamycin acts on the mTOR protein, a key regulator of growth and metabolism. Inhibiting mTOR mimics calorie restriction.   - mTOR integrates signals about nutrient availability and helps control cell growth vs. recycling/cleanup (autophagy).

5. Eat Less, Live Longer? The Science of Hunger and Health

- Autophagy declines with age but can be stimulated by exercise, fasting, rapamycin - improving cellular health.   - Rapamycin is already approved for humans but side effects have limited its use for longevity. New studies show it may enhance immunity.   - Dogs are being tested since they age similarly to humans. Early results show rapamycin may have rejuvenating effects in older animals.   - Metformin is also now being tested for anti-aging effects in healthy people.   - The link between nutrition, metabolism, and longevity points to the importance of metabolic health.

- Metabolic dysfunction underlies obesity and is linked to the "Four Horsemen" diseases. It must be addressed first.   - Metabolic dysfunction is affecting 1 in 4 people globally.   - But it's overlooked since early stages may not change standard blood tests. We must detect issues earlier.   - Fat overflow, not just obesity, drives insulin resistance and later diabetes. Excess spills to liver, muscle, etc.   - Hyperinsulinemia is an early red flag, well before diabetes. Medicine 2.0 wrongly waits to treat it.

6. The Crisis of Abundance - Can Our Ancient Genes Cope with Our Modern Diet?

- Fructose and uric acid were once beneficial but now promote fat gain and metabolic issues in excess.   - We evolved to store fat to survive famines. But now calories and fructose are nearly unlimited.   - Medicine 3.0 would monitor for earliest signs like fatty liver, inflammation, uric acid to prevent metabolic disease.

- Heart disease is the #1 global killer but need not be - it should rank much lower with the right prevention.   - Atherosclerosis (The buildup of plaque in the arteries, which leads to heart attacks and strokes. ) begins in youth but progresses slowly before causing events like heart attacks.   - LDL ("Bad" cholesterol) particles penetrate the artery wall, become oxidized, and trigger plaque (Fatty deposits that accumulate inside the arteries and can block blood flow. Made up of cholesterol, white blood cells, calcium, etc) formation. HDLs ("Good" cholesterol) can remove cholesterol.

7. The Ticker - Confronting—and Preventing—Heart Disease, the Deadliest Killer on the Planet

- Total burden of apoB (A protein found on LDL) particles (LDL + VLDL) over time determines risk, not total cholesterol or LDL-C (The concentration of cholesterol inside LDL particles) alone.   - Lp(a) (An especially damaging lipoprotein particle that increases risk of early heart attacks) is an especially atherogenic particle, a major inherited risk factor. Lifestyle changes don't reduce it.   Medicine 2.0 waits to treat high-risk people based on short time horizons like 10 years. But risk is cumulative over life.

- Medicine 3.0 says lower apoB as early and as much as possible. Like smoking, address the root cause regardless of short-term risk.   - Extremely low LDL-C levels are safe; plaque likely wouldn't occur if everyone had childhood LDL-C levels (10-20 mg/dL).   - Diet, exercise, and drugs together can dramatically lower apoB early on. Use statins (Cholesterol lowering drugs) plus other agents aimed at increasing clearance.   - The sooner we eliminate apoB particles, the more we reduce the compounding risk over time. This demands an early, aggressive approach.

- Cancer is complex with many subtypes, not one disease. Prevention remains difficult as mutations seem random.   - Metabolic issues like obesity and insulin resistance raise cancer risk, providing one angle for prevention.   - New immunotherapies like checkpoint inhibitors help some cancers evade the immune system, but benefit is still limited.   - Adoptive cell therapy, giving patients customized cancer-killing T cells, has promise but challenges to implement at scale.   - Catching cancer early via screening vastly improves outcomes, since smaller tumors are more treatable.

8. The Runaway Cell - New Ways to Address the Killer That Is Cancer

- But screening is limited - we only have good tests for a few common cancers.   - Medicine 3.0 says use multiple modalities (colonoscopy, mammogram, MRI, etc.) together to improve accuracy.   - Liquid biopsies to detect tumor DNA in blood could identify cancers earlier and help assess risk. Still early but promising.   - Cost, false positives are issues with aggressive screening. But benefits likely outweigh risks if it catches cancer sooner.   - We must screen smarter. Pairing tests can improve resolution. Early detection plus new treatments is our best hope.

- Alzheimer's disease is the most common form of dementia, affecting over 6 million people in the US. Other neurodegenerative diseases like Lewy body dementia, Parkinson's, ALS, and Huntington's also cause dementia.   - The origins and causes of Alzheimer's are not fully understood. The dominant "amyloid hypothesis" that amyloid-beta plaques cause Alzheimer's has not led to effective treatments.   - Alzheimer's may actually be primarily a vascular disorder resulting from reduced blood flow and energy delivery to the brain. Metabolic dysfunction and insulin resistance also play a key role.

9. Chasing Memory: Understanding Alzheimer's Disease and Other Neurodegenerative Diseases

- The APOE e4 gene variant significantly increases Alzheimer's risk but is not deterministic. Other genetic and lifestyle factors also matter.   - Prevention is currently our only option against Alzheimer's. Key strategies include optimizing vascular and metabolic health, exercise, sleep, stress reduction, and early screening/testing.   - With high-risk patients, it's critical to start preventive strategies as early as possible, even decades before symptoms appear. The longer we delay onset, the better.

- Alzheimer's can be detected in very early stages through comprehensive cognitive testing. Distinguishing it from other neurodegenerative diseases is important for prevention.   -While daunting, Alzheimer's is not impossible to prevent. We must embrace the concepts of Medicine 3.0 like prevention and risk reduction to overcome this disease. More progress will come through continued research and investment.

- Our genes haven't changed much, but our environment has, creating a mismatch that leads to "diseases of civilization." We must adapt with smart tactics.   - The 5 key tactical domains are exercise, nutrition, sleep, emotional health, and pharmaceuticals/supplements. We'll focus on the first 4 here.   - With health, we coordinate tactics across domains for each patient. Overnourished and undermuscled? Cut calories without losing protein.

10. Thinking Tactically: Building a Framework of Principles That Work for You

- The goal is to empower patients to take action to improve their fitness, nutrition, sleep, and emotional health.   - Our only aim is to live longer and better. We must rewrite the narrative of decline and figure out a personal longevity plan.

- Exercise strongly correlates with longer lifespan and improved healthspan across physical, cognitive, and emotional domains.   -Higher VO2 max and greater strength are very strongly associated with lower mortality. Exercise acts like an endogenous drug.   - We must go beyond generic advice to "move more." Specific, focused training is key, like a decathlete.   - The Centenarian Decathlon provides a framework of goals for later decades of life. We train now to achieve future aims.   - It redefines what's possible in old age. We can be vibrant at 80, 90 or 100 with the right preparation.

11. Exercise: The Most Powerful Longevity Drug

- Medicine 2.0 offers little real guidance on exercise. We must take responsibility for our fitness.   - Exercise is true "prehab" - physical therapy before we need it. It's the most powerful longevity tool we have.   - We train not just to be fit now but to armor ourselves against decline and accomplish specific tasks later.   - The Centenarian Decathlon makes every decade better. We become athletes of life.

- Strength training is like retirement saving - it builds a "reserve" of muscle and bone to protect us as we age.   - Muscle strength declines 2-3x faster than mass. Power declines even faster. So heavy weights are key.   - Bone mineral density and muscle mass decline in parallel from our 20s onward. We monitor both.   - Grip strength predicts mortality as strongly as VO2 max.   - Eccentric strength protects joints and prevents falls. Controlled lowering of weights trains this.   - Pulling motions like rows are foundational. Hip hinging properly is crucial for major lifts.

12. Training 101: How to Prepare for the Centenarian Decathlon

- Before heavy lifting, assess movement with tests for stability (next chapter). This is most important.   - The goal is not big biceps now but rather strength to accomplish tasks and prevent injuries later.   - We train strength now to build reserves for our Centenarian Decathlon and continued active life.

- Stability enables safe, efficient transmission of force through muscles and bones, not joints. It makes us bulletproof.   - Stability begins with the breath - it affects posture, spine position, and movement.   - Grounding the feet and toe strength build the foundation. Balance drills develop neuromuscular control.   - Segmental Cat/Cow trains individual control of each vertebra. Shoulder and scapular control enable safe pushing/pulling.   - Take care with heavy lifts until stability is established. Light weights develop movement quality and control.

13. The Gospel of Stability: Relearning How to Move to Prevent Injury

- Film yourself to compare intent to reality. Narrow the gap via focused drills.   - For the sedentary, exercise can profoundly improve capacity and function - it makes people younger.   - Stability gives the confidence to enjoy life and not fear falling. It lets us keep doing what we love.   - With stability, we can train hard and avoid injury. We become athletes built to go the distance.

- We actually know little for certain about nutrition. Most studies are flawed, leading to confusion.   - Clinical trials have poor compliance over long periods. Results average out individual variation.   - Healthy user bias skews many studies. Healthy people tend to have healthier habits.   - We must move beyond diet labels and tribalism. Different foods affect individuals differently.   - Our goal is to determine what works for you - your optimal nutritional biochemistry.   - No one perfect diet exists. We need personalized nutrition based on your genes, metabolism, etc.

14. Nutrition 3.0: You Say Potato, I Say “Nutritional Biochemistry”

- Feedback and iteration will help us find your ideal eating pattern for metabolic health.   - We should focus more on major issues like calories and protein than minor food choices.

- We reduce energy intake via calorie restriction (CR), dietary restriction (DR), or time restriction (TR).   - CR requires tracking every calorie, very difficult long-term. DR eliminates foods, but compliance varies.   - TR/fasting works for some but risks muscle loss if protein intake is not sufficient.   - Protein is essential. Most need 1.6-2.2 g per kg body weight per day.   - Plant protein is less bioavailable than animal sources. Focus on leucine, lysine and methionine content.   - Continuous glucose monitoring provides powerful personalized feedback on food choices.

15. Putting Nutritional Biochemistry into Practice: How to Find the Right Eating Pattern for You

-Carb tolerance is highly individualized. CGM helps determine ideal carbohydrate intake.   - Increase intake of MUFAs like olive oil. Supplement EPA/DHA. Titrate to goal RBC levels.   - Avoid too much fructose, especially in liquid form.   - Find a sustainable balance of macros and calories tailored to your metabolism.   - Focus more on major issues like protein sufficiency than minor food choices.   - Nutrition supports metabolic health but is less powerful for longevity than exercise.

- Sleep is essential for brain health and function. Lack of sleep impairs cognitive performance, memory, and emotional regulation.   - Deep, restorative sleep allows the brain to clear out amyloid-beta and tau proteins, which build up in Alzheimer's disease. Good sleep may help prevent dementia.   - Poor sleep is linked to increased insulin resistance, metabolic dysfunction, obesity, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease risk. It disrupts hormone balance.   - Sleep quality declines with age. Middle age is a crucial period for maintaining healthy sleep patterns to support cognitive health.

16. The Awakening: How to Learn to Love Sleep, the Best Medicine for Your Brain

- To sleep better: make the bedroom pitch black and cool, avoid alcohol and food before bed, reduce evening exposure to blue light from screens, exercise earlier in the day, establish a consistent wake-up time, use relaxation techniques.   - Addressing sleep issues through changes to sleep hygiene, bedroom conditions, and behavior can improve sleep more than sleeping pills in many cases. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia is highly effective.   - Prioritizing sleep is as important as diet, exercise and other lifestyle factors. Good sleep enhances overall health and functioning.

- Emotional health is a crucial component of overall healthspan and longevity. Unresolved emotional issues can lead to misery, self-destructive behavior, and early death.   - Dialectical behavior therapy provides useful tools for emotional regulation and building distress tolerance. Mindfulness helps create space between stimulus and response.   - Exercise, time in nature, proper sleep and nutrition also support emotional equilibrium. Ongoing therapy and journaling are key. Medications can assist.

17. Work in Progress: The High Price of Ignoring Emotional Health

- The first step is believing you can change. Then commit to the ongoing hard work of unpacking trauma, altering self-talk, reframing situations, and replacing knee-jerk reactions with thoughtful responses.   - Make emotional health as much a priority as physical fitness. This is imperative for a long, fulfilling and happy life. Our emotional state shapes our actions, relationships and overall wellbeing.

- The key insight is that we should pursue longevity not out of regret for the past, but for the sake of the future - to fulfill dreams and aspirations.   - True age is not defined by years lived but by whether one's mindset remains fixed on the past versus looking ahead to future hopes.   - The takeaway is to value relationships, emotional health and fulfillment as much as (or more than) physical optimization. This brings meaning and purpose that make longevity worth pursuing.

Final Thoughts:

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A groundbreaking manifesto on living better and longer that challenges the conventional medical thinking on aging and reveals a new approach to preventing chronic disease and extending long-term health, from a visionary physician and leading longevity expert   “One of the most important books you’ll ever read.”—Steven D. Levitt, New York Times bestselling author of Freakonomics   Wouldn’t you like to live longer? And better? In this operating manual for longevity, Dr. Peter Attia draws on the latest science to deliver innovative nutritional interventions, techniques for optimizing exercise and sleep, and tools for addressing emotional and mental health.   For all its successes, mainstream medicine has failed to make much progress against the diseases of aging that kill most people: heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, and type 2 diabetes. Too often, it intervenes with treatments too late to help, prolonging lifespan at the expense of healthspan, or quality of life. Dr. Attia believes we must replace this outdated framework with a personalized, proactive strategy for longevity, one where we take action now, rather than waiting.   This is not “biohacking,” it’s science: a well-founded strategic and tactical approach to extending lifespan while also improving our physical, cognitive, and emotional health. Dr. Attia’s aim is less to tell you what to do and more to help you learn how to think about long-term health, in order to create the best plan for you as an individual. In Outlive, readers will discover:   • Why the cholesterol test at your annual physical doesn’t tell you enough about your actual risk of dying from a heart attack. • That you may already suffer from an extremely common yet underdiagnosed liver condition that could be a precursor to the chronic diseases of aging. • Why exercise is the most potent pro-longevity “drug”—and how to begin training for the “Centenarian Decathlon.” • Why you should forget about diets, and focus instead on nutritional biochemistry, using technology and data to personalize your eating pattern. • Why striving for physical health and longevity, but ignoring emotional health, could be the ultimate curse of all.   Aging and longevity are far more malleable than we think; our fate is not set in stone. With the right roadmap, you can plot a different path for your life, one that lets you outlive your genes to make each decade better than the one before.

Daring Greatly

No More Mr Nice Guy

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

100 Ways to Motivate Yourself

Outlive

Self-Help Maven