12 Tips for Forgiving Yourself

If you make a mistake and continue to struggle with letting it go, acknowledge out loud what you learned from the mistake.

When you give a voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart, you may free yourself from some of the burdens. You also imprint in your mind what you learned from your actions and consequences.

Englander says to think of each “mistake” as a learning experience that holds the key to moving forward faster and more consistently in the future.

Reminding ourselves that we did the best we could with the tools and knowledge we had at the time, will help us forgive ourselves and move forward.

If you make a mistake but have a hard time putting it out of your mind, Pickell says to visualize your thoughts and feelings about the mistake going into a container, such as a mason jar or box.

Then, tell yourself you are putting this aside for now and will return to it if and when it will benefit you.

Journaling can help you understand your inner critic and develop self-compassion. Write out a “conversation” between you and your inner critic. This can help you identify your thoughts and will help you forgive yourself

You can also use journaling time to make a list of the qualities you like about yourself, including your strengths and skills. This can help boost your self-confidence when you’re feeling down about a mistake you made.

We are our own worst critics, right?

One important action tip is to notice when that harsh voice comes in and then write it down. You might be surprised by what your inner critic actually says to you.

Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize the thoughts that are getting in the way of forgiveness. If you’re struggling to sort out your inner critic, practice this exercise:

• On one side of a piece of paper, write down what your inner critic says (which tends to be critical and irrational).
• On the other side of the paper, write a self-compassionate and rational response for each thing you wrote on the other side of the paper.

If the mistake you made hurt another person, you need to determine the best course of action. Do you want to talk to this person and apologize?

If you’re on the fence about what to do, you might want to consider making amends. This goes beyond saying sorry to a person you’ve hurt. Instead, try to fix the mistake you’ve made. One study found that forgiving ourselves for hurting another is easier if we first make amends.

Oftentimes, it’s easier to tell someone else what to do than to take our own advask yourself what you would tell your best friend if they were sharing this mistake they made with you, and then take your own advice.

If you’re having a difficult time working through this in your head, it can help to role-play with your friend. Ask them to take on your mistake. They will tell you what happened and how they are struggling to forgive themselves.

You get to be the advice giver and practice telling your friend how to move on.

It’s human nature to spend time and energy replaying our mistakes. While some processing is important, going over what happened again and again won’t allow you to forgive yourself.

When you catch yourself playing the “I’m a horrible person” tape, stop yourself and focus on one positive action step. Interrupting the thought pattern can help you move away from the negative experience and reduce stress and anxiety.

If your first response to a negative situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. The only way to begin the journey to forgiveness is to be kind and compassionate with yourself.

This takes time, patience, and a reminder to yourself that you’re worthy of forgiveness.

If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, you may benefit from talking to a professional. Talking to a counselor who can help you learn how to break these unhealthy patterns in your life and learn new and healthier ways of coping with mistakes.