The Downside of Being Competent

People ask high self-control people to do more for perfectly logical reasons—because they think that those who successfully demonstrate high (vs. low) self-control will perform better and accomplish more.

So it is a reasonable thing to do, from the perspective of the partner, the manager, the coworker.

The results from a survey of more than 400 employees show that high performers were not only aware that they were giving more at work—they rightly assumed that their managers and co-workers didn’t understand how hard it was for them, and thus felt unhappy about being given more tasks.

Further, in a survey that was completed by more than 100 couples, partners who had greater self-control said they also felt burden and fatigue from being relied on more at home.

In our personal relationships, we should recognize that just because our high-ability partners can do something for us, doesn’t mean that we should let them.

And if they do help us, we should recognize it and thank them for it. Otherwise, they too may end up feeling burdened by us, and less satisfied—and that should be the last thing we want to do to a good employee or a good partner.