Before you get into any tedious social media argument, think of this ... - Deepstash

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Anecdote To Avoid Unnecessary Arguments On Social Media

Anecdote To Avoid Unnecessary Arguments On Social Media

So, you have been challenged, now what?

1. Take a breath, and a step back. You do not owe anyone an immediate response, despite the perceived pressure to do so on social media.

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2. Filter out the noise (the stuff that stings). That is not the relevant bit. Your feelings might be hurt by the challenge, or the approach of someone challenging, but that is is not the issue here. Righteous indignation as a response to perceived harmful behaviour often comes from a place of deep hurt and systemic marginalisation. You must acknowledge this with grace.

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3. Ask yourself honestly: is the challenge valid?

4. If you aren't sure, have a chat with someone you know and respect, ideally privately. Be mindful of any emotional labour you are asking someone to do on your behalf-you are not looking for someone to absolve you, but you may find you benefit from a sounding board to help give you some context.

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5. If the challenge is valid, reflect and focus on the impact: what has been the impact, and on whom? Have you caused harm, or are you at risk of causing harm to others?

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6. Think about an appropriate response. This will almost certainly include an apology. Identify what you are apologising for. Keep it simple. Don't use evasive language. Don't centre yourself. You don't need to be effusive or self-flagellating but you do need to be clear and unequivocal.

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7. People might not like your apology. They are entitled to that response. Remember this. You do not need to engage with every single voice, or the loudest voices. Only the ones that matter. Think about who these are. And think about the most appropriate format. Is this online, offline, with a mediating person or body, one-to-one?

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8. This stuff hurts, and you will need to find ways to protect yourself without becoming so insular that you can't hear any of the criticism any more. There can be a desire to only allow the supportive, comforting words in. Be careful about this. You are allowed to feel hurt, but don't let this become false armour against valid criticism, or a tool to minimise.

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9. Consider: what one practical change can you make right now? What can you commit to changing in the coming month? In the coming year? If you know what you need to change, commit to doing something now, even if the desired 'change' doesn't feel within your immediate sphere of influence. Have faith that you can be the change, or part of it. Don't assume you can't, because if you do, nothing changes, and that's on you.

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10. You are going to make things better, for yourself and for others. That's a good thing! A positive thing. So get up. And get (back) to work. The news cycle will keep churning. All we can do is our genuine best. And when we fail, we try, and try again.

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CURATED BY

kasayerh

Book summaries mostly ...

CURATOR'S NOTE

In case you happen to find yourself in one, I hope these ten tips of mine will come in handy.

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