The Art of People - Deepstash
The Art of People

Christine Smith's Key Ideas from The Art of People
by Dave Kerpen

Ideas, facts & insights covering these topics:

13 ideas

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DAVE KERPEN

"Life is short. The less time we waste on the weather, the better."

DAVE KERPEN

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When meeting a new person

When meeting a new person

Rather than the usual ‘what do you do for a living' or ‘where do you live’ consider a few of the following questions:

  • In your professional life, what do you think is the most exciting thing?
  • In your personal life, what is exciting you the most at the moment?
  • If money wasn’t an issue, would you be doing something different?
  • In five years from now, what would you ideally like to be doing?
  • Do you have a favorite charity organization? Why do you choose them?
  • Who is a role model to you and why?
  • Who in your life has been significantly influential to you?

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Listening to people

  • A large part of understanding people is not to talk but indeed the exact opposite, to shut up and listen.
  • You have to resist the urge to talk and you have to continue to bring the conversation back to the other person. You have to learn to genuinely listen and show active consideration and care for what the other person is saying.
  • Defined as active listening, it’s the act of trying to understand their position and not fixate on your own. Listening to people makes them feel valued, respected, inspired, and eager to solve problems.

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Validation

Validation

  • Validation is a powerful way to diffuse anger and frustration.
  • Validation is taking mirroring to another level. The idea is to repeat what the other person is saying, but also to suggest some understanding of how they are feeling. One caveat to be aware of is the danger of not interpreting feelings correctly. Get it wrong and it can have a devastating effect.
  • Validation is not necessarily agreeing, it is understanding where the other person is coming from and genuinely caring. Even if there is a disagreement, validation allows an avenue for a better resolution rather than becoming defensive.

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DAVE KERPEN

”Remember that people care more about themselves than they care about you. People want to talk about themselves. Listening and letting people talk is key to winning them over in life, in business, and in all human relationships.”

DAVE KERPEN

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Standing out from the crowd

There’s a simple key to networking that nobody talks about. Standing out from the crowd, you want to be noticed. In a room full of people trying to get noticed, you need a point of difference.

Wear an attention-grabbing piece of clothing, something that stands out and is potentially a conversation started. Consider bright clothing or shoes, a statement scarf or tie. Something that people will notice and be encouraged to chat with you about.

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Influencing people

Influencing people

If you really want to be influential, you want to encourage people to come up with your idea ‘all on their own’:

  • Don’t use the phrase ‘I have an idea’. Subtly push the other person in the direction of your idea and the results. Don’t be explicit.
  • You could try explaining the opposite of what you are after. Identify the issues of this option and hopefully, the other person will find your idea as the solution.
  • If the other person mentions your idea, whether close to or exact, embrace it and encourage them.
  • You can suggest alterations to their idea when it’s not quite what you wanted.

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Improve your teaching ability

  • If you are a manager, identify a few people that report directly to you. (If you aren’t a manager identify a few people that you influence in one way or another).
  • Remember a few of your favorite school teachers. How was their teaching beneficial to you and how did they affect your performance?
  • Reflect on your notes and try to establish a few ways that you can be a better manager/influencer by taking on some of your favorite teachers' qualities.

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DAVE KERPEN

”These days, anyone can be a leader, whether the group you’re leading is your company, your team, your department, or your family. You can be a leader even if you have no official leadership role and are simply setting a good example for the people around you. And you can develop many leaders on your team as well.”

DAVE KERPEN

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Managing conflict

Managing conflict

The key is that you need to put all people at ease, it’s not about finding a winner but finding a resolution that works for both sides.

Conflict usually appears when someone is struggling to feel heard or be helped. It’s important to understand both sides and let each side state their case.

Your instinct may be to try to wrap the conflict up as soon as possible. But the reality is that this won’t work. Both sides need to feel like they have been heard before they will calm down and collect themselves.

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DAVE KERPEN

”Remember, it's not all about you. Whether you’re speaking to an audience of three thousand, three hundred, thirty, or three, if your hope is to inspire them, your material and delivery have to be about them and how they can grow, not about you.”

DAVE KERPEN

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Constructive criticism

When providing feedback, ensure that your criticism is always constructive and consider the following points:

  • Don’t deliver a critique in front of other people. Don’t try to shame someone.
  • Have a one-on-one discussion.
  • Rather than just identifying issues, suggest positive solutions.
  • Don’t dwell on the negative.

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To change people’s minds, avoid the sales pitch

To change people’s minds, avoid the sales pitch

People don’t like being sold to. Instead, focus on storytelling.

Storytelling allows you to share about yourself and it allows people to connect with you at an emotional level.

It’s not a technique, it’s more authentic.

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IDEAS CURATED BY

christinsm

Yoga instructor and Fitness instructor

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