Christine Smith's Key Ideas from The Art of People
by Dave Kerpen

• A large part of understanding people is not to talk but indeed the exact opposite, to shut up and listen.
• You have to resist the urge to talk and you have to continue to bring the conversation back to the other person. You have to learn to genuinely listen and show active consideration and care for what the other person is saying.
• Defined as active listening, it’s the act of trying to understand their position and not fixate on your own. Listening to people makes them feel valued, respected, inspired, and eager to solve problems.

• Validation is a powerful way to diffuse anger and frustration.
• Validation is taking mirroring to another level. The idea is to repeat what the other person is saying, but also to suggest some understanding of how they are feeling. One caveat to be aware of is the danger of not interpreting feelings correctly. Get it wrong and it can have a devastating effect.
• Validation is not necessarily agreeing, it is understanding where the other person is coming from and genuinely caring. Even if there is a disagreement, validation allows an avenue for a better resolution rather than becoming defensive.

There’s a simple key to networking that nobody talks about. Standing out from the crowd, you want to be noticed. In a room full of people trying to get noticed, you need a point of difference.

Wear an attention-grabbing piece of clothing, something that stands out and is potentially a conversation started. Consider bright clothing or shoes, a statement scarf or tie. Something that people will notice and be encouraged to chat with you about.

If you really want to be influential, you want to encourage people to come up with your idea ‘all on their own’:

• Don’t use the phrase ‘I have an idea’. Subtly push the other person in the direction of your idea and the results. Don’t be explicit.
• You could try explaining the opposite of what you are after. Identify the issues of this option and hopefully, the other person will find your idea as the solution.
• If the other person mentions your idea, whether close to or exact, embrace it and encourage them.
• You can suggest alterations to their idea when it’s not quite what you wanted.

• If you are a manager, identify a few people that report directly to you. (If you aren’t a manager identify a few people that you influence in one way or another).
• Remember a few of your favorite school teachers. How was their teaching beneficial to you and how did they affect your performance?
• Reflect on your notes and try to establish a few ways that you can be a better manager/influencer by taking on some of your favorite teachers' qualities.

The key is that you need to put all people at ease, it’s not about finding a winner but finding a resolution that works for both sides.

Conflict usually appears when someone is struggling to feel heard or be helped. It’s important to understand both sides and let each side state their case.

Your instinct may be to try to wrap the conflict up as soon as possible. But the reality is that this won’t work. Both sides need to feel like they have been heard before they will calm down and collect themselves.

When providing feedback, ensure that your criticism is always constructive and consider the following points:

• Don’t deliver a critique in front of other people. Don’t try to shame someone.
• Have a one-on-one discussion.
• Rather than just identifying issues, suggest positive solutions.
• Don’t dwell on the negative.

People don’t like being sold to. Instead, focus on storytelling.

Storytelling allows you to share about yourself and it allows people to connect with you at an emotional level.

It’s not a technique, it’s more authentic.